“I need to just do it!”
exploring aversive tasks
Quick Announcements
Save the date! I’ll be running a workshop on June 29th about taking a meaningful next step on your creative project (honestly, it’s the workshop I need right now, too!). You can be first to hear about it by signing up for my mailing list here.
“If I could just…”
“I should…”
I hear these phrases all the time when speaking with my 1-on-1 coaching clients and during the workshops I host regularly for scholars and industry professionals. I’ve been known to mumble them to myself in moments of frustration as well. Many of us face the same issue—tasks that we say we want to do, but can’t seem to make ourselves do.
Why can’t we “just” do it?
First, let’s consider what we mean when we say these words.
The word just conjures the idea of something being lawful or righteous, which implies being set in stone. When we use it as an adverb, like in “if I could just meditate everyday” or “if I could just stop doom scrolling,” we’re trying to motivate ourselves by setting up a dichotomy between a bad choice and a good one that we feel should seemingly be an easy option.
The word should implies an obligation, with etymological ties to the present tense shall, which traces to concepts of guilt or debt. When we say we should be able to do something, we’re again implying that there’s only one right option we should be choosing. My therapist uses the directive “don’t should all over yourself,” which is close enough to a gross comparison that feels appropriate. When I say I should do something, it usually does feel shitty.
What Can Just and Should Teach Us?
I don’t think we should totally dismiss our should or just phrases. After all, there’s a reason we said them, so I invite us to pause and get curious about our motivations and what’s at stake.
Are we comparing ourselves to others?
Do we feel guilty or ashamed that we haven’t done the thing yet?
Is there something we’re nervous or anxious to do?
Are we avoiding a task that we actually, truly do need to act upon, but it feels aversive?
Often I use the word just when I’m comparing my current self to some aspirational version of myself, the one who just does her meditation or movement or cleaning or laundry or other tasks without complaint and on a regular schedule. Just to me symbolizes something I might desire, but it doesn’t feel doable for me in the moment, even if I try to shame myself into doing it.
Most of my shoulds aren’t a big deal (sure, drinking more water or eating more fiber or getting more fresh air would improve my life) but some of my shoulds are a little more serious. Like how I should figure out how much money I need to put into my retirement fund as a self-employed person, which means figuring out ways to make more money so I have left over money for said retirement fund…which is a daunting task that would be much easier to ignore. But I want future Kate to be comfortable, and since I don’t have the benefit of a traditional 401K from being a full time employee for someone else, my retirement plan actually is something I should figure out, even if doing so stresses me out.
Why We Experience Task Avoidance
I’m sure if I surveyed readers on the reasons why they avoid completing tasks they wish they could just do or feel they should do, we’d have a long list. Today I want to focus on aversive tasks, because it’s a framework that covers many different challenges. This is by no means a magic wand to solve all of our obstacles, but it’s a good starting point if you’re feeling stuck.
Aversive Tasks
Aversive tasks are things we want or need to do but that we avoid doing because they make us feel or think a particular yucky way. Procrastination researcher Timothy Pychyl, PhD suggests that tasks feel aversive when they’re:
boring
frustrating
difficult
unstructured or ambiguous
lacking in personal meaning
or and lacking in intrinsic rewards
So what can we do about it? I’ll answer this by sharing a section of Exercise 12 in my book Tend to It: A Holistic Guide to Intentional Productivity.
In the three step exercise, I encourage folks to first recognize that they’re dealing with an aversive task and choose one or more of the reasons it’s aversive using Pychyl’s list above (boring, unstructured, etc.).
The second step is to imagine ways to make the task more intriguing by connecting it to your values and future goals, gamifying the task (how much can you do in X amount of time?), promising yourself a reward, or pairing the task with something tempting (treat, music, etc.).
The third step is to set yourself up with a map for doing your aversive task by answering questions like these:
Where will I do this task?
When will I do it?
How long will I spend on it?
Is it better to do it in steps or to do all at once?
Do I need to ask for help doing it?
Do I want someone to look over my work once I’m done?
Do I need accountability (i.e., working alongside others)?
Is there a way to make doing it more comfortable (physically, emotionally)?
How will I feel when the task is accomplished?
While, at some point, we do need to “just do it,” I hope these prompts make the gap between shoulding on yourself and taking meaningful action that much more manageable.
If you’d like to dive deeper, here are some additional resources and tools that could help with navigating the feelings that come up when we say I wish I could just and I should:
The two part series Why Do We Want More Discipline? and Can We Approach Discipline Through the Lens of Self-Care?
Curiosities
Cody Cook-Parrott is running an awesome 2-day workshop the weekend of June 14th! It’s called Systems for Artists: Creative Infrastructure Without Burnout.
I have a habit of procrastinating on finishing a TV series when it’s close to the end, and I’m halfway through the final season of Lie to Me...which means I decided to start watching Suits. It’s a big fan favorite, and so far I’m into it!
I started reading KC Davis’s new book about boundaries, Who Deserves Your Love. I enjoyed and highly recommend her first book How to Keep House While Drowning, so I’m hoping this one is equally helpful, too.
Take care and talk soon,
Dr. Kate
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