A Good Already Knowing Experience
This is Finish Your Monsters, a weekly blog/newsletter/blogletter about the creative process. I'm sharing adventures in art and life as well as setting CLIFFHANGER goals for myself, so--
--DID I MAKE MY GOAL?
Last week, I committed to making a list of tasks I need to complete for the feature film I'm working on this year. And I completed the list! This is a little like bragging I defeated a baby in a 50 yard dash as it's not that huge of a goal. But I'm proud that I zeroed in on the list and made it a priority in a busy week. It is very easy to be defeated by a baby in a 50 yard dash if you decline to enter the race.
ADVENTURES OF THE WEEK--
Once again, multiple comedians tried to come through the slim doorway at the same time, but I'm very lucky as these are all great comedians.
As I type this, I'm on a lovely little getaway with my wife and mother-in-law to celebrate my wife's birthday. We've enjoyed looking at beautiful sunsets like the one above, several great bookstores, nature walks, two thousand pounds of clam chowder, and trying to keep the wind from whipping our martinis directly out of the glass and into the sea to sate the whims of thirsty mer-folk.
As regular blog readers know, I've also been working on a short film called The Demon's Commentary. It's a six minute short made for an accountability group. You have two months to make a horror film (no shorter than 1 minute, no longer than 6) or you owe the group a hundred bucks. The filmmakers are then invited to a private screening to share what we wrought.
Last night was the screening so I briefly left the ocean behind and headed back into Los Angeles. The screening was exactly what I hoped for--The Demon's Commentary was well received and it was great to see on a screen with an audience. But even better was the sense of community. All the different filmmakers sharing the joy of creating films that ranged from gonzo horror comedy to creepy modern day folk horror. And sharing the frustrations, what they learned, advice on crappy products to avoid on Amazon, etc.
I didn't feel comfortable taking any pictures at the private screening, so here's a toy I almost bought that captures the mood of the screening and our beach vacation.
The screening was made even more rewarding by the fact that I almost did not get my film in by the deadline.
Here's what happened: A stupid damn learning experience. It was late at night. I was exhausted, hungry, and annoyed with myself. In my hubris, I had pre-taken a photo celebrating submitting the film. I was angry because I did not want a damn learning experience, I wanted an already knowing experience.
I shot the film quick and dirty on my iPhone 12, did all the editing and color correction/grading in Premiere Pro and then discovered there was some challenges to properly exporting the film to a shareable Quicktime file.
After I took some deep breaths and even deeper googling to find decent YouTube tutorial videos, I figured out the problem.
This keeps happening to me as I work more on film stuff. I think there are things I do not want to know, do not want to learn. I don't have time, it's not necessarily in my skillset, I wish I had money to pay someone else to do this part of the job, I am a fool animated by hubris and a weak wi-fi signal stumbling toward shame, etc.
Then once I figure out the problem, I feel fantastic. Like I defeated 1000 babies in a full-on Decathalon. I'm thrilled to know more, I want to know more. This short film was made way easier and better by all the technical stuff I learned editing my last film, not to mention writing the score on my wife's keyboard and an old pair of bongos.
So why do I keep resisting learning? I think part of it is the time crunch. The fear that these things are learnable but not in the time frame I have and all the plates I'm spinning will shatter around me.
But I also feel affected by an anti-learning vibe in our culture. That you shouldn't try to learn too much. Stay in your lane. That admitting you don't know something is opening the door to an absolute flood of judgment, condescension, and TikTok videos where angry dudes in cars yell, "Can you believe this guy claims to be a filmmaker but was having a problem with his input LUT???"
This is definitely my baggage from previous negative life experiences. It's an ongoing challenge to ignore that shame specter lurking behind me ready to make an angry car video and just remember--every learning experience becomes a new opportunity for an already knowing experience.
MY GOAL FOR THE WEEK--
This week I'm going to acknowledge my multiple comedians trying to come through the doorway and make TWO small but realistic goals. I'm going to send a minimum of 5 scary emails for the feature film AND make some tweaks to The Demon's Commentary so I can possibly submit it to film festivals. Another week of dancing with my old pal, hubris!
YOUR GOAL FOR THE WEEK--
What's your goal? Is it creative? Do you need to tidy? Write a poem? Fix an input LUT? Feel free to reach out to me on social media or respond directly to the email version of the blog and let me know what projects you’re working on this week!
LIGHT PLUGS--
THE NARRATOR! All members of my Patreon now have exclusive months-early access to my experimental comedy film--THE NARRATOR starring the great Phil LaMarr. If you're interested, you can check out the Patreon here. Thanks for the kind words from those who've watched it!
You can also check out Strange Path t-shirts and wall art on Threadless. And, of course, multiple comedy albums and cosmic horror on Bandcamp. Thank you for the kind support!
A LITTLE SKETCH--
This week's sketch is ripped from the pages of REALITY. The wind turns my coffee into a tempest, offering the brew to the birds and the sun. I will gladly share. Thanks and see you in the far-off future land of NEXT TUESDAY!
