Art of KCF: Ritual Meal
I have this habit of listing during my writing process. Let me try to show it here. I like to create, to play, to follow a line of inquiry through its own unraveling. I try to follow it from the beginning of the thought to its landing place. Like a meditation technique, but instead of following the breath I'm following the thought. Observing it from afar, as if I'm some how disconnected from the thinker. I am still learning to accept I am not my thoughts.
Editors don't like my tendency to list. Nor do they enjoy my long meandering sentences that seem to start in one place and end in another. I get it. There are conventions we are supposed to adhere to for different forms of writing. But I've never been into conventions. I am not supposed to be like everyone else. And at what point does one's voice no longer reflect your truest self? My writing has further been changed by my deeper study of visual arts, I see the process differently now. From the point of view of an artist who makes objects material from the ephemeral. I love repetition. I love lyricism. Prepositions help me bring rhythm to my writing. I eat the same breakfast every Sunday, a Shakshuka that Vaimo* and I split duties on preparing. It's always best when we both work on it. It just tastes better. She slices the onions and peppers thinly and gets them softening in the cast iron pan. I'm in charge of adding the garlic, spices, and tomato and overseeing the baked egg process. We've been making this meal almost weekly for over a year now. I live for repetition. The ritual is complete for the week when I take the photo of the dish and post to my IG story.
I'm starting this newsletter as a means to begin a new ritual. A space for me to connect the dots between the media I'm consuming and the practices I'm engaging. A place where an editor won't tell me "I don't get what you're saying here," because it is possible I am unclear in my writing, and it may also be true that the message is not yet meant for you. What you can expect - a brief vignette from yours truly, a round up of what I've been reading, watching, and thinking about like payday on the 15th and last day of each month for at least one year. The Art of KCF is one part experimentation on how to best share my authentic self with the world and one part honoring other creatives who help me tap into my fullest self. I'm committed to using this space to create. To reestablish my connection with my love of writing. To find ways to better connect, synthesize, my life's purpose -- to experience and inspire unabashed joy. Each newsletter will end with a brief update about my creative work and a series of questions I invite you to reflect on as a means to explore our creative processes. Questioning is what I do best, and I'm happy to share as a means to connect digitally during these increasingly isolating times.
What I'm Reading
Young KCF lived at the public library when she was growing up. Libraries are sanctuary spaces for KCF. Graduate school almost snatched my joy of reading. There were so many words and I was constantly devouring academic texts and there was just so much reading. I never thought I could tire of reading but grad school really took a toll. There also wasn't enough time for me to keep up with other readings - no time for my other favorite genres of poetry, memoir, fiction, or graphic novels. A couple of years ago I recommitted to reading for pleasure. As a high achiever this also meant setting a goal which I track through Goodreads. Two standouts from my recent reads:
A Classic
Karin Rosa Ikas interviews ten Chicana writers in this 2002 collection, Chicana Ways. Playwrights, essayists, academics and fiction writers share about their creative processes and their ongoing projects. For folks who like a behind the scenes, pull back the curtain, delve deep into psyche processes this is a satisfying read. I learned that Gloria Anzaldúa graduated with an art degree - I'm chewing on her words on how she managed her various creative pursuits-
Earlier on I was a painter; I tried to sculpture (sic) and to do design. In addition, I took a lot of courses in art and have a degree in it; my B.A. is in art and my M.A. is in art education and literature. My mom still has some of the paintings on the walls. Nowadays, I continue to draw pictures. However, back then I had two concerns: one was that I was going to be a mediocre artist; the second was that I couldn't afford the oils, the paints, and brushes which were really expensive. I could afford a tablet of paper though. And I always wanted to do both, to be a writer and an artist. But then I thought, "Okay, I don't have enough energy and years in my life to be in an apprenticeship in two different art forms." So I picked writing. (11)
The book has many gems for the Chicana writer and artist. I worry a lot I'm a mediocre writer and that I may not have enough time to master painting in the ways the medium deserves. Who knew I'd have another connection to Gloria Anzaldúa in a new way through revisiting this work? The book also inspired me to think about how Catholicism influences my attempts to intervene in art history canons and connects to my spiritual practices. I read Kerry James Marshall's catalogue for his retrospective Mastry earlier this year which is a master class in how to critique art history canons through painting the Black figure and capturing Black life on canvas. I'm seeking to challenge shared yet different trajectories of art history canons in my work. This connects back to Chicana Ways when Pat Mora reminds us through her brother's comments in her interview, "Catholicism is our myth system" (144). I'm looking forward to engaging with this idea more in my visual art, as much of Western art history begins with the Catholic church as the major patrons of religious (now art) objects, in what ways can I continue to mine this landscape for reinterpreting myths and their impact on me as a queer Chicana?
