Ritual Rest

You know that bone-tired, weary feeling after pushing yourself so hard all day for multiple days in a row, not sure where to fit it all in because you have so much to do and so much you want to do? Yeah, me neither. That bone-tired, weary feeling lives so close, right under the surface for me, that any given moment I could return to that state at the snap of a finger. I recently snuggled up to this state when I was using my days to do the work I’m contracted to do, the board service I choose to do, and then the art making I’m called to do all while reserving a five hour shift from 4-9pm to be in my community completing non-response follow-up interviews for the Census. For those weeks logging upward of 200 miles of driving around Otter Tail County, I would stumble tiredly into our home, submit my electronic timesheet, eat a snack, gulp a nightcap and then make it to bed to try to wind down quickly enough so I could pretend to get eight hours of sleep. I remained committed to my yoga practice which meant getting up at 5:30am so I could be to my mat by six, and then on to breakfast with Vaimo at 7:20am. As some of my favorite and most sacred times of my day I refused to give them up just for more sleep (most of the time). The constant droll of go, go, go, keep pushing, keep going took a toll. My creative and personal was life crushed by the immediacy and urgency of commitments I made but did not want to keep. That pull toward productivity as some kind of meaning maker lulled me into the workaholic lifestyle I know intimately.

But I don’t want to live there. Will this time finally be the time I learn that lesson?

One of the most encouraging shifts I have seen in movement based social justice work, led largely by disability justice advocates and contemporary feminism is the move toward centering rest and care as purposeful values for social change. Rest as resistance, a complete mind shift requires me to completely reevaluate how I operate in the world. I did not grow up learning to value rest. I suspect many others share this value - hard work as a character trait doesn’t leave much room for rest. Achievement is often characterized as requiring endless pushing, drive, focus; an intensity that does rarely breaks. I personally eschew naps, unless I’m sick or extremely sleep-deprived. And not to yuck others’ yums as the saying goes, but at earlier points in my life I also judged those who napped, as if their life choices were some how less noble than mine. As if, napping was a character flaw. Even as I had an avid napper in my family, my mama, who to this day regularly enjoys an afternoon rest. Oh, so many lessons to continue to learn. Oh what potential therapy webs to untangle.

Rest as resistance is such a beautiful value in that the very word rest grounds inaction as the way to propel momentum for change. Resting is radical when one recognizes how systems of power rely on preventing people from resting in order to thrive - think farmworkers continuing to harvest food as wildfires loom behind them in California. How could they rest when the urgent need to harvest foods to protect profits butts up against the importance of feeding communities? This urgency means after farmworkers harvest one field it’s off to the next ahead of the fires but within the same polluted, smoke-filled air. And wildfires aside, there is no room for resting when your wage is linked to the number of fruit one can pick. A 32-pound bucket of tomatoes earns a farmworker in Immokalee, Florida, on average two quarters. Fifty. Cents. And for those of us privileged to toil in intellectual fields instead of the physical dirt, the urgency of everything around us encourages us to value overwork as a character trait. To treat rest as if it’s for the weak. These binaries, like all binaries, no longer serve us for where we need to go.

I’m working on my attitude about rest, and trying to model different ways of being for myself and others near to me. With the help of rest activists like Tricia Hersey and her project The Nap Ministry, I’m truly shifting my perspective. The culmination of having more time in my life to slow-down, a daily yoga practice, spiritual seeking and making a life as a creative seems to be the perfect storm to teach me the lessons I continue to not quite learn the first time around. Some of these wisdoms are likely inspired by my reflective nature and the precipice of a soon to be celebrated milestone birthday. I’d like to live another four decades with the abundance of work to show for my efforts and, I want to be rested.

