Memo 23: Emotional Overstepping
Hello, and welcome back — I held off on posting last week for two big things, the first larger than the second: the attack in Atlanta last week, and the recent news about Substack. Regarding the Atlanta attack, it felt most appropriate for me to share resources and thoughts about representation from AA voices and, ultimately, not post about insignificant thoughts like Jouissance. And as for Substack, I am looking into other places to host Jouissance that still give the same flexibility as this software without any insane fees (these memos are running on free.com baby!). So more will develop on that Substack-switching front hopefully soon.
A show that recently took space in my brain is Marriage or Mortgage, which is an infuriating show from just the concept. In each episode, an engaged couple brings around $30k to a Nashville wedding planner-real estate agent duo and decides on whether they want to use that money towards their first house's down payment, or a wedding. You would think they would choose a house every time, right? Right?
No! I’ve only watched 3 episodes so far and 2/3 couples chose a wedding. And the cherry on top is that this was originally done before Covid, so for the couple that chose a wedding, they end up having an incredibly disappointing Covid-friendly wedding that is a fraction of what they thought they were getting.
What really got me about the show is not just the ridiculous decision-making occurring for public entertainment, but instead how the hosts of the show — wedding planner Sarah Miller and real estate agent Nichole Holmes — exploit the couple emotionally while pitching their side of the show. This is incredibly transparent in the second episode of the show, which follows financées Denise and Nicholas and explains their background: Nicholas has been married before but just eloped, so a real wedding would be nice, but they also need a home for Nicholas’ child from the aforementioned previous marriage. The couple also reveals that Denise’s father was in foster care and his home burned down, so family is very important to her.
It makes sense for these details to be shared; we instantly get to know Denise and Nicholas, and we want them to end up happy. But Sarah and Nichole take Denise’s painful history and absolute run with it. For the first home tour, Nichole brings them to a cute place but the energy instantly changes when Denise notices things in frames on the countertop. They are her father’s handwritten recipes that did not burn up in the fire, which Nichole had to secretly get from Nicholas. Imagine walking into a home tour with multiple cameras following your every move for a reality show, and the real estate agent staged the house with your intensely personal belongings that you now have to react to in front of the nation.
And then when Nichole explains it to Sarah, what is Nichole’s reaction?:
This insane belief that she is doing a favor for Denise?!
And it really just gets worse throughout the episode. When Sarah takes Denise and Nicholas wedding dress shopping, it’s a touching moment as Denise finds a dress that her and Nicholas really like. Cute, right? Apparently note cute enough, as Sarah whips out a present for Denise: an embroidered handkerchief with her dad’s name on it.
The real coup de théâtre is at the end, when we find Denise and Nicholas three months into their new home (they ended up choosing a house, thank god). Sarah and Nichole come on over to congratulate them with a present. The gift is none other than a goddamn fire-proof safe. And if that’s not boundary-crossing enough, this is what Nichole says seconds after they unwrap the gift:
It is absolutely mind-blowing how much the hosts of the show abuse Denise’s honesty by forcing her to think about her kinda-traumatic past over and over again in the name of “kindness” and with the hope of money at the end. After seeing the recipes in the house and the handkerchief, Denise cries as Nichole just smiles. It’s a little hard to watch Denise constantly being forced to align with her past difficulties to help the show go on. She must have felt like the ever-relatable dog in a room on fire meme.
This overstepping of emotional openness reminds me of Extreme Makeover: Home Edition,¹ which is a real classic from awhile ago. In the show, Ty and company renovate the home of a deserving family within a week. Some of the design choices were tacky and if the family was tacky too, it all worked out.
But I vividly remember times where Ty would ask the 5-year-old son of the family what he liked, and the kid would say something dumb and appropriate for a 5-year-old like, “I like gorillas!” And then Ty would come back a week later and tell the kid, “You like gorillas, so here’s your gorilla-themed room, you have a gorilla-shaped bed, we have noises of the jungle blasting 24/7 and we replaced your curtains with tropical leaves to make you feel like a gorilla.” If that seems like an exaggeration, it’s not and there’s proof of this overstepping. Though it’s of a more lighthearted and altruistic nature, it’s another example where you give a reality show an inch and they take a mile.
Is it so insane to hope that acknowledgment of your past difficulties or current likes could happen in the public sphere without exploitation in pursuit of money and attention? As reality shows and social media sinks to lower and lower standards, maybe not. But not all hope is lost: at the end of the second episode when the fireproof safe is revealed, Denise does not cry. Maybe she is now immune to Sarah and Nichole’s tomfoolery. Instead of engaging with their antics, she gives them the opposite of what they want: a reaction. We could all be like Denise.
And because there is always more to consume, here are some LINKS from this past week:
The Pastry A.I. That Learned to Fight Cancer. The article is just as cool as the title sounds.
This map shows an incredibly detailed look into the names of Donald Duck's nephews across Europe. Your first reaction may be, “Cam, I don’t need to know this.” To which I respond, oh yes you do.
What falling robots reveal about the absurdity of human trust. Here’s the weekly dose of Jouissance’s existential-technology-slash-human-ethos article.
Netflix’s City of Ghosts Maps a Better Way to See LA—and Everywhere Else. You don’t need much to push me towards kids’ shows with wholesome adult-friendly themes (cough cough Summer Camp Island), but when it connects with LA, history and urban planning? And ghosts?! Almost too good to be true.
For Creators, Everything Is for Sale. The first company mentioned in the article, NewNew, literally sounds like a Black Mirror episode plot. Prove me wrong.
Super Nintendo World review: sensory overload which yes, theme parks are infinitely closer to simulacra and other actual Black Mirror-esque worries in the present day than software used by a couple hundred influencers, but… AR MarioCart!
It’s with that Ty Pennington guy, you know it even if you think you don’t.