Badass Gungans and Land Mines
Actual Arizona, just saying…
Star Wars: The Clone Wars 3.21 “Padawan Lost”
During a mission, Ahsoka, sent to perform a flanking mission up a tough cliff, is captured by lizard men (why are lizard men always evil) who like to hunt sentients.
Particularly Jedi, but they know they can’t take Jedi Knights. So they go after Padawans and younglings. In their hunting grounds, she finds a group of previously kidnapped younglings who have given up hope of anything but base survival.
It’s Ahsoka’s task to lead them to victory.
Here I give the show kudos: The characters are as dirty as you would expect for people living on the run!
Star Wars: The Clone Wars 3.22 “Wookiee Hunt”
Why hi there, Chewbacca.
The best part of this is that Chewbacca doesn’t help the stranded young Jedi by beating anything up. It’s his remarkable engineering and gadgetry skills that save the day. Chewbacca (and wookiees in general) is so often portrayed as “muscle” that it was nice to have that reminder.
Downside…the texturing on the wookiees in this animation style made them look plastic. Ah well.
Ahsoka is growing into somebody who isn’t going to need Anakin for all that much longer, which was a good point to make in a season finale.
But yeah, I was happy to see Chewie. (Where did Ahsoka learn wookiee? Is it part of the standard curriculum that the younglings hadn’t gotten to yet?)
Cinema Disaster: Vampegeddon (2010)
Oh, this movie. First of all, content warning for breasts. For gratuitous female near nudity. There is no gratuitous male near nudity. This is very unfair.
A group of jaded teenagers (all the actors look 30) in a small town are trying to summon vampires with made up rituals. Little do they know that a powerful vampire was killed here a hundred or so years ago after Bram Stoker gave the vampires so much publicity they all went to America.
It’s supposed to be in Arizona. I don’t buy it.
All of the characters are stupid, evil, or both. Just horrible people that make you want to root for the vampires. Liz is the only one I didn’t want to see get eaten…I just wanted her to stop whining (I got my wish).
The only relatable moment in the entire flick was when one of the characters discovered he didn’t like gin.
It’s fun in its own way…that soundtrack, if what you want is a mindless vampire flick that brings nothing new to the genre but homages Stoker in its own way.
Also, you might as well just have called it the Necronomicon, people.
The sexism and borderline homophobia is a problem. The acting is abysmal. But it has its moments.
Doctor Who 1.4 “Boom”
Oh, this is a Moffatt episode alright. The Doctor and Millie land on a planet in the middle of the war and the Doctor steps on a land mine…and it’s the classic “move and the mine goes off” trope.
First of all, this episode makes something canon that I’ve always felt about Time Lords…they’re really energy beings wrapped up in a humanoid form. It makes so much more sense than any other explanation for regeneration. (Which they only have the energy to do so many times without a new influx of energy).
The episode shows existential fear of AI (I get it), and is also about the senselessness of war. It’s also a wee bit…just a bit…anti organized religion, although Anglican Ordained Marines wearing dog collars amuse me.
But while the Doctor admits he doesn’t like faith, he also acknowledges what it does for others. Gatwa brings his usual manic energy to a darker episode…he really does remind me of what we could have had with Colin Baker if he and the producer hadn’t hated each others guts. I always liked C. Baker more than most fans, so this suits me fine.
The ambulances are a typical creepy Moffatt touch, although he’s said this return is very transient. He’s doing this episode, the Christmas special, and then no more. I have to assume, then, that these are based off of scripts he worked on when he was running the show that he never used and wanted to.
But this one at least was well adjusted to suit Gatwa’s distinctive style.
The ambulance at least seems to think Ruby’s human, so that sets aside some theories, but that certainly doesn’t explain the snow.
Star Wars: The Clone Wars 4.1 “Water War”
No, not a war over water. A war under water. We go to the Mon Calamari homeworld and discover they have shark enemies. I mean, squid are…never mind.
The king has been assassinated and because they practice hereditary monarchy, the new king is like 13. This doesn’t go well…although he does get to bond with Ahsoka.
What mostly makes this episode fun is the underwater mass combat scenes, including trident blasters and waterproof drones.
Star Wars: The Clone Wars 4.2 “Gungan Attack”
Where are we going to find an aquatic army to help the Mon Calamari? Mesa know.
(Gungans can actually be badass. They really can).
Mostly just more spectacular underwater combat and Ahsoka telling the prince not to make decisions out of fear.
You know this is why hereditary monarchies are a problem, right, far future people?
Doctor Who 1.5 “73 Yards”
Doctor Who is at its best when it leans into horror, and a mysterious woman who is always 73 yards away and sends anyone who talks to her mad is pretty good horror.
This episode also punches Nazis, and I’m always there for that.
It also makes absolutely no sense in an utterly beautiful way. Ruby is separated from the Doctor and leads an entire life with one purpose…stopping an evil Prime Minister from starting World War III. By using the 73 yard woman who may also be Ruby.
It’s actually a very specific type of horror…folk horror. It’s also a time loop episode and, perhaps, fantasy…although I believe that the “supernatural” in Doctor Who is merely Clarkean…just like the TARDIS itself.
Also, you don’t step in fairy rings. Right?