Art of KCF: The Ghosts on Our Shelves
The Ghosts on Our Shelves
A year ago to the day I was frantically trying to meet my Goodreads book challenge goal. In 2019 I had set a goal of 52 books for the year, essentially attempting one book per week. It was a continuation of the same number I had set and met the previous year while going to school and teaching so I figured it wouldn’t be a problem meeting that goal again. As an achiever I did not want anything getting in my way of that goal, but as 2020 has taught us, life has a way of presenting challenges, ha! I was turning to graphic novels, poetry collections, and wrapping up books I had begun but not yet completed and trying to hit that magic, arbitrary, zero-consequences for not meeting it goal. My BFF and Vaimo were like, why are you killing yourself over this? What is the point? Enjoy your life they said to me, and all I could do was respond with a firm “no! I can’t not meet this goal!” At the time I also, like now, was preparing to set my new year’s book reading goal. How many for 2020? What would it be? Vaimo and BFF begged me not to increase my number after seeing my stress at the end of 2019. But I knew I could do more. In some more weird and unusually fantastic math gymnastics I came up with a new absolutely arbitrary goal of 81.
I’d begun instituting reading goals in 2018 because I wanted to give myself a challenge to find my way back to a younger version of myself. Young KCF was the epitome of a book worm. I absolutely loved reading. I have always loved reading. I counted the public library as one of my best friends growing up. The biggest barrier between me and the library was having to muster the courage to cross the busy Tramway thoroughfare where the cross walk light was always too short! Taking a step off of the curb the red hand would be blinking before even making it to the median. Crossing four lanes plus a right hand turn lane was a lot to manage as a kid. Libraries have always been my sacred spaces, I’ve learned so much in them, each one giving me the opportunity to connect with their collections, and the gift of time and space to read, write, think, and be. A regret of mine is not having more physical evidence of my favorite places now that I’m physically far from them - the Simms Library reading rooms at Albuquerque Academy, my favorite table by the copy machines on the fourth floor of Watson Library, my grad student carrel at Wilson library - told you, I’m obsessed with books and the places charged to tend to them! Getting lost in a used bookstore for hours was a favorite pre-pandemic date I’d take myself on, those places too have deep meaning for me and for a while turning into ghosts themselves (I’m looking at you Page One, Too).
In my mid-twenties when I went to graduate school I felt like I had trained my whole life for it because all we did was read. There were complete books assigned for each weekly seminar. Multiple books! And you were expected to have at least skimmed them all. And then there was all the supplemental reading and all the articles and all the wisdoms captured in this written form and bound in pages with artful covers. And I no longer had time nor the brain space for reading for pleasure. Where I once browsed the stacks for supernatural fiction and ghost stories, I now browsed the HQ and E call numbers. The only new to me books I read were all academic texts, which thankfully for me, I was really into reading. This time in my life remapped my brain to tend toward non-fiction, books filled with more ideas than stories though of course my favorites are those that do both. Only after earning tenure in 2016 did I return to reading for pleasure and not for work, though to be clear that binary does not really describe me either, because everything I read is information that ultimately informs my work in one way or another. Whether it be the ideas that stick with me for a long time, or the feeling I carry with me after reading the words by another human, I aim to be the human version of Johnny 5 speed reading my way through as many books as I can get my hands on. [If you don’t get that reference, watch Short Circuit - or if strapped for time google Johnny five reading gif!]
Like many of us, end of year reflecting is how I’m spending my last day of this wild year, while I take an actual vacation from my “work.” Nostalgia abounds, now I’m thinking back to how I was socialized into reading because I grew up in the times of “Book-It” where we were rewarded for reading with a free personal pan pizza from Pizza Hut. Gah! I wish I still had my Book-It buttons with all my stars on them. Even my brother who was not nearly as interested in reading mustered through it so he wouldn’t miss out on his pizza. I, on the other hand, could have been earning other kids’ pizzas for them because I was constantly exceeding my weekly book goals. Of course, this gets us into the area of investigation of the very real social conditions that shape who does and does not have time/resources to read linked to class and education levels and of course to the larger challenges in the publishing industry surrounding whose books even get published and how is that clearly not nearly representative of the demographics of our national population. I am a prime example of an outlier reader given the number of books I made it through this year (86!) and my reading habits prioritizing works by women of color, LGBTQ folks and all of those amazing intersections.
