Resisting the Urge to Optimize
reframing my annual week away
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Today’s newsletter is about shaking up our routines.
This is my fifth year spending a week out of town dog sitting for my friend in her beautiful home. Since I’ve been writing online for eight years now, I can look back at how my experience has shifted from wanting to maximize a Writing Retreat to leaning into dinners with friends to getting curious about my urge to squeeze productivity out of every free minute.
To prepare for this year’s week with the dog and without my routine, I looked back on my writing and my calendars to learn what has worked, hasn’t worked, and what I might want to try differently.
2021: Making Big Plans
The first time I spent a week away dog sitting, I called it my Writing Retreat. I posted a stack of productivity books on Instagram with a caption detailing my plan to read them all. I wanted to emerge out the other side of the week with something big to show for it.
One of the authors of a book in my stack left a comment that it seemed like a workaholic endeavor on my part. To say I was mortified would be an understatement. I had developed an amazing Venn Diagram detailing the overlap of slow living and productivity! I was doing a literature review like a good scholar! I wasn’t a workaholic!
In retrospect, I agree it was foolhardy to plan to crush five books in one week—especially on a week where I was still holding meetings and taking care of the dog who required an early morning long walk at the dog park. I’d posted the photo with ambition, but looking back, the stack was also a performance of the diligence I wanted to portray to the world. I think that if I had shared a stack of five novels I planned to read on my vacation, it may have functioned as a similar performance: look how good I am at rest.
I didn’t end up getting through all the books, and that’s okay—I was figuring out what it’s like to have a week away from home with a new routine.
2022: Loosening My Grip
I took fewer calls on this week away and scheduled more phone dates with my friends. This was also a month before my wedding, and I loved drafting my wedding vows at my favorite place on earth, the Montague Bookmill.
Interestingly, I announced my plan to launch a third Tending Year blog project the week before my trip, and while I did follow through with two newsletters a month as I planned, I didn’t end up establishing a complex research project. I suspect I was feeling inspired by the idea of a third year-long project as a plan for a Tending Year book a’la The Happiness Project or The Year of Less, but I decided it was better to just focus on work and the newsletter.
2023: More Spaciousness
I shared a newsletter about five things I planned to do differently on my time away and looking back at my calendar, I did pretty well at my goals for my week! I held some meetings for a consulting gig I was doing, but in general my week was much more spacious. I had some phone dates with pals and enjoyed those a lot (this is a trend that carries through all five years!).
2024: Leaning Into Non-Work
I revisited one of my favorite productivity guides before last year’s trip, How to Not Always Be Working by Cody Cook-Parrott, and wrote a newsletter to share my goal to work less on my trip. I knew that it would be important for me to reach for non-work tasks, so I developed a menu of things I could reach for when I felt bored or missed my routine at home. Looking back at my calendar, I ended up having some co-working sessions with friends, dinner dates, and exercise classes to keep me accountable. I also made a cute embroidery of a mushroom and listened to some audiobooks, which I adored.
2025: Start With Self-Care & Leave It Open
I want to be realistic about what I can and want to do this week away, which means no expectation for big, productive outcomes. To set myself up for this, I need to prepare everything for the week of my return ahead of time so I can ease back into work when I return.
An experiment I want to try this time around is to limit my phone use, because I know there are pockets of time when it’s easy to pick up my cell and fall into it for way longer than I’d like. For example, I’ll be waking up early so I can align with the dog’s morning routine, and I want to have easy non-scrolling activities to reach for when we’re back from our hike. I have a list of options I developed—a guided meditation, journaling, reading my new cozy mystery, or practicing yoga. I’m not against using time this week for work that feels interesting and fun, like updating my website or planning Quarter 4.
Takeaways
I am a creature of habit and I find a lot of comfort in a routine, but as Kris and I like to say, it’s “good for my brain” to explore the edges of my comfort and try new things. This year, my new thing is to experiment with not scrolling social media and the news, and only using my phone for meditation, texting, my pomodoro timer, and my self-care accountability apps.
I think in the future if I decide to schedule another proper writing retreat, I’ll want to have fully open days, no responsibilities to people or pets, and an agenda with rules for how I will spend my time. I like this post from Jacqueline Suskin, where she details her rules and supports for her 2-week writing retreat.
Curiosities
My recent podcast guest Gabrielle Ione Hickmon told me about Nala Sinephro, which has become my chill out background music. I’m a big lofi jazz fan, and this feels like that but more ethereal and playful.
I was successful marketed to enough times on Instagram that I gave the app o-p-e-n app a try. I did a 7-day free trial (in retrospect wish I had Googled for a free 30-day code, but alas) and have shifted into my first month for $20. So far I’ve really enjoyed the breath work and meditations and have practices for 18 days straight.
My friend Siloh Radovsky’s newsletter is truly my favorite one that arrives in my inbox, and her recent essay blew me away. If you like essayistic writing, a vibrant story, and want to be amazed by spot-on vocabulary that makes you reread it because it was so well rendered, check out her newsletter.
Take care and talk soon,
Dr. Kate
Email: kate@katehenry.com
Website: katehenry.com
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