Diary of KCF
In 2021 I requested a five year diary for Christmas and was excited to receive one through the joint efforts of Vaimo and BFF coming together to make it happen. Unfortunately, due to BFF being called in for assistance a bit late in the holiday season, the diary arrived in mid-January the following year. Like so many of the things I wanted so badly in my youth, only to then play with it for a few days and discard it, never to be used again… I struggled to make my daily entry in the diary last year. It goes in starts and fits, which I know because I have been more consistently using the diary this year. Which makes it all the more apparent when I was, and was, not making entries in 2022. Having recognized I was unable to consistently return to the few lines I needed to input as record for my day before falling into my fitful slumber, I decided to shift to making my entry first thing in the morning about the previous day instead. Of all the gifts of entering into my forties, knowing myself well pays off most often. My brain is so much more sharp in the mornings, whereas she is dull and worn by night fall. I’ve always been that way, just now I am way less inclined to push my brain to keep producing past sundown.
I wanted the diary because I was having a difficult time recalling the contours of my daily life. With no reminders of what I was doing, I barely had memories of who I was. Like so many, the pandemic has fundamentally changed my relationship to time. I am no longer interested in simply floating through it, catapulted by busy-ness that all tastes like the same meal you forgot you even ate. I am not trying to get to December of this year only to wonder like in years past, “where did all the time go?” I want to capture some of it, not to own, but to have a record of, a foothold of sorts, something concrete to revisit. Cue… “
and there’s always something there to remind me”… how could I forget you girl? Well, it turns out if I don’t write it down, it basically doesn’t exist to me. Another truism of my life that I am becoming more clear I need to remember… in order to remember.
I am into the power of diary as a form of documentation. I knowing it isn’t a neutral record, but that it becomes a jumping off point that can serve as anchor to the seas of memories we wade through is very magical to me. The daily practice of checking in on how I’m feeling, what I was up to, exciting things I witnessed, people we connected with, happenings and non-happenings, has been illuminating for me to see. Last year in my daily entries I was slogging through time in a way where everything felt the same. Depression, sadness, and winter had me down in the entries I’ve read so far. It’s helpful to see and remember last year at this time, with the help of this tracker, because without it I honestly would not have any clue I was struggling as much as I was with the pressures of painting, creating, and managing the soon to be upcoming solo shows I was deep in the thralls of prepping. In my five year diary each page has room for five entries, so the amount of room you have to write is constraining yet hopeful enough that you can find something to note in that short of space. I’ve been grateful for the room to not write a 1000-word essay about my day - permission granted by the makers of the diary to simply put something there, anything, but not too much, truly no pressure.
In October of last year, I began a class offered by
Heidi Parkes who is a hand stitching quilting artist maven I’d long admired from Instagram. The class offering on Creative Bug was her daily diary quilt pattern, where each day we appliquéd fabric or embroidered threads onto a cloth to prepare a quilt top that documented our days in the form of storytelling. The quilt is small, and I’ve been using it as my lap blanket when I stitch and work on my handiwork at night in my chair positioned right in front of the television. It’s been keeping me warm and I’ve marveled at the way that certain parts of the quilt are messages to myself that mark my time of October 2022. My spine in the form of yo-yos reminds me of the steroid injection and epidural I finally received after nine months of seeking relief from pain. The fabrics I chose to adorn other elements all mean something to me too -- the paint rags I cut down to adorn the top, down to pieces of fabric I’ve been carrying around for close to two decades finding a new use outside of the storage bins in which they’ve been ferried. It turns out, just maybe, fabric can have a similar impact on me as words do in terms of jarring my fuzzy memory into clarity. Who knew there were such fun ways to diary? A stitch a day, a quilt a day, a sentence or two a day, a delight a day, all things I’m doing to try to hold onto my life, to be in the driver seat, instead of just along for the ride.
