The Funk
A lot of people who have never experienced depression mischaracterize it as a sadness for no reason. Perhaps that is the left over definition from the dregs of Freud’s heyday. When we didn’t have as many words - or perhaps we had more words, who really knows - on how to describe a condition in which joy is hard to access. For me, depression feels like numbness. Like a hazy, foggy day where the sun never breaks through the clouds. I’ve likened the sensation to running on the beach, where the sand bogs you down, or trying to walk quickly through water that is up to your chest. The sheer amount of energy to get up and move, to feed oneself, to clock in to work, to make it somewhere on time, is as if one is mustering the courage to face a dragon, or to do a task that requires all of one’s faculties and might.
For those of us who have waded through the funk and had a taste of making it to the other side, we know that the funk is there, lurking and in wait ready to pull us back down if we don’t stay vigilant. Perhaps I shouldn’t be saying we here, but maybe you might be able to relate? I find the malaise is often ready to take me down if I let my guard down. Sometimes I don’t even know my guard is down and all of sudden weeks go by and I realize, oh no, I’ve been in the slump. It’s usually after I have a laughing session with a friend, or Vaimo, when I feel in my body the rush of chemicals that help clear the haze just enough to remind me that the funk is not a permanent state.
I know in my last writings I shared with you some structures and systems that I have in place to keep me moving and living but what I didn’t share was some of the underlying reason why it’s so important for me to have these systems and structures in place. I’m barely holding it together in any given moment, even as probably from the outside looking in, it appears as if I’m thriving. This is not to say I’m not thriving in different meanings of the statement, but rather, to pull the curtain back for you a little bit. I will take this moment to give KCF their due, the fact is, I do what I do in spite of, or despite the funk trying to take me down.
I am not a musicologist or a scholar of music, though music certainly can cut through my funk. Today, I’m intrigued by the word funk and it’s many meanings, as well as the genre of music. Funk can be used in various ways and according to the online Merriam-Webster online resource it goes back centuries in use. Funk the musical genre emerges from a particular place and time— Black US-American musical creative traditions in the 1960s-70s. Oh, how I would love to be a student taking a college-level class on this topic! Imagine the interdisciplinary connections one could make between that era musically and politically and our current reality. Imagine the travel one could take tracing how funk has shifted, grown, and inspired. It is not lost on me that the repetitive beats and danceable grooves of the musical genre might also serve as valuable entry point to describe the psycho-somatic realities of the funk.
I’m sure a savvier scholar would go into it here for you, and would make the case and draw all the arrows to carry you along with them, but this isn’t a scholarly excavation of funk.* This is, rather, an in-real-time attempt for me to reframe my funk. To lean into the stank. Just kidding, I am not going to bring that metaphor in too… don’t fret. As I was looking through the wikipedia entry on funk and the citations linked (where I suggest you spend some time) I am struck by how my emotional funk lifted at the possibility of tracing the evolution of musical funk in this attentive way. The clouds broke a bit and the sun broke through. The turning point when excitement really picked up for me was when I reached the section “Social Impact - Women and Funk that highlights Janelle Monáe’s work. The Art of KCF bookclub will be launching soon and our first read will be The Memory Librarian which is their first book. I was trying to think about how to organize conversations and reading and my unique skillset as Dr. KCF and this is one entry point. While the fog hangs over me, I am confident this will help push some clouds away. I have a list of several books I’d like to read communally and I was having difficulty deciding where to begin. My Ko-Fi members will have first access to all the perks involved, so sign up today and don’t miss out on how this rolls out.
If, like me, you find yourself dragged into malaise every time you open your phone and are met with chaos and confusion, which follows with the sensations and feelings of grief, anxiety, and worry I see you. I know that me saying I know the funk likely doesn’t offer much for you to wade out of your funky seas, but perhaps it can offer a glimpse of a reminder that there are breaks in the clouds. I’m recognizing my breaks in the clouds require a very heavy lift. Like when I flew to San Diego with Vaimo to see Green Day perform last year on a bit of a whim. It took a lot for me to get there, mentally, physically, financially (lol) but when I was at Petco Stadium, having enjoyed some delicious game day concessions, and a trusty marg, awaiting the show, I felt alive like I hadn’t in a long time. I know that it’s impossible to have these peak experiences daily, so I aim for smaller moments when I can. The gratitude of a delicious coffee hitting my tongue. The actual sun shining and warming my skin even when it’s sub-zero temps outside. The feel of putting on jewelry that has taken a lifetime to come into my collection. A new set of nails. Seeing the light hit the trees in a certain way. These don’t have to be yours, but I encourage you to find some. The powers that be want us in the funk, and I know my funk is impacted (cultivated, encouraged) by the institutional structures that govern our lives, but I don’t want to live in the depression funk. I aim to be in the musical funk.