And so all of this time traveling back and forth through my reading life is being kicked around in the back of my mind as I grapple with my new ambitious goal of 100 books for 2021. In addition to the real concerns of my budget, accessing books as a recovering academic is more difficult than ever before. I’ve lost my academic library access to large collections and inter-library loan privileges, and the physical distance from libraries during a global pandemic have all provided additional challenges to accessing the books I want to read next year. I am also way more discerning about how I want to spend my time with a book given the only thing between me and reading as many books as I want is the time to do so. There are so many books I want and my local public library doesn’t have for me. I have to be content with budgeting for big book acquisitions, applying for grant funding to purchase art exhibition catalogues, and listening to more books to meet my reading goals. And I will shift, I’m already thinking about the hundreds of books I have in my home collection I could revisit, or learn from the books Vaimo has brought into our library that meet my criteria. But all this planning means I will significantly decrease my chances of stumbling across something great, or happening upon a book that surprises me, or finding something that I can’t put down after randomly picking it up. There is something to be said about the magic of not always knowing where one is headed. All I know is that I am working my way to a life where I can read a book a day, just like the young KCF days. Life is too short to not meet my reading goals. I will never make it through all the books that have ever been published in this lifetime, and coming to terms with that reality has been difficult for my stubborn ways to let go of the hope of that being a goal I could even attempt. It turns out the ghosts on my shelves are mostly of my own making. I wish for you the best book and reading experiences that you can achieve in 2021 whether that is one or one hundred. And if you find yourself in need of a recommendation, you know I’m always here for you. Happy New Year.
What I’m Reading
A thrill that did not disappoint
The Only Good Indians by Stephen Graham Jones
While I grew up loving fiction, if you just read my essay above, you’ll know that I find fiction is not my go-to reading at this stage in my life. Stephen Graham Jones’ novel The Only Good Indians helped remind me that truism from Octavia Butler’s work that there too are lessons in fiction for us to engage. The story is engaging and gripping from the beginning. For those into scary stories, this is a fantastic thriller that not only achieves actual chills from the reader but also frames a story deeply connected to culture that absolutely satisfies in its complexity. SGJ’s weaving of the tensions between post-modernity and Blackfeet cultural traditions is masterful. I don’t want to give away too much of the plot in case you want to pick it up, check out this NPR interview with the author if you’re still in need of your curiosity being satiated. This was the first fiction book in a long while that I was eager to return to while reading and once finished. I cannot stop thinking about it after having listened to it.
A beautifully loving tribute
Looking for Lorraine: The Radiant and Radical Life of Lorraine Hansberry by Imani Perry
This book is a biography, and also so much more. Perry delightfully weaves the socio-cultural and political context of Lorraine Hansberry’s short life of only 34 years into a wonderfully, loving tribute to this artistic genius who has not been rightfully adored in the same way as some of her contemporaries. I did not know she was close friends with Nina Simone and James Baldwin, and that her death marked their work so intently. I also enjoyed learning about how Hansberry embraced Black radicalism and Perry’s analysis of the frame of radical in Lorraine's time and ours. The book is a testament to the power and need for archives and for time and space for us to access them. This book touched me on a soul level, for those in need for a reminder of why your creative work matters, this is good balm.
What I'm Hearing
Dolly Parton's America hosted by Jad Abumrad
I binged this short run series about Dolly Parton as I was making final preparations for my show this month. The nine episode arc artfully engages fans, scholars, and listeners of Dolly Parton's music with in-depth interviews with the artist herself based on a really interesting twist of how the host Jad Abumrad gained access to her. I loved the way that race, feminism, politics and the South were covered through using Dolly Parton's music and storytelling genius. The series is a sociological marvel and while I came upon it a year after its release, the storytelling remains relevant a year out. The production value and soundtrack is also, music to one's ears. Even if you're not a Dolly fan, this podcast will give you something to chew on for sure!
Artist Offerings
- This incredibly artful reflection on the impact of Little Richard's music He Was An Architect: Little Richard and blackqueer grief connects disparate threads together and honors the loss of this great musician who we lost in May of this year,
- And, this news about a new interpretation of ancient goddess statues gives me much to chew on.
Creative Ritual
In true KCF fashion I am sending 2020 off with a bang. I recorded an interview for a podcast about art and mental health for a local MN choral organization of all things - it was fun to discuss anxiety and the way visual arts have shifted my perspective a bit. Also, fun to share that I was in chorus for years as a youth, it made me want to return to my banjo dreams! Maybe 2021 will be the year for my lessons to finally get underway. I submitted for a group exhibition opportunity at the local gallery near me and was excited to learn a print I made earlier in 2020 will exhibit. As always, I will link when all these things are live! And, of course, Vaimo and I trekked across the state to drop off my nine 4x4ft canvases of my Interior Intimacies series earlier this week to the MacRostie Art Center. The show will be up all of January. I invite you to join me for the Artist Talk I’ll be giving on January 20th at 6pm central. Reply, if you’d like the link for the talk and I will see how to get it to you. I have learned so many lessons about myself and my processes during this year plus of time creating, for which I am very grateful. I’m sure you all will hear about it when it’s time to share. As for now, 2020 has brought me many challenges and many gifts. I am grateful for you for being a part of my newsletter community and amaze myself in the ways I continue to show up to this project. Thank you for being my delightful audience who helps keep me accountable to my dreams and goals. I am sincerely grateful for you reading my words and helping me make sense of my disparate streams of information coming together to inform my work in these times.
Questions to Ponder
What was your favorite book you read in 2020?
What are your reading goals for 2021?
What are you hoping to learn more about?
In what ways do books inform your work?
Thanks for journeying with me. I hope, as always, that you take what you need and leave the rest for someone else, or for another time.
-KCF
Like what you see? Support the work to keep it coming <3