FILMED ON LOCATION IN MY PAST
This is Finish Your Monsters, a weekly blogletter about the creative process. I'm sharing adventures in art and life as well as setting CLIFFHANGER goals for myself, so--
DID I MAKE MY GOAL?
The blog’s been on hiatus since Halloween as I traveled to Minnesota to film our horror movie, DEAD MEDIA, but in the final blog post before my trip, I committed to this general goal while filming: try to stave off fear by leaning into the fun and joy of making art!
I normally try to make concrete goals with a clear yes or no answer. For this one, I’ll give myself a 78% out of 100% success rate.
I was definitely scared during the intense final weeks of pre-production and during the 2 ½ week filming process. But the fear didn’t manifest in any traditional way. It was masked by constant adrenaline. For several weeks, I felt like I was summoning a burst of superhuman strength to lift a car off a loved one. But the loved one was the film and all the people I didn’t want to let down (cast, crew, investors, family, etc) and the superhuman strength was sleeping 3 to 4 hours a night then working for about 20 hours straight.
So I wasn’t really scared. But I was very concerned. I think it’s important to recognize the difference between FEAR, which can be irrational and future-focused (“What if I’m not good enough? What if I make a mistake and everyone hates me forever?”) and CONCERN, which is practical and in-the-moment (“We are actually, verifiably, running two hours late on our shooting schedule. We only have two of that prop and one just broke. That actor wraps today and gets on a flight tomorrow so we have to finish their scenes no matter what.”)
Most of my energy was spent balancing practical concerns with artistic needs. Things like “we only have time for three more shots in this scene but I absolutely need this one at a strange angle with complex lighting demands or the scene won’t feel right so which of the other two shots can I skip?”
I guess by focusing on rational concern over irrational fear, I did mostly achieve my goal.
And there was a great amount of fun, too. The camaraderie with the cast and crew--a new definition of the word aioli, jokes about Three Musketeers candy bars tasting like sad clouds, dubious Werner Herzog impressions, the plans for the sequel filmed in a warmer location, Dead Media 2: Barbados.)
There was great fun generated by the performances—it’s a horror movie but there’s definitely comedy in the script—so there were many delightful moments of enjoying great nuanced hilarious performances.
But some of the greatest moments of fun were just being smacked in the face with the surreal. There were several specific shots that turned out exactly as I imagined them. Images that popped into my head when I wrote the first draft of the film in October 2023 that were now suddenly, magically, there on my director’s monitor in December 2024. It is a strange, rewarding, and very FUN experience to literally see a dream come true. And worth every moment of fighting both fear and concern. I’m very lucky. 78 out of 100.
ADVENTURES OF THE LAST SEVEN WEEKS--
I had many adventures in the last seven weeks, but I’d like to keep this blog under a billion words so I want to focus on one particular impact of this filmmaking experience: Healing.
I’m cautious to discuss art as therapy.
Partially because it’s important not to diminish the importance of actual, clinical therapy.
And because I think art is for both the artist and the audience. The art I enjoy most is an artist’s expression of something intimate and true to themselves, but it’s created in the hopes of sharing that experience with other humans (aka an audience.) So even in the most personal art, it’s important to me that it’s not just about me—it’s about making a connection with others.
That said, I think creating art can help an artist process ideas, feelings, frustrations, and traumas.
When I wrote the script for Dead Media, I knew I was processing some things—the danger of nostalgia, putting my own youth in perspective, my own frustrations with some bad life choices I’ve made, etc.
But on a brutally practical level, I was also trying to write a relatively inexpensive movie. I came up with a plot that could take place at only two locations: A theater and a house.
The geography of the house was vital to the plot so I just wrote it picturing my Dad’s house in North Minneapolis and figured I’ll rewrite this when I rent the actual house we’re going to film in.
Then, on a visit to Minneapolis in April, while eating hot dogs in carb-conscious wraps my Dad casually said, “Hey, would it help the movie’s budget if you filmed here?”
Yes. Yes. Yes.
Fast forward several months and my Dad’s house is packed with 25 cast and crew members. The kitchen is so stuffed with equipment and people, the First AC sits in the sink while they pull focus. The craft services table is the washing machine in the laundry room. The bedroom I’m actually sleeping in every night is also the production office and quickly redressed to be the main character’s bedroom for several key scenes.
I keep telling people it’s my childhood home, but the truth is a bit more complicated than that. My family moved around a lot so I have about 13 childhood homes. We moved into this house in North Minneapolis in 1987 when I was 13. My first memory of the house is setting up a small portable black and white TV on the buffet so we didn’t miss a Season One episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation.
This was the house I lived in through my teens and very early 20s. Where I went to junior high, high school, and college. Where I learned to play the drums, got my first car, wrote my first play, got my first pan n’ scan VHS copies of the original Star Wars trilogy. All the milestones of life.
But without disappearing into details, there were also some very difficult and dark times lived through in that house. After I moved out, I didn’t always want to return to the house because when I opened the door all the ghosts popped up to say “HI!” There were times I encouraged my Dad to just sell the damn thing and move on.
I could not be happier that he didn’t listen to me.
Yes, filming in my childhood home was a financial boon for the film. But even more than that it was an emotional gift. As I prepped for the film, I focused on the positive memories. Playing with my beloved Chihuahua, Nico. Seeing Twin Peaks for the first time. Starting my theater career. Coming over to tell my parents that Sara and I were engaged. I thought about how shocked and delighted young me would be that middle-aged me was making a movie in this house.
And by the time filming wrapped, the house was transformed. It isn’t just my childhood/teenage/young adult home now. It isn’t just the house my Dad lives in. It’s full of new memories—happy ghosts—of phenomenal actors giving amazing performances. Of cast and crew huddled over radiator vents eating soup after shooting a scene on the front step when it was 7 degrees outside. Of my nieces visiting the set while we filmed undead monsters creeping through the living room. Of my Dad and I sitting at a kitchen table having a frozen pizza and beer for Thanksgiving Dinner because there’s too much gear in the kitchen to cook anything else.
The house will always be a mix of memories. But now it will always be the house where I wrapped filming on my first movie. It’s a house where I have agency, joy, hope, and fond memories of frozen pizza past, present, and future.
LIGHT PLUGS—
Making a film is a long campaign. We’ve completed the massive battles of pre-production and production. Next up on the battlefield are post-production and marketing.
So I’m gearing up for the next round of fundraising!
We’ve got a fiscal sponsorship with the great Minnesota organization Film North. They can accept one-time donations that will go directly toward finishing the film! It’s like a Kickstarter where the rewards are A) a tax deduction and B) helping us make the film.
For full info, please check out the page for the upcoming horror film, DEAD MEDIA!
Or if you have any questions about supporting the film, feel free to reach out to me personally!
MY GOAL FOR THE WEEK--
I’m just about back into my normal routine. So I’m tempted to make my goal “sleep 8 hours a night” for five more days. But I want to get moving on the next step of the adventure. So my goal for next week is to edit the first scene of the film. Wish me luck!
YOUR GOAL FOR THE WEEK--
I would absolutely LOVE to hear what you're working on this week in the comments below. What's your goal? Does it involve frozen pizzas? How can I help you literally finish your monsters?
A LITTLE SKETCH--
This week’s sketch makes it clear that I’ve got Sesame Street on the brain. An idea for another film: THE SLATE HAS EYES. If anyone decides to make this one, please give me some royalties. Hope everyone gets some relaxing time during the festive holiday season/s and finishes a monster or two. Thanks again!
