Memo 18: Tea
Not too much went on this week in the world, beyond the bizarre Joe Biden-GQ photoshop mess and reading reviews of Malcolm & Marie before watching it tonight (which is a faux pas in and of itself, but I couldn’t help myself). Oh, of course there’s the Myanmar coup and the government v. farmer protests in New Delhi that are taking place on the global stage, but my head is empty (and not articulate) when it comes to serious matters like that. No thoughts, just vibes.
In my immediate world this week — which stays at a small, comfortable level due to being cooped up inside 9/10 times — I had a small but crucial goal. It was to get a new electric kettle and a new pack of Guayaki yerba mate tea packets. To stay morally pure, I wanted to hold myself to a goal and not use Amazon for ordering any of it.
Now, the pros and cons of an adventure like this. Pros: neither a kettle or yerba are too hard to find, I live in a large metropolis and I have a car to get around said metropolis. Cons: my apartment only wanted a specific kind of kettle, the yerba packets are incredibly hard to find in a store because I’m picky and going around town willy-nilly is ill-advised as we are still in a pandemic.¹ I will cut to the chase and say that yes, the hunt for both proved successful. To do so, it took multiple phone calls, holding items at stores, driving into multiple neighborhoods and more time than it was worth.
My first reaction was that not just caving to Amazon was, in a way, hard. But it was not hard at all, it was just a bit of an inconvenience. And I don’t even use Amazon that much in my day-to-day life at all. Why my first reaction from the whole situation that avoiding Amazon was hard? Was it the knowledge that theoretically, it could have been easier the whole time — even if the effort saved is pennies on the dollar?
Even though I thought I learned my tea-based lesson, another shocking tea news completely grabbed my attention: the secret cult history behind Celestial Seasonings, the #1 tea manufacturer in America. Also known as (to me at least), soft and humble teas with the iconic Sleepytime bear.²
My only tie to Celestial Seasonings is that my great-uncle has, and sometimes still does, create the art that shines on the front of the boxes. For all intents and purposes, I stand by my great-uncle’s art (see below with this badass dragon and queen lady):
But the real history of Celestial Seasonings is not as glossy as these fantastical images. Celestial Seasonings was founded by Mo Siegel in 1969 in the Rocky Mountains, all nice and good. But Siegel is also the president of the Urantia Foundation, who has published the Urantia book. What’s in that book? The book, for starters, claims to be of extraterrestrial wisdom but can be ripped apart on its claims. The more alarming part? The book claims there are 6 different human races, with the “superior race” being fair-skinned and blue-eyed, and that eugenics should be allowed to get rid of the “inferior” races… you’ve heard this before somewhere!
So Siegel is a weird guy, so what? Well, some theorize that Celestial Seasonings is tied to Urantia because the book has claimed it’s authored by “celestial beings,” meaning that “celestial seasonings” may refer to sprinkles of wisdom from aliens. Alien eugenics tea, coming right up.
A very juvenile, cynical take is that most — if not all — large corporations are corrupted by capitalism at this point. A less juvenile, cynical take is that even if you don’t actively participate in a conglomerate or cult-based tea, you still live in the same sphere as them and are one lazy buy away from enabling them. An optimistic, ignorant take is that what I don’t buy from won’t hurt me. And an optimistic, realistic take is that every time I stray away from Amazon and huge culty tea manufacturers, I’m doing my best. I’ll be cycling between all of these takes to keep myself sane.
And because there is always more to consume, here are some LINKS from this past week:
The Many Lives of Steven Yeun. This has been, is, and will always be a pro-Steven Yeun Substack. This article specifically goes beyond just a usual actor interview and involves commentary on Asian-American representation, then meta-commentary on that, so on and so on. Doing this could have resulted in a repetitive piece, but instead, it’s wonderfully nuanced and articulate.
What on Earth Is in Subway’s Tuna? This is a really fun article because it literally doesn’t mention what the plaintiffs (who are suing Subway) think is in the “tuna” instead of any actual tuna, but now I’m curious: what the hell is Subway feeding poor suckers who buy tuna subs?
The New York Times and the Unending Blizzard of Takes. Every CJR piece is an incredible read, and this one on the history of op-ed pieces — especially in relation to the NYT, which puts out terrible takes sometimes — is no different.
The Dream Job That Wasn't, which talks to people who perform fantastically wild dream jobs and asks them about the reality of it day-to-day. It may sound predictable, but any article that begins with, “When I was young, my dream job was to be a horse. I didn’t want to be a horse girl, but a girl who is a horse,” is a path worth taking.
Selling Sunset and the Marketing of California. It may seem like forever ago that Selling Sunset was a hot topic and Californians couldn’t go outside because of ash from fires traveling up and down the coast, but the topics touched upon in here are evergreen.
For Babies, Life May Be a Trip. Babies are constantly zooted, and because of that I’m jealous of them.
Even if Garcetti and Newsom have decided, through a lack of logic, that we are “doing just fine.”
For some pop culture knowledge: Celestial Seasonings’ Sleepytime Tea is the #1 bestselling specialty tea of all time.