A Current
This poetry collection by Camonghne Felix, Build Yourself a Boat, shook me to my core. Her Black femme sensibilities exploring trauma, healing, sexuality, friendships, connections is magnified through how she plays with form. This collection is a creative marvel. Definitely my favorite poetry collection I've read this year. Haymarket Books is also having a 50% off sale, so if you need a reason for a book binge, put this one at the top of your list. I've read it three times since it arrived. If you're into creative approaches to poetry and form through a decolonial framework, this is for you. I don't want to write too much about the book because I don't want to spoil your reading of it. Her stretching of the use of footnotes is one hint of how I will share she challenges form and conventions of writing. And I liked it.
What I'm Watching
I started watching Mindy Kaling's new show Never Have I Ever on Netflix this week. I like Kaling's work and I am intrigued by the concept. So far, there are some fun and interesting parts of the show. And, in the back of my mind is the critique (spoilers in link) of the show I've seen posted by my Indian and Indian American friends on social media. It's made me suspicious of the show and it's also brought up familiar questions for me - like how we hold creatives of color to incredibly high standards (which are never equally applied to white creatives) when it comes to representation. If we were in a landscape where a variety of complex stories could be shared could Kaling's series function as one of many vs. the only example? Please don't take this question as an excuse of perpetuating isms... because we should all aim to not be replicating harm... however I'm seriously interested in thinking through how this critique serves us. As people of color with few representations available to us what does it mean when we ask these hard questions. How is the project of representation always already a doomed one in the landscape of a white-owned media? No media should be above critique and critique functions via structures that privilege the white-supremacist, heteropatriarchy. Does it provide white media execs the room to say well, we will only make things that are palatable to the white audience then? Aren't we already there? I'm thinking about this in relation to how similarly critiques of Gentefied and Vida are circulating for Latinx-based storytelling. Is the only way out of this conundrum to support independent media producers? I mean, yes. The answer is yes. And, don't we also deserve access to platforms that reach broad audiences. We also need diverse friend groups because this critique was not what was hitting the typical feministy line ups I was seeing about the show. Writing these ideas here scares me. This is the kind of conversation I am afraid to have on SM - it's something I would draft in a tweet form and never hit send. As I am committed to my freedom...I take a baby step and put it here. This is the kind of conversation I would have once had in my classroom. It's perhaps much better suited to that space. In lieu of the classroom, let me invite you into my independent study.
Artist Offerings
- Looking for diverse approaches to understanding art trends - connect with HyperAllergic
- It's where I read this awesome round up of Native artists curated by Manuela Well-Off-Man
- Which led me to purchasing a couple of prints from Terry Last Gun to add to my collection
- Helping me deepen my joys of printmaking like with Miranda Metcaff's podcast Pine | Copper | Lime
- Bringing me to Wuon-Gean Ho's Little Linos Project (her IG is awesome)
- Luis Martin, a Brooklyn-based artist interviewed me for his Studio Confessions Podcast!
- Chani Nicholas' Zodiac-themed Playlists thrills. How she knows my scorpio groove is beyond me.
I have been busy this first half of the month because I finished my Associate of Fine Arts degree requirements. As such, I've officially launched a website for my work which I tinker with once a week. I also started a FB professional page and hosted two digital artist talks for my Interior Intimacies series. Stay tuned for more work to arrive on my website - all of it is for sale - please DM me for pricing. I'm learning how to manage my creative pursuits alongside the rest of my life. How will I, like Gloria Anzaldúa juggle my commitments to writing and painting? Now that I no longer have the structure of school to keep me producing work, I'm navigating how to start new practices that keep me moving on my writing and painting goals. I picked up my DSL camera for the first time since photography class as part of the prep for my website design. I want to find ways to use my camera more for narrative purposes. I'm yearning to capture more of the joys I find in my home environment now that I'm confined here for the safety of us all. I'm baking more - check out this easy savory scone recipe I would give a 10/10. I'm looking to engage with how to invite creativity into my life. How to call for it. I'm ready to respond.
Questions to Ponder
How does Spring fill you with joy?
What do you need for your creative process?
How are you finding comfort in stillness?
What new rituals are you engaging? For what purpose do they serve you right now? Are you letting go of any rituals currently? What are you shedding during Spring's bloom?
Thanks for following along. I hope, as always, that you take what you need and leave the rest for someone else, or for another time.
-KCF
*Vaimo is the Finnish word for wife. My Finnish American wife prefers I use this name to refer to her in my public writings - she's private.