Cinema Studies with Raffi
Today is the second day of our eighth week of sheltering in place. During this time, Raffi and I have developed a ritual of watching a movie or part of a movie together after dinner, while his dad does his brother’s bedtime. I threaten to take away the movie at least twenty or thirty times a day. I almost never take it away because I need the movie just as much, or more, than Raffi does. It’s not the greatest habit and I’m not actually advocating anyone do this with their almost 5 year old; for one thing, it’s almost impossible to judge what will be “too scary.” After we watched Ghostbusters (2016), which is really not scary unless for some reason you find ghost farts or the waste of Kristen Wiig’s talents terrifying, he said “I’m surprised I’m still alive for breakfast” the next morning. Also it’s just a lot of TV (he also watches TV during his brother’s nap and, on weekends, in the morning before breakfast). But it’s an opportunity to spend time together doing something we both enjoy, as opposed to what we do 99% of the rest of the time (spend time together doing something Raffi enjoys which I do not enjoy, or something neither of us enjoys).
Here are very brief capsule reviews of some of the movies we have watched.
Annie (1982): The best movie ever made, probably? Unless of course you are adopted or know someone who is, in which case it is highly problematic. Her parents are dead! That’s a fun thing to discuss 400 million times. The stuff with Mr. Bundle and Ms. Hannigan is way too sexy, in a way that no kids’ movie would ever dare to be now, and I admire that.
Annie (1999): A travesty with some scintillating highlights. The actress who plays Annie is dead behind the eyes and grew up to be a vet tech, good for her. You’d think Kathy Bates would be better as Ms. Hannigan, but she is unable to rise above the (Disneyfied, made for tv, bowdlerized) material. One bright spot is the Alan Cumming/Kristin Chenoweth Rooster/Lily combo — they do not so much compete with Tim Curry/Bernadette Peters (how could they???) as make the roles their own in a very over the top unhinged way, like they’re in a totally different movie than everyone else is.
Annie (2014): I’m so sorry but everyone involved with this abomination of a movie should be deeply ashamed of themselves, YES even Beyoncé. Raffi loved it.
The Sound of Music: “Mama, why did Rolf want to become a Nazi?” Follow-up: “What is a Nazi?” The thing you forget about this movie is that it’s 4 hours long.
Ghostbusters (2016): Has lots of good sets, like their cool headquarters and a haunted mansion and a creepy hotel. Also I love the way it basically follows the structure of the original. Unfortunately it has that problem that a lot of comedies" have these days, though, which is that it has a lot of funny people in it but none of them are allowed to … actually be funny. Still, if you are looking for a movie you won’t mind watching with your child, you could do a lot worse. I wish they had let this movie be sort of medium-sized and idiosyncratic instead of trying to force blockbusterdom upon it. It’s sad that they are doing another sequel but with dudes, fuck that.
Trolls World Tour: The less said about this movie the better.
Singing in the Rain: Just pure unadulterated serotonin, stick it in my veins please. I wish we could watch this every night except I’m glad Raffi doesn’t want to do that because how terrible would it be to get tired of this movie? We did listen to the soundtrack constantly for about a week, which wasn’t annoying so much as it was discordant, like, we’d be enacting some nightmare scenario ie me pinning Raffi to the couch to prevent him from strangling his wailing brother and in the background it’d be all “Fit as a fiddle! and ready! for love!” Raffi finds Lina Lamont very attractive (though he doesn’t understand how to articulate that) and he loves her silly voice. He loves for me to say “And I ceyhhnt stennim.”
Ant Man: I scrolled on my phone for most of this one to be honest. It had a lot of fighting and was probably too scary. Ant Man and his ex and his ex’s new husband and their kid get along very well, which is nice for them if unrealistic. Then again this movie is about a guy whose superpower is that he shrinks down to the size of an ant via an ant suit. He also enslaves?teams up with? ants to fight a bald bad guy. Side note: so many bad guys in movies are bald that Raffi now assumes bald people are evil, which made Annie initially hard for him to parse.
Those are all the ones I remember at the moment? Friends have also suggested the Swedish Pippi Longstocking movies, Mrs. Doubtfire, Cool Runnings, and Flubber. Basically anything that is diverting for an adult and will not harm Raffi’s labile brain too much, or introduce too many irritating songs or catchphrases. Bonus points if there are any actual lols in it. We need lols very badly right now.