Elastic memory
I was walking around my work the other day when I sort of had one of those moments where I realised ‘wow, it’s been over 15 years since I started uni’.
For those who don’t know, I work now at the same University I studied, so these sorts of random nostaglic jolts happen fairly regularly. I’ll notice a building and remember ‘there used to be a classroom in there’ or walk past a shuttered construction site and think of the pizza shop I used to eat at. In my head I know these things are long past.
But the thing I find sort of weird is how the largeness of those memories makes them feel so much closer. The things I did between 18-21 just seem so huge, where as I struggle to remember much about being 24. A few things, but not so much.
On the weekend I was with some friends, great friends, and lots of old friends. I find these interactions so soothing - we can sort of just drop into conversations we’ve been having for years and years. There’s such little pretense. What I think, though, is when we aren’t talking about the present, or the near future, we are basically talking about what was happening age 16-22.
One mate recalled a boyfriend’s terrible musical performance. She broke up with him soon after. Another talked about getting into sport and what that was like. I think for these guys stories like these have that emotional presence - they never really feel as distant as they are.
I think that what I’m getting at is less a string of key memories that just happened, and rather a sequence of things that build up to really become monoliths in our mind. I think we all know friends who’ll say ‘that time I was on exchange’ or ‘when I did that 2 month trek’, and while there’s something obnoxious about the repetition I think that’s what I’m writing about here - the experience of interlocking memories forming a sort of stronghold in your mind. One that doesn’t really fade, that feels as present as what you had for lunch.
Of course I can recall things I did at 24, or 32, but there’s no specific feeling to 2021, or 2014 for me. At 24 I went to New Zealand and I can remember the hostel I stayed at in Auckland and the characters I met. But 2014 sort of feels like a nothing year. Just another brick in the wall.
But 2008 feels immense - almost multi-sensory. 2015 does as well.
It’s interesting to imagine when in our lives we will have these experiences that create these feelings, I wonder now what the next period of time that makes these immense memories will be? When will my next stronghold be? Perhaps it’s this year, perhaps it’s next. Perhaps not again will I have as much newness, excitement, growth and routine as I did in Uni. That’s ok too, there’s a lot to enjoy just by wandering around and thinking about how much fun it all was. Nostalgia is sometimes seen as a bit forlorn, but to me it’s more like an old friend - it just feels like home.
If you’re in Melbourne this weekend, consider coming to the NGV Art Book Fair. I’ll be there on Saturday only with Tall Poppy Press. Stop by and say g’day, pick up a book or see what’s going on. I’d love to say hello.
Just head to NGV International on Saturday, you can’t miss it, it’s really large.