Weeks 29, 30, 31 & 32; 27-5-22
Hello friends,
I'd drafted the following paragraphs roughly 2 weeks ago:
I'm finishing up this edition of my newsletter on the train to Pisa! It was supposed to be my only trip for the next few weeks, a break in the lull between Liverpool and America (!!), but I've managed to completely fill up my time -- shocker. Last weekend I took a day trip to Napoli and got to see my favorite lookout, from Certosa San Martino, but looking in the other direction. And then on Monday I traveled 12 hours round trip in the course of 28 hours to surprise my friend Giulia on her birthday. I'd received a text 4 days earlier from one of Giulia's friends asking if I'd be willing to make the trip, and I immediately requested the day off and booked my train. It was spontaneous and so so what I needed: getting to see my friend showered with love on her 30th birthday, being amongst musicians, all in Bologna.
In contrast to that, last Sunday I had absolutely nowhere to be. I slept 10 hours, went for a walk in the afternoon, got rained on and promptly returned home, and then stayed in writing and read and taking inventory of my physical items, digital organization system, and logistics for the next few weeks. I will likely not have the chance to do that again until mid-June, at which point I'll only have 1 month left of my grant.
And here we are, nearly a month since my last update! I continued to completely fill up my time, to the point that I've not even logged into Tiny Letter. Mi serviva, I needed it. It's such a stark contrast from the social isolation and slow time I'd had for the prior 6.5 months. I'm so so ready for more.
An overview: 3 days after returning from the surprise party, I spent 4 days in Siena and Pisa with my Fulbright friend Natalie, and then 2 days later was visited in Mondragone by Eve and her friend Dave. AND, I'm sending this edition of the newsletter from the floor of my sweet sweet friends', Shreya and Ananya's, apartment, en route to Vassar for a celebration for the class of 2020! I have many many thoughts from the past 2 days on reverse culture shock, but for now I'm going to share some photos and reflections from my travels this past month. As the fruit of all my reflection, I'm going to share a From the Journal this week. My next newsletter will have a massive Field Notes section as I wrap up the school year.
That favorite view of mine (which I've 100% sent before, the one with Vesuvius over the city) but facing the gulf.
A cat! Inside a museum!
Continuing with the theme of installing contemporary art exhibitions in deeply historical museum spaces.
I'd written about this last time when I went up the mountain and found all the wildflowers, but I'm consistently in awe of the flowers and plants that are growing in. I've never been in Europe in the spring or summertime, and I feel like a child in the best way. "Childlike but not childish." (Edit: realizing it's very unclear that I took this photo because of the flowers growing out of the top right of the arch. It was equally as noteless in person.)
Napoli continues to have the most explicitly-socially-relevant street art, graffiti and stickers.
The concert! Giulia jumped up and sang a few pieces.
We did not have a sheet music stand so Matteo's friends took turns being human sheet music stands.
Empty cake pan on a park bench.
Breakfast the day after the party with Giulia and her friend Chiara, who had also traveled to be there as part of the surprise.
Eve and Dave had already arrived in Rome while I was on my way back from the surprise party, so we had lunch together! What a tease, a week and a half before getting to spend quality time with them.
And a week and a half later: another case study of people in my life who love me enough to be dragged up the mountain! We did bring a bottle of champagne this time. That was a first.
This photo feels celebratory and almost final. It's definitely not premature for celebratory, but it is for final. I've got a good number of weeks ahead of me still.
On our way back down -- very glad the Madonna at the fork in the path has been captured in a photo.
Out for drinks in Mondragone!
In for drinks in Mondragone!
Word Pictures
- After 4 days of travel, I returned home and had to take a very cold shower. I thought there was a problem with the pipes, but turns out the family I live with had turned off my gas for safety, and I’d simply not thought to check the bombola. Welcome home to me!
- "What’s your favorite school subject?" "Scarface" – I played Hot Seat in my classes, but with the goal to answer as many questions as quickly as possible. The questions were basic – favorite movie, song, food, school subject, etc. Some of my (very competitive) students began guessing the next question and responding before it was asked. We also got “What’s your favorite holiday?” “Pizza.”
- “Hi Dad, it’s me, your intelligent, capable, Fulbright scholar daughter who won multiple awards at graduation 2 years ago. I’ve got a quick question for you. How do I hard boil an egg?” – As I may have mentioned, eggs have recently become a part of my diet again. And boy has it been humbling. I’ve made some truly awful, disgusting eggs. But I am learning.
