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On calling you
June 5, 2023
During a recent meltdown (topic: "I HATE NOMAD LIFE"; hey, it happens) I decided to write my thoughts down and chill tf out. My thumbs hurt because I'd torn...
On that one hot take
May 23, 2023
I read a tweet and felt really sad. Not because I think it's incorrect, necessarily, but because it frames life as a zero-sum game. Viewing caution advised:...
On time feeling right
May 17, 2023
How old are you – in your head? I get lost in time easily. Recalling the day, month, sometimes year takes a moment: perhaps because my work involves planning...
On being in my own head
April 25, 2023
I was entirely alone for six days. (Joe went to Rotterdam. I housesat for my parents.) Have you ever experienced that? Not sure I had. The weirdest bit was...
On our perfection
March 17, 2023
"I’m proposing the possibility that you’re perfect as you are," writes Tuulia Syvänen. She said something similar during our 1:1 Skype session. I remember...
On acknowledging pain
February 20, 2023
My eyes skipped down the NHS letter, searching for a date. Your referral has been triaged for priority read a sentence on page one, before continuing...
On optimisation rejection
January 30, 2023
Everyone should do yoga, say Instafluencers. Eat organic, non-GMO, plant-based. Reject antidepressants! No caffeine! Grow your side hustle! Sometimes I want...
On labelling imagination
January 16, 2023
A phrase I'm enjoying anew is I imagine. E.g.: someone tells me about a confrontation. I feel my chest restrict, arms tighten. My response: I imagine I'd...
On questions at the border
January 9, 2023
I need to see your faces, intoned the Portuguese border guard. Embarrassed to have forgotten, we pulled our masks down. What is the purpose of your visit?...
On the desire beneath
December 15, 2022
Once a week I open Skype. After the words Ready when you are bubble up, I click the video button. My therapist Steven answers on Devon's south coast. Gulls...
On the rarest bee
November 14, 2022
At the southernmost
On moments of clarity
November 5, 2022
Seven weeks since writing here. I forgot, then the shame grew. I've felt unusually anxious recently. A low-level hum of uncertainty about any decision,...
On feeling at home
September 15, 2022
Given we're permanently roving, home isn't a place anymore. Home is drinking Clipper tea as I wake up. It's the few items that travel with me: green journal,...
On respecting the grain
September 7, 2022
Kate de Syllas' left hand rested on a hangiri. To a kitchen of expectant faces, she explained why the sushi class was mostly about one thing: cooking rice....
On jealousy of male ease
August 23, 2022
Sometimes I get jealous of the relative ease with which my partner, a man, exists in the world. I see how he sleeps a little longer. (I do my skincare...
On self-discipline
August 15, 2022
Discipline isn't exactly the friendliest word. It's wrapped up in notions of obedience and punishment; indeed, its Middle English origin translates as...
On falling in love with a giant tomato, of course
August 8, 2022
It was the biggest, ugliest, most beautiful thing I could see on the biologique stall, and I immediately wanted it. Back home I sliced slowly, in abject...
On girls and football
August 1, 2022
In primary school, boys shunned girls. At secondary, teachers only taught us hockey. At matches, fans yell sexist chants. It's an uphill battle for a girl to...
On vulnerability with strangers
July 25, 2022
Six people of three different nationalities sat around the outside table. Two had recently arrived; one left yesterday; another departs next week. Such is...
On autism diagnosis limbo
July 18, 2022
After seven months of phone calls, questionnaires, and waiting, a letter informed me that - despite results advising the contrary - I would not be added to...
On self-identity in comparison
July 12, 2022
Scrolling through Instagram or Twitter, I identify as someone who doesn't work much. Others choose to work weekends or (gasp) five days a week. Chatting to...
On distraction for pain management
July 1, 2022
Early Sunday, when the migraine painkillers began working, I realised the whisper-soft animalistic whines I could hear were from me. I also realised how...
On fulmars
June 20, 2022
To our right, a jagged path down to the Crowns Engine Houses, standing after nearly 200 years mere yards from the Atlantic. To our left, rising above us, the...
On encouragement
June 13, 2022
Two hours ago I was up to my waist in seawater. Skin below the waterline burned with cold; skin above shivered in weak sun. I wanted to push my body...
On choosing to fail
June 6, 2022
Get fitter. Increase income. Diversify business. Make more friends. Those are some things I'd like to do - and feel like I should do - but I'm currently...
On holding things lightly
May 30, 2022
I used to run with Dad. (Still do, if we're together and well.) One thing he taught me was what to do with my hands while running: not to clench fists, or...
On shame
May 23, 2022
Don't draw attention to it. The weight of it; the ugly heaviness. Stay still, quiet, small. This is the only safe thing to do with shame. Because then,...