Party Haunted House

Listen to the audio version of this essay here

Halloween was always one of my favorite holidays as a young one because of the candy. I have no qualms about that. It wasn't about wearing a cool costume, though that did bring its pleasures. But for me, it has been, and always will be, about the candy. I know candy, refined sugar in particular, is not the healthiest of things to put into one’s body, and I am definitely someone who can benefit from intaking less versus more of the sweet substance. But these truths don’t stop me from enjoying a handful of Skittles, or M&Ms or a Snickers bar, or Junior Mints, or Resee’s Peanut Butter Cups. I’ve also always loved the ritual of getting candy. In my school-aged years, I remember waking up on Halloween and knowing it would be a good day at school; full of sweetness. And surprises of delight awaited me at neighbors’ front doors in the dark.

Now, I see that there are other pleasures of the night, like the charged energy of the thinning veil between worlds, the coolness of the air of a shifting season as we begin to prepare for a fall and winter of special occasions. The joys of Halloween marked the kick off of more fun to come. Novelties that went beyond going through the motions, Halloween was the ramp up to a season of good food, and sleeping in, and celebrations - Halloween, my birthday, Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year’s Eve felt like the best time of the year. I also grew to enjoy being scared on purpose during the Halloween season. I partook in safe kid-size bites of gently reaching out toward a thrill. Again, not knowing as I do now, that I appreciated the contained adrenaline burst of being afraid, and the completion of that stress cycle when the scary story ended.

And so it is in this context of sorting through my candy haul on the carpet of our living room floor, comparing my stash to my brother’s, and trading him Nerds (ugh) for Milk Duds, that I recall some other fun parts of my beliefs related to Halloween. It’s from this spot on the rug with my legs crossed under me, touching all of my generous sugary delights where I was the glad and grateful recipient of his peanut flavored taffies haphazardly wrapped in black and orange waxy paper. And, where later I would help sort through my hermanitas’ candy hauls and beg them for something out of their stash after taking them out trick-or-treating. I reflect on the mystery of my childhood neighborhood that to this day gives me pause. Now, don’t fear, gentle reader, this is not a frightening tale like a slasher film where the monster lurks behind you as you go about your mundane business of life. No, this is a tale of how young KCF made assumptions based on limited knowledge and continues to question what is true about a house up the hill from their childhood home. So gather your favorite candy and enjoy a trip down memory lane with me.

One Halloween the block was filling up with cars and when I asked Mama, “what are all these cars doing here?” She replied, “the neighbor’s throwing a party, it’s a haunted house thing.” Interesting, I thought to myself. I knew the house she was talking about, up the block, but I didn’t know these neighbors. I guess three houses up the street was beyond my radius of knowledge. And so, my active imagination began wondering about what the haunted house was like inside. I thought, how absolutely fabulous that you can buy a house that’s haunted. I didn’t imagine real ghosts but I imagined that the rooms held secrets. Secret chambers that were only accessible by pulling out the correct fake book from the shelf to open up a door that was in the shape of a bookcase. I supposed that there were ways to change the light fixtures from their typical illumination to creepy, either with flashing lights or different colors. I imagined that the house could be converted into an experience with the flick of some switches, and then instead of a regular house, you had a haunted house!

I don’t think I voiced these thoughts to my Mama, instead I acted like I knew exactly what she meant by “haunted house party.” And every time I walked by that person’s house I thought to myself— when I grow up, I want to have a haunted house like that! And when I would stroll by on my way to the bus stop, I’d try to steal a look inside to see if it was in the haunted house formation. I would think, why couldn’t my parents be cool enough to have a house capable of transforming into a haunted one? Why didn’t we have secret hallways behind the real ones that led to a creepy basement? Why couldn’t we push a button and change the room so that it was no longer a drywall surface but a bricked wall with a flickering candelabra? Can you imagine? A wall that could rotate and change the vibe in an instant?

