In the Red
In the Red
I began amassing student loan debt in the fall of 2005 as a graduate student pursing a Ph.D. in Feminist Studies from the University of Minnesota. Since graduating in 2010 with my degree I’ve had a tumultuous relationship with my student loan debt. Over ten years now beyond my graduation I continue to carry the burden of this so called “good debt.” When the student debt relief pause ended in October of 2023 I no longer desired to carry this burden alone. In addition to taking to social media and bemoaning the status of my loan with my nearest and dearest, I thought, I'm an artist, why don't I make something? So I did! In October I started thinking about what kind of material object could I turn to in order to help process my complex feelings about my debt. I honed in on a banner as the starting point for a deep dive into research and action related to mine and others’ student loan debt. As I’ve written in my artist statement for this project, “This work serves as a means to materialize the complex feelings related to the burden of student loan debt in the current socio-political context of the delegitimizing of higher education.”
The banner has been my entry point into making a visible representation of a debt that mainly exists in the “invisible” digital realm. I decided to turn to a double sided flag bunting because of the possibility for a stitched and embroidered message to be applied on one side and a painted sum of my ongoing debt on the other. I’m struck by the contrast of how flag bunting is often used for festive parties or as a form of celebratory announcement. I’ve joked with friends that this is the saddest party, one that should be accompanied by a sad trombone sound effect for each new party guest also saddled with student loan debt for decades. I also like the banner as a political message carrier. I’ve always loved the way that words and image come together to deliver a message. And at a recent stitch-in hosted by my friends at Springboard for the Arts, I talked about the subtittle of this project “a student loan debt mixed-media meditation”- and how as I stitch each letter for the phrase on one side of the banner I am meditating - trying to enter a calm zone to make sense of the thousands of dollars I’ve paid and the thousands of dollars I continue to owe. The meditative act of stitching feels hopeful and promising, as if these movements of thread pulling through fabric can somehow absolve me of my sins…I mean debts.
Drawn from my stash of collected thrifted, gifted, and recycled fabrics, threads and other fibers I am committed to not purchasing any new materials for the construction of these banners. Using what I already have is a cost-saving necessity, as I’ve had to somehow find roughly $555 per month in my budget to make my student loan payments. The repurposing of materials deeply also reflects my ecological and Chicanx aesthetic values as a committed rasquache lover. This makes me wonder if anyone has written about the queer values of rasquachismo. Hmmmm, ok, I’m adding that to the scholarly list of research realms to continue following for this project. Looks like I’m going to have to email my Primita to pull some articles for me.
Anyways, I’m five months in on this project of making banners, quickly approaching the half way mark of an intended 12 total. I’m happy to share that Springboard for the Arts has been hosting my durational installation at their Fergus Falls offices since late 2023. Every month I make an appointment and Dom, the amazing Rural Program Manager, climbs up a step stool using their height to install my crafted banners hanging from the ceiling. With each handmade banner I add to the installation, the visual accumulation mirrors the accrual of interest on loans. This visual overwhelm and mash-up serves as a reminder of the crushing emotional weight of making a monthly payment as a freelance artist with a varying monthly income. I see this as demonstrated by the growth of visual noise contrasting with the small incremental decrease of the total debt owed that’s painted as a ledger tracker on the other side of the banner.
Each banner has a corresponding short footnote essay (currently hosted on my website) that delves into the phrase on one side of the banner. So far I’ve highlighted the following phrases/terminology Direct Sub, Good Debt, Crony Cap, Public Good, and Land Grant - I’m thinking about these as footnotes because I don’t need to write an entire dissertation on student loan debt, but in trying to keep my thoughts under 500 words I push myself to think about how to make the connections between the phrases related to the fiscal structure of higher education and my personal debt. I’m trying to personalize major concepts that impact us all, I’m seeking mechanisms to theorize the feminist response to student loan debt from my corner of the $1.6 trillion dollars of student loan debt held by 43.2 million US borrowers (Source). I plan to construct a zine or a glossy book with the footnotes and higher quality photos of the banners at the completion of the project, though with what funds… I guess that will be something for Future KCF to figure out. Minimally, I have been really enjoying getting into the weeds on the policy structure of student loans and the detrimental structures in place for currently funding higher education in our capitalist economy.