- As a refresher, the grandparents and older sister of my host mom live in the apartment above mine. They are so caring. The Nonna calls me cara and bella, offers me some beans whenever she cooks them for lunch, asks how I am, how far I ran, what I’m cooking for dinner. But they never ask for help, even when the grandfather is not in good health. I've offered to watch Giancarlo or cook or run errands, but nothing. So when they frantically knocked on my door at 11:30pm on a Friday night while the family was away, asking me to call my host mom urgentamente, I panicked. However, they had all gotten locked out of their apartment. They had the keys to the family’s home, so they slept there for the night. But it was pure chaos for a few minutes.
- One day I walked up to the beach to journal and watch the sunset. The sun was setting directly behind Gaeta, one of the towns to the NW of Mondragone, at the tip of the gulf. The outline of the hill was silhouetted against the setting sun. The sun was red, the sky pink; above the sunset there were 2 contrails, and above those a perfect silver sliver of the moon. I took a photo (see below), but it captured very little of the actual image. I also sketched it in my journal (which I have never done before). I want to remember this sunset not only for its beauty, but for what I was writing about in the moment. More on that in From the Journal.
- I have a routine of going to the fruttivendolo on the corner, the one who teaches me words in dialect, every 2 days and buying 2 apples, among other fruits and vegetables. But I always start with the 2 apples. One day, I asked for 3 apples instead of 2. The fruttivendolo joked “Wow, 3 apples? Ti ingrasserai cosi!” or, “3 apples? You’ll make yourself fat!”
- I have hardly seen my dance major students the past few weeks because they have been rehearsing for an upcoming performance. In my schedule, they are the middle period of a 3-hour day. One day, rather than signing out to go get coffee and signing back in (a very cumbersome process that has been a defining characteristic of my daily routine), I decided to sit in the sun on the pavement between the two buildings. It would be very generous to call it a volleyball court, although that is one of its many functions. I was enjoying the sun, sitting on the ground (as I am wont to do, and much to the surprise of every other teacher). I did not realize that the dance classroom had windows overlooking that area, until, during a water break, the silence was broken by “C’e` Antonella!” Echoes of my name bounced off the school buildings and into the open windows of every other classroom. They were so so happy to see me, scrambling to the window to wave, saying they miss me. I felt very adored.
- I did a road trip project with my students. More on that next time, but for now, I opened with a Buzzfeed article with 1 “must-see” road trip stop in each state. When I got to West Virginia, my sophomore music class all, in unison, started singing “WEST VIRGINIA, MOUNTAIN MAMMA, TAKE ME HOME, COUNTRY ROADS.” And then proceeded to do the full chorus again from the beginning. A neighboring classroom joined in on the second one. I realized that they did not know West Virginia was a state, and only knew of it in the context of these lyrics. But it was a very wholesome moment.
- One of my students offered me an oreo right before the start of the lesson. I’d not gotten past, “Oh, what is it?” when the rest of the class realized what was happening and all shouted out “GRAZIA, NO, SHE HAS CELIAC.” I am very cared for.
- In this same class, I was showing some old photos and one included my brother, Julian. This class of 16- and 17-year-olds (all girls) all started to say how bello he is (for context, my brother is 20 years old, well over 6ft, bearded, he lifts, and he looks very Italian), and asked if he’s single. When I said he’s fidanzato, in a relationship, they told me to let him know that they all think he’s handsome and that they hope his relationship goes well – a message that I did, in fact, pass along.
- I taught the word “senioritis” to a group of crying 5th year high school students. The whole interaction was odd, off-putting, disheartening. I will elaborate far more during my next newsletter where I catch up on recent experiences in the school system and synthesize my teaching experience. But for now, word picture: teaching the word “senioritis.”
- Giulia’s surprise birthday party: On 4 days' notice, I traveled 28 hours round trip, spending 12 of those hours on trains. Giulia's friends organized the most elaborate, beautiful, musical surprise party. She said that it felt like a wedding. I was honored to be a part of it (and did not realize until my arrival that my presence was one of 5 main surprises). A collection of word pictures from that 28-hr period: Giulia jumping out of her chair when I was snuck into the seat next to her; desperately trying to go in the exit of the grocery store 5 minutes before it closed because I hadn't eaten; consequently sitting around Giulia's friends' kitchen table at 2 am eating risotto they had prepared for me; the birthday concert evolving into a sing-along; requesting that Giulia read the instructions/manual for a flamethrower before she opened her gift (an amp for busking); making sound effects into the mic while sitting at a picnic bench in the middle of a crowded park and giggling to ourselves.
- On my way home, an old man at the Mondragone train station cornering me on a bench and then lamenting to me about immigrants in dialect, not letting me get a word in edgewise (not even to say that I don't understand the dialect well, which I tried to lead with!). I’m not going into it, just a friendly reminder that this sentiment is alive and well. As is the notion amongst Italian men that they are entitled to my time and attention.
