“What are you going to do today to resist domination?” bell hooks
....on this day that is a sunday
above: a photo of elbow noodles mixed with butter, feta, and red pepper flakes and a glass of fresh beet, carrot, and apple juice
As I sit on my couch, sick for the second time in two weeks, I’m reminded of the cyclical nature of survival. Recently, I replaced the concept of “living” in my vocabulary with the idea of “surviving”, as it is a reminder that to move through the world, against and beneath and above structural and systemic oppressions, is a never ending battle. Uphill, downhill, on a level surface. It is all work. And surviving implies that it is not one’s own work that can pull them from a low point. Instead, I believe that placing emphasis on surviving over “living” gives one the freedom to say, “Wow, I didn’t do my best there. That’s fine, I’m surviving.” or “No matter what I did today, there were forces that stopped me from thriving. But I survived them. Whether I had the energy to push back or not, I’m still here now.”
It’s a language shift that I believe in deeply, especially after reading an essay a few months ago by a theorist challenging Mary Oliver’s famed quote, “What is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?”. Despite my best efforts, I’ve been unable to remember the title nor author of this essay so if you know what I’m talking about, please reply with the proper credits. The author of this essay argued that, when one is incarcerated, especially for petty crimes or crimes that they did not commit, this question cannot possibly apply to them. Rather, they experience a life stolen. They are unable to form a response to this question because they are not starting from a place of freedom or choice, of liberated aliveness. Decided by someone else, many do not get a “wild and precious life”. And how can we contend with this? Is it through survival?
I think so. We survive, without equating our lives to something that it is on our shoulders to truly “live” because often, whether through systems of incarceration, poverty, or natural elements beyond our control, survival is the basis of how we continue to do the work of simply existing. And existing is work. A week ago, walking out of an early morning Barre class, I filled my water bottle in a mall bathroom and I thought, “Wow, I am really thriving.” This was one week off of a cold. And here I am again, my body aching in the night, sweating through my clothing, begging strangers to turn away as I hack into my mask and my arm on the train.
How, after a mass casualty event made worse by greed and inundated in profit over human life, do I contend with the fact that when I get sick, I get sicker? After multiple terrible colds, I was informed by a doctor that my bout with COVID in 2022, has weakened my immune system and that there is little evidence when or if this damage will improve. When I have to take a step back from classes, from work or school obligations, and from the obligations I feel towards my day to day surroundings, I am constantly reminding myself that what is most important is to survive the day, the week, the year.
Don't ask yourself “What is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?”. Ask yourself, “What are you going to do today to resist domination?”, a question bell hooks asked herself in moments of deep blue.
Growing up in poverty, I never felt like we had a wild and precious life. I always felt like life was something you survive, a nebulous thing that despite your best efforts, sticks around until it simply doesn't. And when you come out on the other side of whatever you are surviving, be it sickness or imprisonment or hunger, and if you are not dead, you are existing here and now. Resisting is surviving. Resist hustle culture, systemic oppression, the want to get out of bed when your body is begging you to stay. You have survived another day. Look at you.
What I’m Loving
Barre and Yoga Classes; two things I’ve said after a session “turns out what I need to not want to die all of the time was to work out” and “I’ve spent my 20’s totally disconnected from my body and I don’t want that to be the case as I approach my 30’s”.
“Teaching to Transgress” by bell hooks ; I’m student teaching in the fall and am obsessed with the radical place teaching can and should hold as a tool for liberation
Lil Joel videos on youtube; a balm for my sick lil brain
I’m rewatching Pretty Little Liars which is now such a time capsule and definitely a problematic fave I go back to when I’m not feeling myself.
I’m building a victorian house for my cats out of cardboard even though I have nowhere to put it oops.