If you’ve read this far (thank you and apologies to my listeners for the pause of the podcast) and are wondering, what does any of this have to do with painting? I have the connection. “Funk samples and breakbeats have been used extensively in hip hop and electronic dance music” and electric dance music fuels Studio Utopia. I love getting into a monotonous groove in my studio practice and without funk we would not have electronica which means we wouldn’t have house music which is my all time go-to in the studio. The creativity coming into my paintings is often a direct result of what I’m listening to and while House isn’t the only genre that makes it into the rotation (I’m also into folk, pop, club remixes, mariachi, corridos, classical, punk, 90s alternative, classic rock, classic women of country, indie, musicals, favorite film soundtracks…) when people ask me what I like to listen to it’s hard to describe my eclectic taste… but I don’t think that makes me unique, just a product of our current times. We all have so much access to music through different channels, it can become kind of overwhelming if you think about it too long. This is all to say, I’m in the funk and I’m not in the funk…multiple truths can be held at the same time and I’m grateful for the ways that music can help pull me out of and into the funk simultaneously.
May you know when it’s time to ask for help getting out of the depression funk and make space to get into the music funk groove when the time is right.
*Looking for the scholarly excavation? According to Wikipedia, “Recent scholarship in black studies has taken the term funk in its many iterations to consider the range of black movement and culture. In particular, L.H. Stallings's Funk the Erotic: Transaesthetics and Black Sexual Cultures explores these multiple meanings of funk as a way to theorize sexuality, culture, and western hegemony within the many locations of funk: ‘street parties, drama/theater, strippers and strip clubs, pornography, and self-published fiction.’" Read it while you can!
From the Archive:
Four years ago January 30, 2021 Halloween Lady Beetles
Three years ago January 30, 2022 Birthing Art
Two years ago January 31, 2023 No More Alarms
One year ago February 1, 2024 Painting is Life
What I’m Reading
So many things! I am no longer tracking my books on Goodreads - really trying to limit my Amazon usage and would rather support book tracking with an eye toward community. That is why you can join me on The Story Graph. Friend me there! You can see what I’m reading and see my reviews of books I particularly enjoy. I have an 86 book goal for 2025 after realizing I need to pare back a bit after not hitting my ambitious 2024 goal and feeling overwhelmed instead of joyful for my reading goals. While books are totally my number one loves, I’m finding my reading needs to be a bit differently tailored in these times. So, I’ve become a print subscriber of my local reputable newspaper (hi Pelican Press!) and am living for Ali Liebegott’s new Substack - Dad Bod. Also, I’m a subscriber to Better Homes & Dykes zine and truly, when the quarterly issue arrives it brings me out of the funk.
Creative Ritual
My painting pilgrimage has begun and I just completed day 14 of painting for one hour minimum daily. I was able to complete a couple of small paintings and make some marks on a larger work I started years ago. This is the only way forward for me. I’ll continue until Vaimo’s birthday so I’m on the final stretch. Phew. I’ve also continued the fabric organizing process in the sewing corner, it’s not all done yet but progress is progress and I’m calling it a win. I also hung my last student loan banner! And am working on a zine/publication of that work. Onward!
Places you can see my work:
What is Home at the LRAC Gallery Jan 13 - Mar 13
Whimsy & Wonder at the Kaddatz Galleries Jan 21 - Mar 1
View Sanctuary, the painting I made while on residency at the Fergus Falls Public Library through March 15
Questions to ponder
How do you get out of the funk?
How do you get down with funk?
What is your favorite genre of music and why?
How are you making time for independent writers in your reading schedule?
Thanks for journeying with me. I hope, as always, that you take what you need and leave the rest for someone else, or for another time.
-KCF