The Avengers 3.7 “The Gilded Cage”

This aired in 1963, and for once it shows. We have a guy in a wheelchair and a Black guy.

They are both bad guys.

John P. Spagge is a criminal mastermind who claims he’s retired, but Steed doesn’t buy it. So they tempt him with a gold bullion robbery from an air conditioned vault (that’s actually important).

Cathy gets arrested for Spagge’s murder. Or does she? Shenanigans ensue that involve sleeping gas and postcards.

Postcards are how she slips up, of course.

And the presence of the Great Dane makes up for the 1960s social issues.

(This show does very well by women, but…it’s still the early 60s).

Cinema Disaster: Hydra (2025)

Where do I even start? I wanted a creature feature. It seems an unfortunate trend that when I queue up something I think is going to be a creature feature, I get something else.

In this case, I got a movie that reminded me of Jeff VanderMeer’s Annihilation, except written by a drunk, talentless college student and with no actual plot.

I mean, there was a plot. Echidna has amnesia (or does she) and is feeding people to the Hydra (or is she?). There’s a house that looks like it was designed by an AI programmed by Escher.

None of the dialog makes sense. The house, which sets off a siren any time anyone talks in it? Never really explained. Hercules’ hat? Definitely not explained, but there’s no explanation for a sartorial choice like that.

It makes no sense. It’s not supposed to make sense. And nobody in it can act except maybe the hydra.

Hail, hydra!

Nah.

Nothing worth hailing here. Move along.

The Avengers 3.8 “The Medicine Men”

Steed and Gale investigate product counterfeiting.

Being as it’s this show, it doesn’t stop there, of course.  What’s worse than fake stomach powder that doesn’t do you much good?

Poisonous stomach powder, of course.

Gale disguises herself as a business efficiency consultant, and I’d 100% buy it. She is also, rarely, seen in shoes in this episode. Yeah, actual shoes.

Steed apparently golfs. Possibly they both do.

A solid episode, even if the fight choreography was…possibly worse than usual (not to mention the goofy fight music, but I kind of like that part).

Wizards of Waverly Place: The Movie

Usually series-attached made-for-TV movies are the worst. This one is actually better than the series. Part of this is that they clearly had more money...better effects and even, I suspect, better cameras.

Part of it was that it's very hard to let the characters breathe in 25 minute comedy episodes.

Alex is dragged to a Caribbean all inclusive and hates it as much as I did the time somebody did that to me. And ends up wishing her parents never met.

And then not being able to reverse it. What ensues is an entertaining take off of Indiana Jones. Jerry, as a full wizard, is more like Max than Justin, playing magical pranks and using magic frivolously. Apparently...he needs grounding.

Max is doing the Back-to-the-Future gig because well, if they don't reverse the spell, they'll disappear.

Jerry's one solution is to make Alex and Justin do the Family Wizard battle now. Alex wins, but she doesn't have the spell knowledge to do it.

Mom saves the day.

Also, don't turn the bird back into a lady, because she ain't one.

Yeah, this was substantially more entertaining than the series, but honestly a bit less actually funny so maybe that's just me.

Wizards of Waverly Place 3.1"Franken Girl"

Alex keeps raiding Justin's room. He has a new hairsyle for the new season. I don't like it.

Justin decides to create a Frankenstein's monster to protect his room. At least they didn't make it a golem.

This episode is punching down trash. Franken Girl is heavily autism coded and there to be mocked (and to disappear, no doubt, like the dog). The CTL-ALT-DELETE skit is vaguely amusing, everything else made me want to feed the entire writer's room laxatives. It's the 21st century. There's no excuse for an entire episode of "Look how dumb she is" comedy.

None.