- “Someone just honked at me and they were not saying hello, so I responded accordingly.” I may elaborate on this in a future newsletter, but the catcalling here is so much more intense than anything I’ve experienced in America. And it’s gotten more frequent and more vulgar as the weather has gotten warmer. I was on the phone with my mom, and interrupted myself to curse at a passing truck driver who had mimed a sex act at me as he drove past. She asked what happened, and this was my response.
- On a lighter Mondragone note, I witnessed an older man texting while driving a Vespa. A friend standing in the doorway to his shop saw him, yelled out to invite him for dinner the next night, then promptly apologized for interrupting his texting!!!
- Another Mondragone one, spotted while walking home from the gym: an old woman carrying a 26-lb case of water on one shoulder, smoking a cigarette with her other hand.
- The fancy high-speed trains will sometimes have a café car, or food service, like international flights do. However, the regional trains don’t. And in southern, rural areas most of the train stations themselves also do not have bathrooms or cafes. (I thought this was a universal rural thing, but on my trip to Pisa and Siena this past week I saw many northern rural stations with cafes, bathrooms, in-person ticket offices.) That said, often there will be someone with a cart who is selling bottles of waters, bags of chips, and other snacks on the southern regional trains. While traveling from Mondragone to Rome with Eve and Dave, we’d rushed out the door, and Dave hadn’t eaten. We were also all thirsty, as I’d snuck in a run right before leaving. So we got some water bottles and Dave got a sandwich and some chips. It was 22 euros, and, (this is the actual word picture), the eagerness of the salesman was palpable. It was clear that he does not often make any sales, which makes me wonder about his financial situation, his family, how sustainable this is as work.
- While scheduling a few appointments for this summer, I needed to spell my name phonetically for the first time in months. In Italy it’s not an atypical name. I can say it and everyone recognizes it (first and last!).
- Next few word pictures from Pisa and Siena: Lying on ground under leaning tower of Pisa late at night and talking about our experiences in the Italian school system.
- Sitting on the steps of the Duomo in Siena talking with Natalie about our past relationships, about our past and current friendships, about our mentors. Birds flocking around the bell tower at sunset. I had Mary Poppins stuck in my head.
- Having a wee bit too much to drink in Siena. Being pleasantly tipsy in the Piazza and people watching. Then getting the spins and taking a very laborious walk home arm-in-arm with Natalie. Drunk me has heavy archival and academic tendencies – I recorded voice notes to myself about how much I want to go back to school, and also (attempted to) write in my journal about the students and young people who were out and about.
- Eating hummus at 9 am on the balcony of our airbnb and crying while talking about our families, our friends.
- Very very very spontaneously going to get Natalie's haircut for the first time in a year. Re-watching s2e4 of Fleabag to get the right reference photo because Natalie got the Fleabag bob in the middle of a piazza. Painstakingly scrolling through 6 different reference photos and explaining Fleabag to the hairstylist. Natalie said she would only trust herself to navigate an Italian hair salon with me:) Oh, and she looks fantastic.
- A Mondragone swim with Natalie – first swim of the season, right at sunset. Natalie had to sit on a train for 8 hours the next day and did not want any of her clothing damp, so she morphed into me briefly (athletic shorts and a Jonas Brothers t shirt). Four days later, Eve wore the same shorts to go up the mountain. Invitation is open if anyone else wants to come up the mountain or go for a swim wearing my clothes!
I mentioned my archival tendencies in an earlier word picture. Regrettably, those tendencies do not manifest in photography. However, Natalie is wonderful at remembering to take photos. Please enjoy the abundance of photos I am about to share from our time in Siena and Pisa. I'll start by setting the stage with a landscape of the Tuscan countryside, looking out from up on the hill in Siena.
My view of the leaning tower, full moon, and Natalie's face, from where I was lying on the ground.
Our non-traditional Pisa tourist pictures pt 1.
Our non-traditional Pisa tourist pictures pt 2.
While on my run, I passed the building where my mom lived briefly. As I was running along the Arno, I pictured her commuting to class. Love you, Mom!
Spotted at a flea market!! Merchandise with my name on it.
Spotted in a gelato shop (I got a dairy free Pear and Red Pepper gelato?! Delicious). "We kindly ask our customers not to enter this business if you are displaying symptoms of: COVID-19, racism, or homophobia. Thank you for your cooperation!"
Also spotted in Pisa, a gluten-free grocery store named "Celiac Island." I do not think Celiac Island is a place I want to go for vacation.