What I’m Reading

A Fictional Respite

Mexican Gothic by Silvia Moreno-Garcia
I haven’t been reading a lot of fiction lately, but given the buzz about this book I looked forward to diving in to it. After being 53rd on my library’s waitlist the day finally came for me to pick it up and it was well worth the wait. A subtly feminist tale of women’s empowerment, courage, and strength in the face of societal pressures and expectations with a side of horror, the book certainly keeps the reader engaged and rooting for the main character. I had the pleasure of finishing this book lake-side and it’s a great read for a sunny day, you’ll want the warm of the sun while reading about the foggy, misty estate where the action takes place. I would not be surprised if this book becomes a film one day. Give it a look if you’re into strong female characters, Gothic hetero-romance, good writing with a touch of scary-factor.

A Non-fiction Linger

Broad Strokes: 15 Women Who Made Art and Made History (In that order) by Bridget Quinn with Illustrations by Lisa Congdon

While I’ve been incorporating more fiction into my reading habit this collection along with Olivia Laing’s collection Funny Weather I started reading this month (review to hit a future newsletter) have reminded me of my deep love for the non-fiction world. As an art historian, Quinn’s writing style melds personal narrative, biography and art criticism into a mostly perfect rendition of essays highlighting 15 women artists. I picked up the book on a whim at the library the other day while I was there to return Mexican Gothic while I was picking up a different book that’s been on my to-be-read pile since last Fall’s dud of a drawing class I survived in art school. I didn't know what I was getting into when I pulled the book off the shelf, but it’s been one of my favorite random pulls from the stacks in a while. Each chapter focuses on the ways art history writ large has mostly marginalized these women’s artistic genius followed by Quinn’s readings of why this was not a great move on the field’s part. Quinn is a successful writer about art and artists’ lives and the approach of the text makes art history accessible to the uninitiated. My only critique of the text is that while four women of color grace the list of 15 artists Quinn explores, I wished Quinn would have centered a better anti-racist analysis as to why Edmonia Lewis, Ruth Asawa, Ana Mendieta and Kara Walker should be better understood as important art figures in the context of Western art history. Overall, I was grateful for her attempt, and believe this text to be an important and timely collection that has inspired me to look more into Quinn’s work as a feminist art historian.

What I’m Watching

The Bisexual (Streaming on Hulu)- I saw a review of this show in my monthly Bitch magazine subscription which perked my interest. Laila, played by Desiree Akhavan of Appropriate Behavior fame, navigates a break up and the cultural intensity of living with one foot in a lesbian world and one foot in the hetero-landscape. Season One is an emotionally gripping exploration of sex and identity of more than just Laila. I was struck by the emotional punch packed into each of the six episodes where everyone has something to work on and there’s quite a bit of steam in the show as Laila navigates her new reality as woman pursing sexual encounters with women and men. Ultimately, the show is about intimacies and the boundaries of gender, care, and personal aspirations in community. For another queer person’s take.

Artist Offerings

• This absolutely stunning piece of writing by Jesmyn Ward is the must read of the last two weeks.
• A friend invited me to an event they were moderating on artists and protest activism which is where I learned about these moving and important portraiture paintings by Minnesota-based artist Leslie Barlow.
• Researching residencies as a means to connect with other artists’ work which brought me to Widline Cadet’s photography exploring her Haitian identity alongside themes of migration, race, femininity, visibility and memory.
• So important I think you should consider giving it a look I’m linking twice to Tricia Hersey’s art and The Nap Ministry Project. A perfect blend of art, creative community activism, and healing rooted in anti-racist and feminist values.

Creative Ritual

With the help of Vaimo I completed the entire process for a new canvas stretcher - the body pains, skin scratched off as canvas pulls tight against wooden frames, and wrist fatigue from drilling so many holes and then placing screws, reminds me that I am alive. Happy to report I’ve got one more frame ready for canvas and for the skin to heal over the spots on my fingers where they were once rubbed. I am acting as if I have a show and am dedicated to pumping out a 48x48in interior painting one per month for the rest of the year. I’m committed to increasing my body of work this year and that means, it’s back to my canvases and brushes and away from the computer.

Questions to Ponder

What does rest look like for you?
How do you prioritize rest as a value?
How are you thinking about rest as a means for you to show up as your best self?
Do you support others’ rest?

Thanks for journeying with me. I hope, as always, that you take what you need and leave the rest for someone else, or for another time. 

-KCF