Dear Reader,

Shew, it’s been three months since I sent out my last newsletter. I didn’t intend to leave such a gap, but sometimes that’s the way the cookie crumbles, you know? While part of me wants to be mean to myself about this intermission, I’m reminded that when I started this newsletter the goal was to send out three by June. And here I am, sneaking in newsletter #3 right before the deadline. A victory!

Deadlines have been on the brain for me lately, and so has the concept of finishing. Specifically, finishing even if the inner critic judges harshly.

I have an art show scheduled for September and I’m currently making work for that show, deadline looming. I have limited experience presenting my work in shows, and this is the first time I have one on the books without work already made for it. (Did you hear me?! A show is scheduled and the art does not yet exist!) Some days it feels exciting and motivating to have this external accountability nudging me to create. Other days it fills me with major doubt and fear.

As I've begun to sew pieces that I think might go in this show, I’ve noticed myself wanting to abandon what I’m making midway through. I’ll have an idea, start exploring it, then tell myself it’s dumb and hack, and want to stop and try something else. Which is a common cycle for me. Actually, I’m basically describing this meme about “The Creative Process”....

But historically, I’ve often dipped out at the “I am shit” phase, never giving myself a chance to get to the “This is awesome” part.

So now I’m practicing something different. My goal is just to finish each piece I start, judgement be damned. Even if I tell myself it looks like shit, I’m finishing it! Even if my inner critic is tapping me on the shoulder and whispering that the fabrics I’ve chosen are all wrong, I’m finishing it! Even if alarm bells are going off about how much everyone is going to not like what I’m making, I’m finishing it!!!!!

Finishing even if, even if, even if. I’m ready to fully wade into the discomfort and see what happens if I stay the course.

I’m also practicing being alone with the doubt and fear that bubbles up in the “This is shit/I am shit” phases. I have a couple of dear friends who I often text photos of my work to. Sometimes I’ll text them when I’m really excited about something and want to share. Other times I’ll text them when I’m unsure if a piece is working, looking for their input.

I’ve noticed lately that when I’m feeling the pinpricks of “This is shit/I am shit,” I immediately bombard them with texts, hoping they’ll reassure me. When their responses aren’t the soothing balm I’d expected, I’ve been casting a wider net, texting more and more friends photos of my work. The need for validation has become insatiable, I’ve realized.

So here I am: resisting the urge to seek validation when I’m worried a piece isn’t working, letting the pinpricks of doubt wash over me, and finishing the thing anyway.

FIELDNOTES:

1. My beloved east Kentucky was recently hit again by climate disaster, this time devastating tornadoes. Please consider giving to EKY Mutual Aid to help those impacted.

   

2. My amazing coach, Sara Johnson of Growing Home Coaching is currently accepting new clients. Highly recommend!

3. I’ve started listening to the Savvy Painter Podcast with Antrese Wood, and while it’s focused on painting, it offers lots of great insights on creativity in general.

4. I started a new job in January (more on that soon) and we’ve begun publishing some stories about folklife in Appalachia. You can listen to and read the first one here, and listen to, read, or watch the second one here.

5. I grew some radishes!