Beginning Anew
In Thich Nhat Hanh’s monastic communities, at the end of every week, monks and nuns gather to practice a ceremony known as ‘beginning anew.’* Community members sit in a circle and share events of the past week; positive moments, personal regrets, and actions taken by the community that caused harm. By the end of the practice, the brothers and sisters have a better understanding of each other and what they can do to help. The practice of beginning anew is a reminder that, with the energy of compassion and understanding, we have the opportunity to heal. Thich Nhat Hanh said of the practice,
'Even if we have taken only preliminary steps toward healing, we have confidence that, having begun, we can continue.'
In this week’s newsletter, I would like to share my personal experience beginning anew. Without knowing it, without having a name for the practice, and without sharing it with anyone at the time. My journey of beginning anew was about repairing the relationship with myself during a period of great suffering.
It was a mid-winter weekday, around 2 pm, and my dad was still at work. I dragged myself out of bed and headed to the kitchen. Along the way, I gazed into the small, cloudy mirror hanging by the front door. A skinny looking human stared back at me. It wasn’t the Arik that I had once known but a shadow, one with withdrawn eyes and a depleted soul. It was the image of a person who gave up fighting long ago. But that day, something happened. I looked into the empty eyes gazing back at me and said,
‘I forgive you, Arik. I still love you. We can start again. We can start now.’
I was twenty-eight years old, unemployed, and living with my father. For the past ten months, I had been tortured by a relentless voice that filled me with regret, negativity, and worthlessness. Every day, I woke up to ruminating thoughts reminding me of what a failure I was. The official diagnosis: major depressive disorder.
‘I forgive you, Arik. I still love you. We can start again. We can start now.’
And then, I got on the ground and did twenty push-ups. My elbows creaked and my wrists could barely stand my bodyweight. I needed a twenty second rest, but I managed a total of twenty push-ups.
That first day, all I did was twenty pushups. The next day, I went for a light jog around Central Park. The day after that, I did 30 push-ups. Each day, I put a checkmark in my journal and told myself that the journey was just beginning. Some days, the best I could do was get out of bed before 5 pm and go for a walk. But each day, I was fighting back. And then, a funny thing happened. I kept going.
Just like Thich Nhat Hanh's community practice of beginning anew, my personal experience taught me that we cannot heal ourselves without first cultivating the energy of forgiveness and compassion. In order to start a healing journey, we first need to accept where we are, no matter how scary or painful that place may be. How can we accept where we are if we do not take an honest look in the mirror?
Take a look into your mind's mirror with us tonight, Monday, 2/6 for our first group meditation of February. :) We will meet at 8:30 pm and practice a 10-minute breath awareness meditation. Zoom link: https://stevens.zoom.us/j/99566082328
*To learn more about the beautiful ceremony of ‘Beginning Anew,’ read more here: Beginning Anew - Lions Roar