Multiple choice for eventful times
Artful Wobbler
My working definition of cowardice is letting myself or someone else down from fear of consequences to me or people I most care for. We all might want to consider our own definition, it’s already relevant.
Most of us aren’t heroes so let’s just work through some thoughts. Say the consequences I fear are real. Action (or inaction) that doesn’t tear my personal house down while those I disappoint are less harmed than I would be by choosing differently is reasonable. It’ll sting and won’t make me friends but leaves me able to try again. The good thing about being alive is the constant chance to do better. The bad thing is we usually ignore it, acting like we have all the time in the world so undone things remain undone, wounds and relationships unhealed, barricades that could be bridges stay uncrossed.
Anyway. Now say the consequences are imaginary. I let myself or someone else down over fear of what may be (but isn’t). This is less reasonable but human and since we don’t know the future it’s the kind we most often face. This choice is double loss but at least I’m alive, I can do better next time.
Uh oh, it’s next time. Already? How do I prioritize consequences, real or imagined? It’s reasonable not to save someone’s leg from breaking if saving it results in my death or critical injury. I’ll feel a lingering unease for sitting back while someone is hurt but their broken leg is less calamitous than my death. Easy enough? Let’s say instead I’ve been working hard on a project. I’ve put a lot of myself and my time into it. I deeply desire it to work. But for my project to succeed, I have to let a colleague be fired for something they didn’t do. Everyone knows they didn’t do it but speaking up personally would put me in the line of fire, jeopardizing all I’ve worked for. And no one else is saying anything. Would speaking up do any good anyway? Would it save the person or just make them feel less alone? Does it help for both of us to be axed and my project taken down with it?
What if the harm isn’t one person’s job but a whole department. A whole community. A whole demographic set back, losing benefits or insurance or funding that will lead to suffering and lost lives. If I say nothing and my project succeeds will it help me or my family breathe a little easier or be the difference between having or not having shelter or food? Given the other stakes, am I able to convince myself that saying something would do no good, I’m not the bad person here?
What if failure of my project hurts not just me but a handful, maybe dozens, maybe thousands of others. Without its success there will be layoffs, maybe even collapse. Many will suffer. Leave me out of it, what good can one person do anyway, I might think (again with that). But say I know my voice or action will prevent the person from being unfairly fired or the community from unfairly losing vital supports leading to inevitable suffering and death. And that my project will die if I speak up. It’s us or them, one group versus another. What then? Do I tell myself there’s nothing I can do, convince myself that what I’m seeing isn’t happening, or the targeted ones deserve it?
Like it or not, this is the situation we’re in. Things are happening around us shouting our personal cost versus cost to others (that hurting any of us hurts us all is whispered at best).
In uneventful times choices are often one-offs, we live with the consequences, good or bad. In less peaceful times it repeats every single day until we die or the unfair system dies. Think of the cumulative effect. That seed of unease metastasizes. We bear the consequences inside us.
People just trying to quietly live their lives are left with atrocious choices that are nonetheless choices. If enough people decide one person can’t do anything any resulting suffering and death is on us all.
We can at least look at the choices we make. See how we prioritize our needs versus wants versus the needs and wants of others. Consider the consequences of one person can’t do anything versus hundreds, thousands, millions deciding they must do something. Notice which communities choose seeing and which don’t.
If you’re a decent person used to behaving decently, the uneasy seed of letting yourself or others down will burrow in like a new part of you, shadowing all you do and are. In times like this is even survivors emerge wounded. If you’re not, you’ll probably sleep, eat and live fine. The worst people prosper in the worst systems.
You probably feel the seed of unease festering. If you don’t, you might want to wonder why.