Halloween Lady Beetles

I have no empirical evidence to support this claim -- only experiential, but I'll declare it anyways-- country homes are particularly rife breeding grounds for insect infestations. Could it be that because the urban home dwellers provide so many options only a few of any given insect can really take hold? Is this house in which Vaimo and I live susceptible to insects seeking refuge here specifically, because there are so few structure opportunities to inhabit in our "neighborhood"? I seek to make my home a refuge, though I don’t remember inviting the cluster flies and Harmonia Axyridis.

Harmonia Axyridis, the scientific name, helps me feel less hatred toward these creatures known to me as Asian beetles but they’re also known as harlequins, Asian ladybeetles, or my new fave, Halloween lady beetle. Simply writing about them conjures the visceral experience of having their hard shelled bodies catapulting against my head as they’re prone to climbing on the ceiling and then falling as they reach toward warmth and light. They love my upstairs window where every morning I greet the sun through vinyasa salutations - totally interrupting my zen as they congregate in the cracks and crevices where wood and aluminum and glass have not maintained their job assignments of flush connections. Flicking them off my yoga mat during practice feels as painful as vacuuming them up before I seek peace within myself, so as to bring that spirit into relationship with the world.

I’d describe them as an invasive species, they are definitely not native to North America, these creatures began populating wildly after human intervention. Apparently they are very good at eating aphids off of monoculture crops like Midwestern fields of soybeans, and are useful garden helpers. According to UMN Extension efforts to keep them out of one’s home should be the only pest intervention because of how beneficial they are for gardens and large scale agricultural production. They certainly are not fulfilling those benefits as they amass on my windows, or live out their entire life cycle ending belly up on our floors. They are definitely not the helpful garden creatures when biting humans simply out for a nice bike ride on a warm Minnesota summer day. Though, who am I to really say, as a member of the ultimate invasive species?

What strikes me about this Harmonia Axyridis problem in which I find myself, is that like much in the world, there are at least two apparent tactics I could take to attempt to get to the bottom of it. One, I could continue to remove the carcasses, or vacuum up their fleeting presence when their numbers become overwhelming in an endless cycle from August through April. Or, two, I might try some upstream prevention measures. After all, this is what the experts recommend, seal your house, silicone caulk the cracks, purchase some polyurethane expandable spray foam at the local hardware store. Above all else seal the cracks that are bigger than 1/8th inch because they can get in to that small of a crevice. By September, they say, to prevent this winter trouble.

As an artist I would like to say, these kinds of challenges entice me, help me flex that problem solving portion of my brain that I love so much about the making process. The downstairs window won’t be a problem to seal because it’s ground level. But how to approach the third floor window? Impeccable lake views always come with a price. Could I repel off the roof somehow, like a nimble cliff climber, even as my body has no muscle memory or no comfort in that kind of harness? Or is renting a scaffolding system or some kind of machinery like a bucket that the electric companies offer to their staff to elevate them high above the ground to tinker with the human-made conveniences that also become problems, the way to go? Could I tow either of those options somehow behind our truck? Do I have the right hitch for that? Oh, how quickly this first problem to solve unearths new problems. As the next generation of Harmonia Axyridis take flight, I ruminate and wonder, and plan, and address, and reframe, and recharge and… and… and… they’re still here.

As a queer Xicana I know that it’s lazy to stop at this either/or thinking. I’ve been retraining myself since I was able to name my displeasure in the ways we’re trained to default to the binary, this or that, good or bad, yes or no, to one that honors the borderlands, the in-between, the third-space, the decolonial imaginary, the queer time, the event or process instead of the noun alone, the “it’s complicated.” I try to not get stuck here either, these are tools to help us move to different ways of being, knowing. Though, there is certain pleasure in inertia, a reminder that we are all beings, not always doers. Emma Pérez reminds us in The Decolonial Imaginary that, “if we choose to enact the tool of history, and call it third space feminist consciousness…then we begin to build another story, uncovering the untold to consciously remake the narrative. Third Space feminism allows a look to the past through the present always already marked by the coming of that which is still left unsaid, unthought” (1999, 127). I’m drawn to seeking this third space because the binary is too confining, too limiting for my imagination. There are always more possibilities in the in-between, in what can be uncovered if we dig deeper.

I want to return to the not so recent past where Harmonia Axyridis were not here in Minnesota, were not huge colonies nestled in the insulation of this home. And yet, I also have no true desire to time-travel backward. I want forward momentum, I want these big, complex problems of our day to be met with creativity, and options beyond this or that. I long for the space to dream of the world where expansion for all doesn’t mean restriction for some. I envision a sanctuary that can hold me and these bugs that bother me so. Is refuge possible as expansion and acceptance? Let’s keep trying to find out.

