When I look into her eyes
You ever feel like you’re exactly where you need to be? The other night, driving home from NYC on the turnpike, the sun was setting at 9:12pm and I looked back and realized that I was right where I was supposed to be in that very moment. It’s hard to explain, but if you’ve ever felt like that, then you know what I mean. I hope you get to have that feeling one day.
The last few months have felt like such a whirlwind to me. I feel like I’ve been gone, living hundreds of different lives. And on the turnpike, I felt like I was finally coming back to the life I know. I like it here.
I went on a date recently. I thought about cancelling like three times that day. We got an incredible summer thunderstorm that made it nearly impossible to drive. And she was late. And I wanted to go home. But at the end of the night, when this girl hugged me, she held onto me a little tighter and a little longer than people usually do. And hugs never really mean much to me, but that one did.
I love the summer. And I love falling in love in the summer. I’m not. But maybe I will.
I met a girl, R, whose eyes are translucent green. They look like shallow beach water. They look like peridot. I can’t help but stare into them. Sometimes the only thing I don’t like about them is that they don’t belong to C instead.
I told R that sometimes when I look into her eyes, they remind me of someone else’s. She told me that I’m allowed to remember.
Life is beautiful and painful all at once.