The There There Letter: Knowledge, Kindness, and Kindred
Jealous man can't gamble, scared man can't win
(Chester Himes, A Rage in Harlem)
Three things from DAH. The There There: Where the heart is.
DAH is me, David Anthony Hance.
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First up this week: Knowledge …
Possibly apocryphal English family self-knowledge.
Dad was the first in his working-class family to earn a college degree. His father left school for work in his early-teens. Grandad judged reading fiction a waste of time, and self-educated by reading only nonfiction. Granny was from a sturdy, earthy, farming family in Cheddar Gorge. Granny was puzzled that my Dad (Ph.D. Zoology) never took a proper job as a zookeeper. My Dad thought reading the Encyclopedia Brittanica in its entirety to be a worthy endeavor. He loved sport, and music.
Mum's family were clergy, educators, and proud members of the conservative establishment. Grandma was a musician, as was Grandpa (her second husband, a singer and music teacher). Grandma did the London Times crossword daily in the bath. Mum was a science teacher and a lifelong tryer-of-new-things. She read fiction, and lit that fire in me. She didn't think herself the least bit musical.
Mum and Dad loved learning and the earning of knowledge.
I like knowing things, even when I'm not certain I actually "know" them. I do know that knowledge matters because Dad and Mum showed me that it does.
Second up this week, Kindness …
I don't like to judge, but I will judge harshly those I believe to be unkind. Liars I dislike, too. But being kind seems my highest personal value and standard. When I'm frustrated or irritable I need to take a breather. I need to remember to be kind to myself, as well as to others. There are many I've known, or known of, who behave as if being kind signals weakness, and, therefore, is unworthy of respect. How very, very sad.
The best life strategy? Be loving, be kind, be intentional, and be authentically you — not the shadow version of self masquerading and parading as you. The version with all the flaws, the baggage, and the love; that you that exists in spite of whatever the world may throw at you. (Joél Leon)
Third up this week, Kindred …
I'm prompted by an April 22 article in the New York Times. Addressing research into the importance of loose social ties, it begins: "They May Be Just Acquaintances. They’re Important to You Anyway. The people at the dog park, the bank teller, the regular waiter — these casual relationships may be 'weak ties,' but they're also a key to well-being."
I've always noticed kindred spirits in my circle of relationships and sort-of relationships. The people I don't really know, and often can't name, but they attend the same events and shop at the same places and seem to know my friends. For years I'd think of these as members of my tribe, but I feel uncomfortable with that label. It's not a word from my cultural background. So, I'm rebranding them all as "members of my extended family of kindred spirits." Extended Family Of Kindred Spirits: my EFOKS. What a terrible sounding label! Perhaps if I phoneticized it? Efox? No.
Merriam-Webster offers up the Middle English word root kin for both kind and kindred. I read somewhere long ago (random, possibly false memory) that when we feel attraction, the close click of a kindred spirit, it's likely that we are, indeed, kin … somehow related albeit distantly.
Per that famous philosopher Liv Tyler: "When you meet kin, there is an energy and sparkle between your bodies. It must be chemical somehow - DNA and genes."
A classic crime novella ...
Cotton Comes to Harlem, by Chester Himes
I picked up a copy recently because I'm fascinated by the novella format (longer than a short story, shorter than a novel). It ticked other boxes for me: humor, snappy dialogue, Raymond Chandler styling. A blog post by Robert Rose explains that last:
Chandler’s Law is a trope that references pulp fiction writer Raymond Chandler’s advice: "When in doubt, have a man come through the door with a gun in his hand." The rule suggests that you introduce something extraordinary that creates instant drama, comedy, or a way out of a tricky writing situation. Comedy troupe Monty Python suggested a related approach. If a scene is going on too long, their version goes, drop a cow on someone.
Good plan. Also, this 1965 tale is an action-packed quick read. The language gets salty and sounds dated, but the story really moves.
And a bit more:
"Thirsting"
by Alicia Ostriker
It's not that the old are wise
But that we thirst for the wisdom
we had at twenty
when we understood everything
when our brains bubbled
with tingling insights
percolating up from
our brilliant genitals
when our music rang like a global siege
shooting down all the lies in the world
oh then we knew the truth
then we sparkled like mica in granite
and now we stand on the shore
of an ocean that rises and rises
but is too salt to drink
And that's all for this week.
From Mary Oliver's "Sometimes"
And a bit more:
"Thirsting"
by Alicia Ostriker
It's not that the old are wise
But that we thirst for the wisdom
we had at twenty
when we understood everything
when our brains bubbled
with tingling insights
percolating up from
our brilliant genitals
when our music rang like a global siege
shooting down all the lies in the world
oh then we knew the truth
then we sparkled like mica in granite
and now we stand on the shore
of an ocean that rises and rises
but is too salt to drink
And that's all for this week.
From Mary Oliver's "Sometimes"
Instructions for living a life:
Pay attention.
Be astonished.
Tell about it.
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