
It's possible, dear reader, you may recall a previous issue of this newsletter in which your IMPORTANT BEAR NEWS curator discussed new careers and new nearby cave-dwellings. As part of said era of change, it was said in a previous era / decade / millennia, this newsletter's frequency was at the risk of a dramatic decline. That was in early May, you'll no doubt recall. It's nearly September. An entire season of bears frolicking, joyriding and music-making has come and gone, and not a single issue of IMPORTANT BEAR NEWS has left the cave since that fateful day. On one side, it's perhaps good that your curator was accurate in the prediction of a decline in publication. But also, it's pretty pathetic, and for that, we, as always, apologize. The bears do not care if we change jobs. The bears do not care if we leave home or head back home again after a long absence or dramatically change our personal and professional circumstances beyond all recognizable horizons. The bears, merely, continue on. And as such, so must this newsletter. Rather than bore you (
'CUT TO THE FEELING' WAS THE REAL SONG OF THE SUMMER), we'll continue — or cut — as always, TO THE BEARS.
Absenteeism In Bear Population Is Fine, Y'All
In Paddington Russia, Soviet Bear Spies On You!
Russian Town Flags Are Good, Part 32
Russian Town Flags Are Good, Part 33
Respect The Bear And It Will Respect You Back
VR Isn't Quite There, Yet (But The Bears Are There)
Four Out Of Five Bears Prefer Self-Starting Cars
'Have Better Snacks, Please,' Bears Ask
The Great Bear Nation Will Earn The Gold Medals It Frankly Deserves
More Bears, More Problems (For Everybody But the Bears, Honestly)
Don't Walk On Bear, Bear Won't Walk On You
(The Comparison Is Apt, We Think)
The Real Chinese President Lives In Midtown Manhattan
We're Not Crying, You Are
Why Do Pandas Fall In Love So Poorly? A Loveless Story
BABY DARTH ALERT. BABY. DARTH. ALERT.
DON'T. BE. CRUEL. TO. BEARS.
If You Have A Pool, A Bear Will Come And Honestly Do Not Be Alarmed It's Fine
Area Family Intrudes On Other Bearea Family Hike, Chaos Ensues
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Same, TBH
The Sheep Know What They Did, And So Do You
THE BEAR IS STILL LEARNING, KARIN, MY GOD
Bear Activist Is A Perfectly Acceptable Hill To Die On
Be More Like British Columbia, FLORIDA AND NEW JERSEY
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The Joke Is Lenin And A Bear, Folks
CHARISMATIC MEGA-BABY
Smokey the Bear (Smokey susurraverat Ursus), public advertising mascot used by the United States Forest Service to help prevent forest fires and educate the general public about the risks and behaviors that can lead to forest fires. First developed in 1944 by the Ad Council's Albert Staehle and Harold Rosenberg, Smokey has become a popular symbol of mid-20th Century American pop culture. His impact on forest fire prevention or education is, at times, hotly debated. Smokey's original slogan "Remember...Only YOU Can Prevent Forest Fires!" was, in 2001, changed to "Remember...Only YOU Can Prevent Wildfires."
food: Mass ignorance, raw kindling, waylaid matches and naturally occurring underbrush. Also, honey.
habitat: Most national parks, public wildlife areas and U.S. Scouting jamborees. The remains of many generations of the Smokey Bear Family currently are publicly viewable in Smokey Bear Historical Park in Capitan, NM.
(via Wikipedia)
Potatoes Are Good And Everybody Loves Them
This Is A Bad Idea And I'll Fight You About It
Are You Actually Kidding?
Your Curator is Raising Money To Cure Diabetes, So
Deepest Congrats To Sen.-Elect Kid Rock (R-MI)
Team Pup n'Suds 4 Lyfe
Kevin Is The Best And Don't You Forget It