It's not all sunshine
One of the things that maybe has been misleading in this newsletter series is that there’s been a lot of good things going on, which means I celebrate those and don’t always mention the hard things. But of course, working for oneself is, like anything, full of ups and downs.
The next few weeks are a very calm affair for me. Having returned from a bunch of travel, I’m sort of taking it easy ahead of a big global tour happening later this year. On one hand, that’s quite nice - some time at home, getting things done, cleaning, cooking - it’s quite nice.
On the other hand, rest isn’t very exciting and in the absence of good things happening the more stressful parts of working for oneself become more apparent.
Last week and this week I have been wrestling with a totally messy situation where I am trying to keep an artist happy while not being able to actually give them what they want. As a publisher I’m often a middle man - trying to understand what’s affordable and possible and also trying to give artists what they want. The thing is, and why this is tricky, artists almost ALWAYS want more: a more expensive paper, another test, more options, etc, etc. In a vacuum their expectations are reasonable, but the other thing is printers (the people that make the books) don’t have unlimited time or patience, and I don’t have an unlimited budget. Hence why I’m the middle man.
For a lot of reasons this week is just crunch time on one project and it’s been very anxiety-inducing. My response to feeling upset is usually to cancel/shut down/leave a situation - which obviously is pretty harmful in a business relationship. So I try to hold that response and work through things, which usually goes well. Still, sometimes I wish I could just say ‘I can do x, not y, and that’s that’.
The other, though less stressful, downside to quiet time is that I need to do a lot of admin which, for me, involves chasing payments.
Last year I had a fairly public stoush with a bookstore in London that basically stole from me. The Photographer’s Gallery in London - a huge institution, just refused to pay me. So I called them out online and when there was enough bad press what do you know - I got paid. For me, I hate chasing payment - I like knowing when I’ll be paid, on what date, by whom, etc. But, in the world of invoices, that’s not realistic.
For example, I’ve written an article and photographed for it - I know roughly when it will be published but not when I’ll get paid. Partially that’s because the editorial team are the ones I work with and also partially because the priority is getting the magazine made, then paying. But still - should I expect payment this week or next? In September or October? That stuff starts to eat away at me a bit when there’s more down time.
In the grand scheme of things these are small issues, largely overcome with a bit more communication, patience and time, but it’s important to share the ups and downs. Regular payment, for example, is a non-issue if you’re salaried - it just happens like clockwork, but the middle man anxiety is always a part of life - wanting to keep everyone feeling ok, even though there’s no way to do so without compromise.