Whose Side is Your House On?
Happy Halloween from Minnesota!
Thank goodness for polar fleece Halloween costumes. Though I will be sorely disappointed if we don’t get at least one shivering, blue lipped, ecstatic Elsa at the door tonight. I am prepared to contribute to the bit.
This month, as I hunker down in my house till what promises to be a very cold and soggy trick or treating expedition, I’m back to continuing my exploration of home automation and security systems. The series so far has included one letter about AI and home security cameras, and one about the time when I fell down a research rabbit hole about the wild, exciting, potentially dangerous world of smart toilets. All of this is connected to my exploration of Martin as a character, since between drafts of Names in Their Blood, I’m writing a novella from Martin’s point of view, that takes place between Secondhand Origin Stories and Names in Their Blood.
My research this time started off with asking my wife, who works for a tech company that makes security and home automation supplies (one of the only ones who won’t happily hand over your data to any warrantless cop who calls up with a belligerent tone of voice), about the wildest shit people do with the existing systems on the market today.
Turns out, the biggest upsets often come from divorce. Because oftentimes, the house can be made to side with either one person or the other.
Not in the sentiment-AI-with-personal-opinions kind of way. But it almost might as well be, depending on just how “smart” and connected the house it.
An incomplete list of things you can do, if the home automation account is in your name, and the system is pervasive enough:
- turn off all water in the house
- turn off the fridge, and spoil all the food
- turn the lights on and off at will, remotely, at 3am
- Max out the heat or cooling remotely
- Mess with smart fridge food ordering
Ok, all of those are nuisances, but maybe a little bit funny in the abstract. Pettiness is often funny at a distance. You can easily imagine any of the above in a sitcom. I feel like, if Friends were airing in 2023, this would be an episode. Maybe Ross and Rachel could be “on a break” and end up using the home automation system as a battleground. It's been a long time since I watched that show, but it fits with my memory.
Any of these nuisance-y behaviors could even work in an apartment, because none of those services are hard wired. Which also means any real or fictional person dealing with these could resolve it by unplugging the intermediary devices that connect these services and appliances to power, then plug them back in directly. Provided they knew how to do that.
Easy peasy.
Other potential uses are more horror movie, less comedy.
Did you know that many lawyers will tell divorcing clients, particularly those with kids, to take turns using the shared home? Apparently, in some areas, the one who leaves the house fully is expected to be less likely to be awarded the house- or custody during the divorce proceedings! Not a policy I’m a fan of, to be honest.
Here’s this person you’re breaking up with, and you’re supposed to peaceably swap the house back and forth, as both of you try to prove to an imagined future judge that you’re the most invested in your child/home.
Only one adult in a household is needed to sign up and install a home security/automation system. There’s no requirement that all adults in the household be given login information or even provide consent.
Even if all parties do have their own login, it’s not hard for the first person to get to the system to effectively lock the other(s) out.
Sometimes literately lock them out, if none of their exterior locks are still key locks.
If that happens, and you don’t have login access anymore, then to get back in, you’d need to talk to your security provider. Apparently many of which just…fundamentally do not want to deal with this, and may tell you you have to get a judge's order to get back in your house. They don't want to be liable if they believe the wrong person, so they prefer not to act at all.
While remedying this might be a matter of a couple of emails and a day or two, it could also take up to 90 days, in some parts of the US.
This is not a great time, particularly if you happen to be in a demographic that the judge dislikes, or if you’re in one of the many districts whose courts are desperately underfunded and constantly lagging behind.
Even once you get in to your house, anyone with system access can see exactly when you leave or arrive. If they have a doorbell camera, then can watch you do it. If you have Connected Car (or something similar- it goes by different names, depending on whose made the product) other accountholders can see where you are, when you leave, even how fast you’re going.
Yes, even if it’s your own car, that you own in your name.
Many of the security companies won’t let you take the car monitoring off the account without the primary accountholder’s say so. This is not as simple as unplugging a little box from the wall.
My wife’s work does get calls about people’s exes stalking them via the system they themselves have been locked out of accessing.
If the person being stalked isn’t on the account, there’s not much they can do. Even if they are, many of these changes are very much at the mercy of the policy of the specific security provider.
These security providers can be anything from a massive multinational company like ADT or Brink, or like…some guy named Frank who is only available via a single phone number and may or may not ever call you back, as long as he’s getting his monthly payment on the system.
If it is ADT, you probably are gonna need a letter from at least a lawyer (these are shockingly expensive) to make anything happen. They are not gonna sign over the account to someone without proof.
If it’s Frank, and he likes you and talks to you, you could be all set! If he doesn’t, then friend you are back to waiting on a judges order, or somehow hoping law enforcement wants to help you.
Which, if you know anything at all about law enforcement's track record with helping domestic abuse victims or stalking victims, you probably won’t be thrilled about.
Laws are squidgey around divorce, and lagging around technology, and corporations have very specific priorities, and when you put these all together you get quite a mess.
All of this is why I have pretty mixed feelings about home security and automation systems. Like, I have a digital lock, because nobody in my house can keep track of keys. But statistically, most of us are far more at risk from someone who we live with or who we have lived with than we are from random intruders.
And security systems are the opposite of helpful for that.
Going to end this by pleading with you that if you are getting a system- please read up on the policies of whoever might be monitoring the system. Because you may one day be at the mercy of their goodwill.
Till next month- stay warm!
Lee Brontide
Thank you for joining me for another month of Shed Letters. If you know someone who you think would like to join us, please feel personally invited to share any of these emails, or send them an invitation to sign up here. And remember that Secondhand Origin Stories is available for free as an ebook here, or in paperback form from your local independent book shop.