Remembrance: A poem and thoughts on dementia
Rachel Handley
Remembrance
In my dream you were alive. I said I
loved you and you heard me. You knew it was
me, not just distance with a human shape.
You tell me I need to stay here, so I
do. I grab the thread of sewn pink petals
hanging tight between us, their wet edges
drip your soft thunder all over the floor,
liquid velvet slips between our fingers,
soaked; we campaign to walk against time. Come
see me, you said, before I forget. You
knew, before we knew, that the dementia
was slithering in, knocking out pieces
of you with its blunt mouth. I’d put you back
together if I could, click each petal
into its stem so that I could say I
love you and you could hear me.
Remembrance was first published by Arlen House in their Washing Windows Too anthology. It was then reprinted by Poetry Ireland in their Vital Signs: Poems for Illness and Healing anthology.
It is a poem about my experience of losing my Nana to dementia. Writing it was my way of dealing with the feelings which come from such a loss. It is a strange and heartbreaking thing to see someone you love deteriorate, inch by inch. I am not over it. I don't think I ever will be.
The last time I read this poem at an event was for the Vital Signs book launch. I had a glass of wine beforehand (a mistake) and I almost burst into tears after reading it. The poem felt cathartic and sad to write, and even though it still manages to stir emotion in me, reading it and having it read feels like a way of honouring her.
So, if you read the poem, thank you.