This newsletter practice has also served as a good diary of sorts. Now that we are in the third year of these twice-monthly missives I can look back at what was happening a year ago, or even two years ago to see what Past KCF was up to. Last year at this time I was loving up my younger self, and interrogating the perfectionism Present KCF continues to try to leave behind. Two years ago to the day, I was theorizing on being a tree hugger out here in the country. What will become of all these posts that go out to the increasing numbers of people I wonder? I suppose, as is the truth of it all, only time will tell. Last year’s newsletter prompted a memory that I later commemorated in a recent painting. It turns out not only is the daily diary important in whatever form it takes for recording, but it can serve as well for my creative impulses. Inspiration, as well.
For now I’ll keep plodding along in my five year diary, in my Passion Planner, my sketch book, and my near nightly practice of working on a small quilt top. This year I have been so good at showing up to make my written entries, as if I’m living for Future KCF who will be looking back on this year’s notes and seeing what the vibe of 2023 was like compared to 2022, 2024 and 2025 if we’re lucky enough to experience those years too. And of course the gift of the diary is that it records not only the big stuff but the mundanities of daily living, the sameness, the ruts, the rituals, and that quotidian experience is so fascinating for me. Because I’m not living the drudgery and stress of February 2022 I have the distance to better make sense of it from here. How neat to look back in wonder from a new vantage point. How thrilling to see the blanks ahead and hope to fill them.
What I’m Reading
In the introduction to this book Dan Piepenbring details his experience of collaborating with Prince for three months leading up to his death as he prepared to co-write this memior/auto/biography of the legend Prince. The story of Prince is told in four parts, and the last three parts are in Prince’s own words and with his frames - photos, archival curation, and annotated documents provide an in-depth look into the artist’s origin story. I found the book to be incredibly moving and a powerful meditation on Prince’s commitment to creativity and artistic freedom. As Lizzo recently dedicated her Record of the Year win to Prince, I am in awe of the timing of this book finding its way into my hands and heart. I’ll never think of the lyric “Paint the perfect picture,” from The Beautiful Ones in the same way again.
Artist Offerings
- This video about an exhibit at the Royal Academy of Art on thinking through Modernism “through the eyes of [White European] women artists?” Scroll down a little to see the vid on the Exhibition Tour
- I’m super intrigued by Kim Hopson's application of knitted materials onto her paintings - is this another sign I should be knitting?
- I so wish I was in NYC to see this exhibition on the current engagement with Amelia Mesa-Bains’ Domesticana framework - Domesticanx
- We should all go rogue like Joan Brown
- I too love chronicling visions of La Virgen de Guadalupe here we learn about documenting her in LA, I'm more about the Midwest sightings given my geography but knowing they're all part of the same shared commitment inspires me!
Creative Ritual
Reminder that my paintings are up and for sale at Calendula Gallery in St. Paul through May 2023 for sure. Sign up for their mailing list for details about events happening in the space, mostly open on weekends and for other special times! Since last Saturday I have been the digital artist in residence for Mineral House Media hosted on Instagram. I'm doing an IG takeover through the 25th of this month so tune in there to see some things that are more works in progress instead of the completed works I tend to only show on my feed. I submitted a fellowship application and a job application so we will see what happens with all of that by mid-March. The good news is my digital residency is pushing me to make new stuff to highlight, so things are in motion, even as it feels like I'm juggling a lot alongside my studio practice.
Questions to ponder
How do you chronicle your days?
In what ways could a diary practice serve you?
What methods appeal to you for diary making?
How could you set yourself up for diary success if you'd like to try?
Thanks for journeying with me. I hope, as always, that you take what you need and leave the rest for someone else, or for another time.
-KCF
PS: In honor of one of my favorite holidays
I have a sale happening in my shop - everything is 15% off through Sunday February 19th so grab something in there that might be calling you! If you're not automatically seeing the discount enter LOVEKCF at checkout. Please help clear out some of the clutter in my studio by scooping up a tiny tequila for your loves or yourself! Other non-alcoholic offerings in the mix too! XO
The Beautiful Ones by Prince