Sharks and, Oh Dear, Cyborgs
Cinema Disaster: Shark Attack
Shark movies have always bothered me...even when I enjoy them. Jaws has a lot to answer for. Let's take the black tipped shark, which occasionally bites people...usually when it thinks you want its fish.
Well, guess what. Humans kill far more black tipped sharks than black tipped sharks injure humans (most black tip attacks result in minor wounds).
This movie actually gives the sharks more benefit than most. In fact, the sharks are also victims...of human interference, with not one, but two evil plots going on.
Unfortunately, it loses all of that with "You know sharks have amazing immune systems. Completely resilient to any form of disease."
It's 1999, when the "sharks don't get cancer" thing was much more widely believed, but any disease?
Btw, sharks do, in fact, get cancer. And shark cartilage does not cure cancer, but I do suspect that myth inspired this movie.
(Yes, somebody is doing research on a cancer cure involving sharks).
In the movie and...in reality? Shark cartilage can't cure cancer, but there are experiments going on using shark antibodies, which apparently do a good job of hunting down cancer cells, including in humans.
So, uh...yeah. Sharks might cure cancer after all, whoda thunk it.
This movie, on the other hand, cures nothing. Unless you're really bored...
The Avengers 2.19 "The Golden Eggs"
Okay, so...on the one hand I might be tempted to give them a pass on the terrible virology in this episode, given when it was written.
On the other, I'm pretty sure that even then we knew that viruses could affect different species differently.
On the third, I remember being incorrectly taught that viruses are species-specific. So I shouldn't be surprised.
It also involves fake hen's eggs painted gold, of course.
Mostly this is a classic heist, but with the twist that the bad guy has his own Cathy Gale.
Oh, and there's a scene which makes it very much not a surprise that Steed never married. I wouldn't want to live with him!
Cinema Disaster: Nemesis 5: The New Model
This series. Oh man, this series. 5 was better than 4 for two reasons: No cybernetic sex scene (no, you do not want to know) and very little Sue Price. But this is still a movie I watched so other people didn't have to, and did not watch sober.
For those unfamiliar with the concept, the Nemesis series features the war between the LAPD and the Red Army Hammerheads. The LAPD are the good guys.
One of the bad girls is called Barbie, probably because she looks like one and contains even more plastic. That should sum this up.
Sue Price, the previous star, passes the torch here to Schuylar Craig as Ari Frost, the "New Model" who must remain human. (Yeah, we're doing the entire cyber corruption thing here).
And like the rest, this movie features punctuated equilibrium, with the punctuation being fight scenes and the equilibrium being a mix of exposition, monologues and, of course, the heroine traveling through the desert. Oh, right, and the night club scene, because there has to be a night club scene. Dawna Lee Helsing as Barbie manages to stand out here...as the worst of the actors.
No, don't watch it. Or if you do, get your alcoholic or pot-laced beverage of choice ready (would it be better stoned? Hrm...)
The Handmaid's Tale 5.6 "Together"
Turns out June and Luke got caught by mercenaries aligned with Gilead. They dump Luke at the border, and pop June on a bus full of captured runaways (most seem to be Marthas).
But they plan on killing June in No Man's Land, and Serena demands to come along...then to do it herself.
She loses her cool, shoots her escort, and kidnaps June instead. What the heck is going on?
Oh, right. Her hosts treating her like a Handmaid is what is going on. Not so much fun to be on the receiving end of "go to your room," now, is it, Serena Joy.
Oh, and Warren Putnam is executed for raping Esther before she's assigned to him, setting a "don't touch the unassigned handmaid's precedent" that really makes sense even in Gilead's framework.
Even if they are still property...
The Handmaid's Tale 5.7 "No Man's Land"
Whewf!
Serena goes into labor and gives birth in a barn, with June delivering the baby...as June flashes back to an incident where Gilead did an emergency c-section on a Handmaid without taking any steps to save her life. Maybe she couldn't have been saved, but...
Vessels.
Which is why June saves Serena instead of taking Noah...unfortunately, Luke has other ideas and calls immigration on her to get her deported back to Gilead...ideally without the baby.
He's all in on revenge, but June wants to be a better person.
Which she is anyway. Serena, you know that offer to go to Hawaii? The one you didn't take when you could? Might want to see if that's still open.