My Two Wolves
This is Finish Your Monsters, a weekly blog/newsletter/blogletter about the creative process. I'm sharing adventures in art and life as well as setting CLIFFHANGER goals for myself, so--
--DID I MAKE MY GOAL?
Last week, I committed to making some big steps on the feature film I’m producing. Specifically, I wanted to finish editing the 6 minute teaser for the film, send 10 more producer emails, and remember that I set a goal of 10.
And…I get a solid B+. I sent over 10 emails (and remembered that was the goal), but I did not fully complete the teaser film. (Insert ambivalent trombone noise here. Not fully sad trombone, but AMBIVALENT.)
The teaser film is very, very close to complete. It’s picture-locked, all sound effects are in, and I’m only pausing in my work on the score to write this blog. The teaser is 96% complete.
On one hand, I’m very vexed with myself because I just couldn’t get it across the finish line by my own self-imposed goal of today. I’m also vexed because other time-sensitive producing work is piled up behind it.
But on the other hand, I’m very understanding with myself. It’s been an extremely busy week and I’ve spent every second I can scrape together working on the short. But it’s a lot of work and things like building sound effects and a score from scratch are sensitive, time-consuming, creative tasks. I did not slack off or run from the project because of fear or analysis-paralysis. I just didn’t have enough time. The only way I would have completed it is pulling an all-nighter and I decided that wasn’t healthy.
So, again, I completely forgive myself.
And I am also vexed with myself.
There are two wolves inside me. One is very understanding and the other is just a big lupine a-hole.
I know which wolf I want to win this week.
ADVENTURES OF THE WEEK--
I had three main adventures this week: Working on the feature film, stressing about the feature film, and coping with the stress by spending time with humans I like.
I was searching for a way to describe to friends how I was feeling about the film work and I realized the closest approximation was like falling in love. I’m ecstatic, thrilled, energized, alive, happier than I’ve ever been, but also I can’t sleep well, I’m afraid I said something stupid on our second date, and what if the film stops returning my texts?
So clearly the adventure I needed to focus on this week was coping. I’m a firm believer that eliminating difficult emotions isn’t the goal. I have a lot better luck acknowledging them, accepting them, and trying to make sure they don’t control my behavior.
In that pursuit, I enjoyed multiple fun and social adventures this week—even though I was constantly tempted to keep myself shackled to the computer.
I had dinner at the storied Burbank supper club, Smokehouse, with an old friend and talked Universal Monster movies over a a big dish of Steak Sinatra. I attended my friend the great musician/writer/comedy performer Mollylele’s concert. And got to see many other friends at the show, as well!
I also got to visit my old friend, Doctor Who. A Time Lord that now lives on my TV in the same place as Star Wars, Marvel, and The Muppets. At this point, 14 year old me is very sick of older-me traveling back in time to tell him, “Hey! You’re not going to believe this, but…”
I’m not going to write a big review of the new episodes of Doctor Who here. There were parts I enjoyed very much, there were parts that aren’t for me (and that’s fine—the show evolves and what doesn’t work for me might be someone else’s favorite part) but what I was left with at the end of the two episode premiere was just being thrilled about the new incarnation of The Doctor.
The 15th Doctor was bombastic, compassionate, eager to enjoy life, but with a healthy dose of fear and anxiety. It left me wondering, “Does The Doctor also have a film he’s working on?”
Anyway, to me, the power of fiction (and particularly genre fiction) is being able to see extremely heightened versions of our challenges in fictional characters. And I felt emotionally seen by the 15th Doctor.
Finally, I had some great news this week as a friend agreed to come onboard as a co-producer for the film as we try to make it all come together.
Writing it all out, I guess the understanding wolf had some wins this week. Take that, a-hole wolf.
MY GOAL FOR THE WEEK--
Oh boy, my goal for this week is PULSING with excitement. It’s THE reason people go into creative fields. My goal this week is to craft the first draft of a boring and stressful legal document for the film! (Can’t wait to crush this one!)
YOUR GOAL FOR THE WEEK--
I would absolutely LOVE to hear what you're working on this week in the comments below. What's your goal? Is it creative? What are the challenges? What are the joys? How are your wolves treating you? How can I help you finish your monsters?
LIGHT PLUGS--
A huge JOY for me on our short film, The Nightmare Adorable—it will be screening in the UK! Screening in July at the B Beside the Seaside Film Fest!
Here's the poster for the latest short film! Submissions to film festivals add up extremely quickly. They average is about $25 per festival and the more I submit to, the better odds at getting exposure for the film. All proceeds from sales of my comedy albums on Bandcamp go to film submissions!
A LITTLE SKETCH--
This week's sketch was very fun! An unflinching portrait of my wolves to help remind myself which one to listen to. Good luck with your week’s adventures and see you in the future time of NEXT TUESDAY.
