Fear And Fun Walk Into A Bar
This is Finish Your Monsters, a weekly blog/newsletter/blogletter about the creative process. I'm sharing adventures in art and life as well as setting CLIFFHANGER goals for myself, so--
DID I MAKE MY GOAL?
Last week, I committed to completing rough drafts of my stand-up sets for the big birthday show.
And I mostly did it! I about 74% did it. I’ve got two sets in the show: a short intro and a longer 15 minute set of new material.
I finished the rough draft of the intro set and I finished about half of the main set. The other half is outlined so I know the general shape, topics, several jokes, end beats, etc.
I’m frustrated with myself that I didn’t 100% reach the goal of a complete rough draft, but I think I learned some good lessons along the way in a challenging week. Correction: I re-re-re-re-re-re-learned some writing/creativity lessons that are just difficult truths. More on that below!
My other big adventure this week was getting my first tattoo. I’ve wanted a tattoo since I was 18 years old. Once, my brother and I took audience suggestions about what tattoos we should get live during a comedy show, then it fell through. Then for years I kept changing my mind about what image I wanted. I kept running out of time or money and putting it off. But for my big birthday year, I listed “getting that damn tattoo before my birthday” as one of my goals for the year. And yesterday, I 100% did that one.
I celebrated with a very good dive bar martini. Shout out to Ye Rustic Inn, where I enjoyed a damn fine basket of mozzarella sticks and overhearing multiple conversations from frustrated writers about the state of the streaming industry.
ADVENTURES OF THE WEEK--
It was a busy week juggling fundraising for the feature film I’m still trying to get in front of cameras this fall, life catch-up after the Norway trip, and promoting the big birthday show. (I’d love a good turnout for this show, so if you’re interested in seeing it live or watching the livestream, tickets for both are available now!)
Also, I’m running late on the blog today because I got caught up in the joy and excitement of Kamala Harris picking Tim Walz of Minnesota for her running mate! (Thrilled to vote for two great communicators with policies I believe in who just happen to hail from my two home states!)
But by far my biggest adventure this week was working on the stand-up sets.
And here’s what I re-learned for the millionth time: Creative work is often a battle between fear and fun.
Performing stand-up comedy can and should be FUN. But when I sit down alone and stressed in front of a blank Microsoft Word document as my heartbeat merges with the ticking of an analog clock in my stifling hot apartment, FUN gets pushed out of the way by its asshole sibling, FEAR.
Here are the various fear sources. I’m worried about writing the rough drafts fast enough that I’ll have time to polish and memorize them. I’m worried that I’ll make the wrong choice about what topics to focus on for the show. I’m worried that I’m taking vital time away from other projects. I’m worried that I won’t complete these first draft monsters in time for my blog called “finish your monsters” and the irony police will bonk me on the head and imprison me on Hypocrite Island.
These are all legitimate, rational concerns. But they coil up in my gut and become irrational fear. The best way to address those rational concerns is to get the rough drafts done and give myself time to polish. But the irrational fear crawls up from my gut to my fingers and says “why even type?” The fear fights to make the thing you’re afraid of—running out of time—actually happen.
And these are all things I know. All things I’ve experienced before. But they’re hard to defeat with logic.
The way I largely made it past the fear this week is by fighting back with FUN. I forced myself to gather some notes and just speed write a few bits. I did not enjoy doing it!
But then I took a shower and I ran through the bits I had written, editing and simplifying them. My wife Sara and I went out to dinner and I ran a few ideas by her. Once again, boiling the ideas down to their essence.
Suddenly, the idea of the jokes was clear. The WHY of sharing them with an audience. The beast in my gut now WANTED the thrill of saying these things in front of an audience. Particularly with stand-up, speaking the words aloud is like a magic spell that shoots a corpse full of lightning and shocks it back to roaring, stumbling life.
Like so many things in life, you have to push past the fear to get to the fun. You have to go into the dark scary woods to find the gold. And the more often you do it, the easier it is to go racing into the dark trees. It’s just been a bit too long since I’ve performed so the sense memory of the fun has faded a bit.
But it’s back now and I’m very excited for this show. I can’t wait to say these comedy words for a live audience of in-person and internet friends. Go to hell, Hypocrite Island!
MY GOAL FOR THE WEEK--
I’m tempted to say get the blog out on time as it’s been a little late the last two weeks, but I need to stay focused on the show. So this week I’m committing to memorizing my stand-up sets. I’m traveling this week for a wedding, but there should be ample to time to pace around a hotel room saying jokes out loud to myself. Fun!
YOUR GOAL FOR THE WEEK--
I would absolutely LOVE to hear what you're working on this week in the comments below. What's your goal? Do you need to talk out loud to yourselves? How can I help you finish your monsters?
LIGHT PLUGS—
AWOOGA! NOW AVAILABLE FOR LIVESTREAM!
This comedy/variety show celebrating a big birthday is also going to be LIVESTREAMED! It’s called HORROR YEARS OLD and tickets are live here! Friday, August 16th at Lyric-Hyperion or viewable anywhere with an internet connection. I would love a packed house (and friends watching from afar) so if you’re interested, grab the tickets now!
I also wanted to share about Vote Forward—it’s a program where you sign up to write letters to voters. There’s a typed form and you add a personal message about WHY voting matters to you, nothing partisan. The org has done follow up studies and it really works to increase voter turnout. My goal this year is to write 200 letters. I’ve written 40 so far. If you’re interested, you can find out more by visiting Vote Forward!
Our short horror film, THE NIGHTMARE ADORABLE, has now been accepted in 19 film festivals. Screenings coming up in the Houston, Missoula, and more! Details on my website!
A LITTLE SKETCH--
This week’s sketch is another from lounging on the cruise ship sketching with my niece Kayla. A time-traveling Viking tries cruise ship smoked salmon. I hope everyone gets to be a Viking when it comes to their goals this week! Thanks for reading!
