Pronoun and Preferred Name Information Sheet
Felt Notes
You may be wondering why the lab has this sheet put out—and for whom? Or why learning about people’s pronouns and preferred name matters? [1] Designed as a resource for all members of the Just Futures Co-lab as well as those of our classroom communities at large, this information sheet is one among many documents and protocols of the lab, which I hope aids in addressing the question of not just how we come to know the world, but also with whom we come to know the world.
My pedagogy at the lab and beyond has always included the practice of co-building space and community guidelines to establish and enact norms, values, and a code of conduct that can make the space a welcoming, accessible, responsive, and an affirming learning environment for everyone [2]. These norms take form and shape on the first day of class through a collective writing exercise, and we return to their additions and editing during the semester as we grow in our understanding of each other, and the course or lab matter under study.
Whilst each space and community guideline is rooted in the syllabus and class community in formation, three interconnected norms that I have consistently followed and returned to are:
1. Respect gender pronouns,
2. Respect and use everybody’s preferred names, and
3. Respect the way people introduce or present themselves (a shout-out to my queer and trans students in the 2023 MA Gender and Technology seminar for this addition).
Why respect gender pronouns?
We all use gender pronouns and we all have grown up referring to each other using gender pronouns. Oftentimes, however, our knowledge of people’s gender identity and corresponding pronoun use is in the binary, that is, either she/her/hers or he/him/his—and oftentimes, our binary use of these pronouns is based on what we have come to assume of that person’s identity based on what we see and infer as their gender expression also within the binary. Gender expression is not the same as gender identity. Gender identity is, and has always been, beyond the binary. So, when someone comes to you and says, “my pronouns are they/them/theirs” or “I use ze/zir/zirs as my pronouns,” refer to that person in speech and writing accordingly and make references about that individual to others duly.
You may also hear people use pronouns such as “they/he” or “she/they.” In such contexts, you may use one of the two pronouns stated, or better still, ask that person if they prefer using, they or he, or she or they pronoun? We have an ongoing relationship with gender, and we should encourage each other to claim, embody, or even abolish that relationship in whichever role, expression, and enactment as would best align with where we are in the world—and with ourselves.
To respect a person’s use of gender pronouns is then to honor that individual and look beyond what you see or would like to see of that individual.
Why respect an individual’s preferred name?
A person’s preferred name is any of their first, middle, or last name that they have made distinct from their official name, and for many, their dead name (which is a name that one no longer uses). People may prefer a name for themselves for several reasons, including a name that aligns with their gender identity, a name that holds deep meaning personally, and/or as a nickname that they wish for you to use for them—and none of which they are obligated to explain to you.
To respect an individual’s preferred name in formal or informal communication, in written or spoken form, and as direct or indirect reference is to respect them in the way they show up in the world.
Why respect how a person may introduce or present themselves?
On the first day of any class or lab meeting, we would introduce ourselves in terms of our names, preferred names, pronouns (if comfortable sharing them publicly), and aspects of our background, identity, and interest areas that have brought us to that space and learning community. Following each of the notes above regarding gender pronouns, identity markers, and preferred name use, these introductions can feel awkward, overwhelming, or even stressful when either meeting people for the first time or re-introducing aspects of yourself to an otherwise familiar setting.
To respect how a person may introduce or present themselves is to open ourselves to learning about that person in whichever way and to whatever extent they are comfortable sharing—and equally to acknowledge the many ways in which each of our personalities and participation forms might unfold through time within classroom and non-classroom environments.
What if you misgender or misname or misrepresent someone by accident?
If you are anxious about making mistakes, then ask yourself where is this anxiety coming from? If it is stemming from not using the right reference, and consequently, offending the person, please know that we all make mistakes—it’s OK. From there, you may proceed with a quick, direct, and sincere apology. For example, you may say: “I’m sorry, what are your pronouns?” or “I’m sorry, I realized I misgendered you or I used your dead name. I’m educating myself and I’ll take care not to make this mistake again” or in instances where you encounter someone else being misgendered or misnamed, you may say, “X uses ___ pronouns” or “[This] is their name.”