Sometimes I like to revisit that little Kandace’s childhood wondrous brain, especially since, her vision of the world then was way more fun than the adult reality of homeownership where secret chambers are only crawlspaces for wires and pipes to travel through. I didn’t end up buying a haunted house as an adult, but I did get a weird one. There are things about our house that surprise me, but I have yet to uncover a button that will transform our home into a haunted house party. Though the different colored LED lights I plan to install in the alcove accessible via the pull-down ladder from the main bedroom’s ensuite bathroom comes close. The young version of myself wants to convert that room in the attic into something surprising. As it is, it’s probably the creepiest part of the house already, given I routinely find dead bats up there when getting the Christmas decorations out, or when we put things up into storage. I’m still trying to find ways to build delight, wonder, and thrills into our home five years into living with the space. And I know better than to wish for a haunted house in the country. So universe, please, know that I’m into the Halloween thrills that give a chill but where everything is fine in the end. Think “Casper the Friendly Ghost” instead of “Amityville Horror” please. Mine is the dream of a haunted house party that’s the comedy horror genre film where there’s not much gore, and helpful versus harmful spirits. Anyways, no one ever disproved my theories about that house up the way from ours. And this Halloween as I gorge myself on Milky Ways, and Starbursts, and Almond Joys, and dark chocolate Kit Kats, I’ll be drafting up the plans for my secret chambers and dreaming about what could happen if my childhood notions actually came to fruition. Oh what wonders this world could be. Happy Halloween! Watch out for tunnels behind the wall that you stumble upon when you accidentally fall into the statute perched on some’s desk! You never know what you might find in your imagination or your memories.

What I’m Reading

These Precious Days by Ann Pachett

Prior to reading this book I would not have called myself an Ann Pachett fan, neither did I deride her creative offerings, I didn’t engage her work. A few years ago I did find myself enjoying her novel, The Dutch House via the audio version as I drove from our country home to my prevoius place of employment, so when I saw this collection of essays available at (you guessed it) my local library I thought, “let’s give this a try.” I absolutely adored every minute of this beautiful collection of essays with topics that ranged from reading to writing to running a bookstore to flying, making a life with her husband and her deep love of Nashville. Of course the titular essay was particularly beautiful as she outlines her experience with a surprising and meaningful friendship developing and deepening alongside our understanding of the COVID-19 pandemic. Several essays made me cry, and felt like they hugged my soul. My only regret is that I will never have the experience of reading these essays for the first time, though several have already earned a re-read and I will likely revisit the collection again in my lifetime.

Creative Ritual

I have started three new paintings since we last communicated, which feels great. I undertook a bit of an oral history with my mama to get to the core of some of the content that will be in my next body of work that is currently underway. Expect more writing about my childhood archive which I'm visiting frequently for the works as they emerge (like for the image included in today's story). I feel good to have a plan and a vision and the time to create without any deadlines or external pressures. I am oh so close to finishing my whole cloth quilt top and I am excited to begin the quilting process. I also managed to book a new commission and have been steadily making process on a different commissioned project for a friend. Overall my spirits are high as I have added two more rejections toward my goal of ten for the year. Back to back rejections in the email inbox from the Jerome Foundation were not a confidence builder but, a no here or there is good for the soul. I am off to transport my Roots show to Cottey College tomorrow for an install the following day. The show opens Thursday in Nevada, MO and runs through the first full week of December. You can trust I’ll keep sharing updates about that with you here in future missives, as I have an artist talk scheduled for December as well. As you begin your holiday season shopping please remember I have items in my shop I am happy to gift wrap for you! Order sooner than later so you can get your gifts where they need to be this holiday season. 

Questions to ponder

What sweet delights are calling to you?
What thrills do you need more of in your life?
What thrills do you need less of in your life?
How could a secret chamber come in handy for your dreams today?

Thanks for journeying with me. I hope, as always, that you take what you need and leave the rest for someone else, or for another time. 

-KCF

PS: Special shout out to my seven sustaining supporters, thank you! You can join in on the fun by contributing at any level, you'll be a special part of the inner circle of the Art of KCF which includes an annual free print and other perks. Join the club! Sign up here!