By making my debt visible I am personalizing the student loan debt experience (crisis?) as a means to model care and empathy for those who may be carrying debt, and for the benefit of others not currently caught up in this system. I’m really wondering about how student loan debt functions in relation to the public good of higher education. I’ve rarely been one to shy away from a controversial subject, and as I’ve been sharing this project with others I’ve been struck by how many find this discussion of money to be courageous. Debt, but especially that of the student loan variety, is something we’re all touched by. By publicizing my individual debt burden I invite us to think about the collective relationship to student loan debt in hopes of inspiring public policy changes for the elimination of student loan debt for previous, current, and future learners. As with all art I’m finding it difficult to assess the impact of my handcrafted art objects, but at least the conversation is happening in my community. And hey, at least I’m no longer only cursing to myself when I log into Nelnet to make my payments. I no longer feel alone, or ashamed. I’m grateful that some aspect of the meditation is working. Now if only we could absolve these debts somehow! May we all have ledgers in the black one day soon.
What I'm reading
Are you interested in diving into some research and activism related to student loan debt? Here are some (nonexhaustive) resources I’ve been reading and accessing for this project consider this my unannotated bibliography - though of course you can find more thoughts on these resources via my written entries on my website if you’re so inclined!
The Debt Trap: How Student Loans Became a National Catastrophe by Josh Mitchell
Can't Pay, Won't Pay: The Case for Economic Disobedience and Debt Abolition by Debt Collective
Poverty, By America by Matthew Desmond
A Dream Defaulted: The Student Loan Crisis Among Black Borrowers by Jason N. Houle & Fenaba R. Addo
What does Minnesota's Student Loan Debt look like - a report by Minnesota Education Equity Partnership
Artist Offerings
Judithe Hernández is getting her due at the Cheech rather listen to a pod about her work and impact? Check out this episode of Healing with Dr. George: The Power of Chicano/Latinx Art
I've been revisiting these afro-futuristic and speculative figurative paintings of Antonio Scott Nichols often
A big fan of Steven Salaita's work for a long time, I've read and re-read this blog post and just ordered his new book
On my to-be-viewed list - this new documentary produced by Kentucky PBS about renown and late feminist scholar bell hooks
Creative Ritual
As usual I am juggling a lot and simultaneously, upon reflection of the last two weeks, feel as though the studio work is moving forward but not in great strides. In some ways this is to be expected given my teaching duties that begun in fuller force in January and will go through early June. I'm proudest to report that I am moving on a painting I started roughly a year ago and then stalled out on, my plan was to finish it and have it up in an upcoming show but life interrupted that. The "In the Red Project" described in more detail above takes up a lot of time monthly as each banner is nine or ten flags which I spend a considerable amount of time. I've also been doing a lot of behind the scenes work for my Guaranteed Income project that will debut in a BIG way (stay tuned) later this month! I've started on a big fellowship application that hitting the jackpot on could really help fund the creative work. Good vibes welcome.
Questions to ponder
How does debt make you feel?
Where does shame sit in your body?
What strategies do you employ to ask for others' help you carry your burdens?
What private experiences have you recently had that you believe should be known more publicly? What steps can you take to share?
Thanks for journeying with me. I hope, as always, that you take what you need and leave the rest for someone else, or for another time.
-KCF
The Art of KCF Newsletter is a fiscal year 2023 recipient of a Creative Support for Individuals grant from the Minnesota State Arts Board. This activity is made possible by the voters of Minnesota through a grant from the Minnesota State Arts Board, thanks to a legislative appropriation from the arts and cultural heritage fund.