We did it! We survived the British GP!

Hi, there. It’s been a while, for reasons. But hey, let’s just focus on the fact we got through the weekend that is the British GP.

The propaganda level output from the major English language coverage is a Thing every time Formula 1 races in the UK. In fact, the propaganda is so powerful it creates the Realm of the British GP. This Realm is much like our everyday reality but with some key differences.

Let’s discuss.

The fans

Contrary to any other race weekend where there are fans from all over the world, the British GP is attended only and exclusively by British fans.

Using a beyond next level power, the pundits at Sky F1 and F1TV simply decree that everyone who attends the British GP is British. We can tell this truly is the Realm of the British GP because otherwise the grotesque xenophobia in much of the UK would ooze out of the grass beneath the presenters’ feet. There’s also the fact that “British” is an identity that many who were born and/or live in the UK don’t subscribe to, some violently.

In the face of these immense forces, the only thing keeping the Realm of the British GP from spontaneously combusting is the power of Formula 1.

Not only are these fans all #British, they are collectively able to channel some pagan gods in such a way that means that all British drivers enter into a time dilation zone, which results in them appearing to go faster on the track.

The weather

The land the track is on used to be an airfield, waaay way back. This is why it’s so windy there, because, as we know, an airfield, like a cornfield is where air is grown. This creates an abundance of wind, causing the gusty conditions we saw consequences of all weekend. The ancient air generators are powered by anyone mentioning the weather; more mentions of the weather mean more wind. It is unclear whether the pundits are aware of this fact.

The Realm of the British GP, centred on top of and parallel to what we would recognise as southern England, is the only place on earth to have a changeable weather, or humid heat. We must be reminded of this at every opportunity, which then further powers the ancient air generators.

The track

The Realm of the British GP is one where all other race tracks are terrible, if they even exist. Certainly none have a storied history. No other track is near a formerly sleepy village. The marshals marshalling in the Realm of the British GP are the best in the world. It is unclear how big this world is, or if there are even marshals elsewhere in it.

The race

In the Realm of the British GP, naturally the best race is the British GP. And no other race in the world has been attended by celebrities (local or otherwise), or inbred overlords royal families.

And finally, one fact that does cross over to our regular reality; Lewis Hamilton is the most successful driver there.

But, here we are. Safely back into our regular reality, and I hope your regular reality is safe.