Please also know that pronoun and preferred name guidelines are not “etiquette rules” [3], but rather a way for me and the lab to invite you to extend our queer-feminist discourses and vocabularies into community- and inquiry-building work.
Where and what can you do more to build a mutually meaningful learning environment?
Start by educating yourself about pronouns, preferred names, dead names, gender identity, and gender expression—and by never stopping to learn. Languages, including the languages of queer and trans folx, are plural, non-neutral, and ever so evolving, so it is important to listen to and follow the lead of queer and trans folx in everyday and scholarly communication, as well as cite and view these terms in their use context through time. The publication of a community-adapted glossary of LGBTQIA+ terms in the Tamil Nadu Government Gazette of the Social Welfare and Women Empowerment Department in 2022 is one example that shows additionally how there is always more to an acronym (LGBTQIA+) than what its individual letters might disclose or communicate [4].
Also: ask questions and challenge yours and others assumptions—and whilst doing so, please know that it may not always be possible for queer and trans folx to educate you about identities and identifications because such questions are often emotionally heavy for many of us [5].
Notes
[1] This resource material draws from the “They/Them Pronoun Info Sheet for Inclusive Workplaces and Communities” as written and made publicly available by digital media and queer games studies scholar Bo Ruberg at USC and UC Irvine in April 2017. I have developed and located this information further in the pedagogy and community of the Just Futures Co-lab at Srishti Manipal Institute.
[2] I trace this practice to my Public Active Graduate Education (PAGE) fellowship and co-directorship work with Imagining America: Artists and Scholars in Public Life (2015-2018).
[3] I am always thinking with the DEI critiques of my former colleague, disability culture activist, and community performance artist Petra Kuppers, involving workshops and information sessions that end up being “etiquette rules” for dominant groups on campus.
[4] Words matter. Published in Tamil and English, the glossary serves as an official communication guide for both government and Tamil media to uphold the dignity of queer and trans people in the state. The glossary includes terms such as Thirunangai (transgender woman), Thirunambi (transgender man), Paalputhumai (queer), Oodupal (intersex) among others, and was developed by “Queer Chennai Chronicles, Orinam and The News Minute, building on the work done by QCC-TNM media reference guide and Orinam’s terminology, and included by Justice Anand Venkatesh in one of the interim orders of the Sushma (2021) case.” (Source: “Tamil Nadu Gazette publishes LGBTQIA+ Glossary,” The Orinam Blog, August 23, 2022. http://orinam.net/tamil-nadu-gazette-publishes-lgbtqia-glossary-aug-2022/).
[5] As I am writing this document, I am also mindful of the labour I am taking on to move away from gender and sexuality 101 sensitization work and towards grounding a set of recurring community guidelines into discourses and inquiries that I pursue in the lab with my students and peers. For more about the lab, see: https://srishtimanipalinstitute.in/centers-and-labs/just-futures-co-lab.html
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Thank you for reading and for integrating these guidelines into your pedagogy. Please feel free to adapt and extend this information sheet (downloadable link) for and into your classroom inclusion policies, and if you do so, please attribute as follows:
This document was developed by Kush Patel (they/he) for the Just Futures Co-lab at Srishti Manipal Institute with feedback from students Anan (they/them), Ananya (he/him), Sowmya (she/her), and Navya (she/her) on March 13, 2024. This information is subject to additions and edits in community.
About
Felt Notes are monthly dispatches about the work of the Just Futures Co-lab, and the co-labouring worlds of research and teaching in art, design, and the digital humanities that it scaffolds, furthers, and amplifies. The letter writing translates the ever so negotiated nature of this space at Srishti Manipal Institute and the discourse and scholarship on equity and justice I produce with students and wider academic and non-academic community members through critical pedagogy; archives and databases; interactive digital storytelling; and inquiries into queer-feminist media technologies and infrastructures.
I hope reading this letter and its upcoming segments are a meaningful experience for you. If you aren’t subscribed yet, you may do so here. If you are already subscribed, I would love for you to share the link with friends and trusted networks as we make sense of our relationships to technology as well as our relationships to each other via technology. If you would like to write or co-write a letter in the future or share any announcements, please feel free to get in touch with me, and whilst you’re here, please also check out the Felt Notes Archive.
Kush Patel