What I’m Reading

A Cultural Worker in Higher Ed

The Anti-Racist Writing Workshop: How to Decolonize the Creative Classroom, by Felicia Rose Chavez

A gift, an offering, a call to action. This book helped me feel seen, as someone who has spent the majority of my life in academic institutions, Chavez's memoir blended with her teaching experience demonstrates how creative writing instruction can and must be done differently. For full disclosure, I know the author of this text, for the close reader you have seen her name in my newsletter before. And while Felicia is one of my first true platonic loves, don't just take it from me, the accolades are coming from all corners of the world in praise of this book. Even if you're not on the ground in a classroom or facilitating writing workshops, this book will have you questioning the very foundations of how you were taught to engage with your creative work. It's a particularly healing text for the writers and creators of color, and a beautiful possibility for the important work we all must carry if we seek to embody anti-racism. This is soul work, thank you Felicia. 

A Cultural Worker in the Arts

This is What I Know About Art, by Kimberly Drew

Billed as a small book asking big questions for young adults, Drew draws on her extensive experience in the New York City art world, from museums to galleries to tumblr. With various foci on Black art-making, Drew explores the ways she has navigated this world. I appreciated her highlighting of Black artists we should all know by name, and the lessons she’s learned about large questions like who has access to museums, art history, and art. She asks us to think deeply and critically about how we use our voices and to what end, while meditating on her righteous rage of how white supremacy infects art history, museum culture, and the art world broadly. Lastly, this book is part of a broader series that looks super cool, it’s the sort of thing I would’ve eaten up as a tween. The illustrations for the covers are cohesively fun, yet individualized for each theme of the book. Check out this series for yourself or a young person in your life!

What I’m Watching

Love Life (streaming on HBO)

Vaimo and I took in this entire 10 episode arc on Saturday of last weekend when we decided we would just put something on in the background while we attempted to do some cleaning. We didn’t get to the cleaning so perhaps that is a good mark of good storytelling. The series follows one main character (Darby played by Anna Kendrick) as she looks for love in New York City, set in modern context. The show exists in a multicultural landscape (people of color exist in NYC), Darby, a white woman, has friends of color, dates men of color and is middle class and kudos to the show runners for placing Darby in a very small apartment as a glimpse into what I can only assume are the realities of New York City real estate. What is less satisfying, is that there are never any issues related to race in the show in spite of this multicultural landscape. Where creators of color do this it feels revolution and hopeful, here I wondered if it's possible live in that world in the face of how white supremacy is a dominating and controlling legacy- where the not engaging becomes it's inadvertent complicity in the structures anti-racist creators seek to dismantle. Where the show remained satisfying for me however, was how each episode organized around a figure in Darby’s life as she navigates love, and the show runners explore this in varied ways (romantic, platonic friendship, parental…) which brings intrigue and interest to the typical rom-com structure. It’s a good study on why television shows are different from films which provides different storytelling possibilities, and ultimately reminds us each about searching for models for how to love ourselves. Also, for the art lovers out there, Darby’s career meandering in the art world gives sneak peeks into a world that remains inaccessible to too many.

Artist Offerings

• Felicia Rose Chavez in conversation with Kiese Laymon about her book reviewed above, as I watched it as the programming ran live, Vaimo asked me which one of the speakers was my bestie. Squealing with joy and laughter! 
• Big news for Chicano/a/x Arte I guess we're all headed to Riverside in the fall?
• This write up by the Minnesota Women’s Press on a very intriguing exhibit up at the Walker
• Inspiring exhibits continue with this story about painting reunions and new possibilities after Mr. Wash's two decades of painting while incarcerated
• Her Flag film about the recent cenntenial celebration of white women's right to vote in the US 

Creative Ritual

It was so much fun speaking with Katie on the KAXE Radio Show Strong Women a couple of Mondays ago to plug my artist talk for my recent show at the MacRostie (coming down 1/31). Thank you to everyone who joined me for my artist talk on the 20th, and for those who have shared their thoughts about the work with me! I also had an amazing time talking to my friend and host Veronica Arreola on The Feminist Agenda Pod find the episode on any platform where you get your podcasts! The virtual show is live for the Kaddatz Hindsight 2020 Show where you can see a black ink version of my Femme Legacy Print and other great works from regional artists reflecting on 2020. Besides these updates, January has been a whirlwind of a month in that I’m doing a lot of re-centering, and re-aligning with my workflows. I have not been painting a lot, though, February brings opportunities to do more intentional work in my studio. My LRAC Cohort work has kept me busy with a lot of trainings that I have been soaking up to strengthen my art business. This has meant a lot of administrative work that goes unseen, but updating my Artist CV that now hits the third page feels like both a feat and a wonder! Also, going to tease a new thing I'm going to try on Clubhouse - if you're there join me, will be discussing feminist books quarterly in that space, so grab a copy of Glitch Feminism if you want to join, me and my friend Caitlin will be discussing it in early March!

Questions to Ponder

How are you cultivating refuge in home spaces these days?
What either/or thinking is bogging you down today?
What possibilities await you in the third-space?
Is refuge possible as expansion and acceptance?

Thanks for journeying with me. I hope, as always, that you take what you need and leave the rest for someone else, or for another time. 

-KCF

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