I don't feel like celebrating
I’m supposed to be celebrating today. When I returned the signed offer letter this morning, the message I got back was full of party emojis. It said “we hope you spend the weekend celebrating”.
I don’t feel like celebrating today. And I won’t feel like celebrating this weekend.
Losing someone is hard, especially when it isn’t your fault. And my brain does this painful and exhausting thing where my internal narrative turns into something like:
“…first time at my office with her gone”
“…first time driving down this street with her gone”
“…first time having good news to share with her gone”
And then I start to feel pressured to do all the things and go to all the places that feel even remotely connected to her so I can start to create new memories.
So I can remind myself that I still exist. That I existed before. And that I’ll continue to exist. Regardless of the fact that she’s gone.
I’m tired. Send love my way, y’all. I’m not good.
I need to change my sheets.