On Illness
This year I’ve felt like I’ve been ill more often than I’ve been well. The whole of January was a write off. And as the semester has worn on my fatigue has increased. The last cold I had, about a month ago, either lasted for an eon or was swiftly followed by another cold. Either way. I’ve been down on my luck.
Being ill is not one state of being, but many. I can complain of being ill with a cold whilst also being ill with fatigue. The former a new intrusion, the latter a well-worn enemy.
Yesterday I was awake for a few hours and asleep for twenty. I facilitated a creative writing workshop at University College Dublin on Monday and saw two people for coffee, and that was the end of my energy allowance for the week. I’ve been sleeping on and off ever since, and a cough I thought had disappeared decided to make a guest appearance.
Fatigue management is, to some extent, predicated on the manageable; the predictable. But life and the events which make it a life, are seldom predicable. And even when it is, even when you know about an event or task in advance, there is not always a way to preserve energy beforehand. Sometimes you have to weigh the costs of doing what you want now vs being burdened with the exhaustion later. Sometimes you have to hope you are ready to do a task and bare the consequences if you’re not. Sometimes, you just have to guess and wish.