New setting: Siena! This was the view from the steps of the Duomo.
In Siena, the train station is at the bottom of the hill, and the entire city is on the top. We did not realize that the 11-minute walk from the station to our airbnb was actually 7 minutes of escalators and inclined airport moving walkways?! There were 8 of these. We were very amused.
Spotted in Siena! Shoutout to Philly.
Post-haircut! In a piazza.
The background looks fake, but I promise it isn't!
This photo is very, very representative of my time here and I am grateful to Natalie for taking it. Returning home after a trip with my running shoes tied to my backpack and a tote bag on one shoulder.
Pre- sunset - swim in Mondragone! Me in my place.
Mid - sunset - swim in Mondragone! (A video of me post-sunset-swim is available upon request).
From the Journal
While I did do a lot of big-picture processing these past few weeks, it feels premature to attempt to incorporate those reflections into this From the Journal. I do not want to inadvertently write off the rest of my time here. Instead, keeping it light, I’m going to share a few thoughts I’ve had in recent weeks related to specific interactions and experiences. There will also be a heavy emphasis on social interactions and loneliness, to continue from my last newsletter.
- A quick one, was talking in both Italian and English with Giulia and her friends. We were talking about “taking a risk” vs “running the risk.” I explained that “taking a risk” feels more actionable, emphasizes the choice, where as “running a risk” feels more passive. Giulia said that correre il rischio, literally “running the risk,” is more like “taking a risk” in English. I started thinking about how I run but I am very risk-averse.
- I will elaborate on this in a future newsletter, but I’m noticing a fear of forgetting. I think the contrast of being at home, even for work, for over a year to now being so active and in movimento with little pause is jarring.
- Noticing moments of joy and contentedness, moments that give me pause and that I breathe into: planes taking off, the end of my runs, being on top of the mountain, encountering wildflowers (anywhere), in the middle of an engaging conversation, after a funny message exchange with my friends, playing the piano. Allowing myself to soak them in; naming them so that I can continue to seek them out when my life is busier.
- I’ve become very tan, thanks to long runs and walking around new cities with friends. Everybody has commented – to the point that a group of teachers interrupted one of my lessons to huddle around the door to the classroom and comment on my tan. This prompted a discussion between my students about whether my skin is chiara, light, or olivata, olive – as though they are a binary? I also could not tell which was more ‘desirable’ / what the beauty standard is around here, especially in relation to narratives around racism, immigration etc.
- Here in Mondragone, a gita in macchina, ride in the car, is a common way for friends to spend time together. Especially at sunset – they’ll all pick each other up, and drive the length of the beach, the lungomare, and watch the sunset from their moving cars. Similarly, one of the most popular bars in town is alllllmost on the beach, but there is one building blocking the view from the outside seating. Often, at sunset, the outdoor tables will be full of folks enjoying aperitivo, so close to the view of the sunset but not going to see it. And, final example, at Pasquetta we went to a picnic area at the base of the mountain. It was gorgeous, but nobody had any desire to go further into the woods, or closer to the lake. I cannot fathom being so close to nature and not wanting to avvicinarsi, move closer, immerse oneself. There is a comfort with the proximity to beauty here that I do not have, and never want to have! I always want to be moving closer to sunsets and mountains.
- Continuing to reflect on loneliness – I was catching up with a very very close friend for the first time in a while. I’d talked about many things, but not explicitly about loneliness. She asked for “the loneliness update,” and I said “loneliness is antecedent to everything for me right now.” And, at the same time, I am making peace with it. During one of my post-travel withdrawal moments, I wrote in my journal: “Oop here it comes, the loneliness. Motionless, frozen, paralyzed. Yep yep. I know her well. Welcome back ol’ friend, you’re gonna be around, or at least right outside, forever, aren’t you? We’re gonna need to get along better. Welcome. What are you here to teach me today?”
- The day of the most beautiful sunset, I was sitting and journaling about how I feel like I’m in a bubble. Like I walk down the street, and everyone else knows each other and says hello, but I am not a part of that. I am an outsider within this very tight-knit, insular community. And then, as I was walking home, I ran into 4 different groups of students. Some walking, some shouting from their cars. And it was a very well-timed reminder that, while I do not have access to every corner of Mondragone, the corners that I am a part of have welcomed me with open arms.
These next ones are about social life, elaborating a bit on my last newsletter
- There is a culture of saying ‘yes’ when in good company – I’ve noticed it especially with aperitivo. We’ll go out after Sunday pranzo, lunch, say we’d get 1 drink and stay for 20 minutes; but then we get to talking. run into to friends, and end up staying for 2 hours. It’s a beautiful way to be! But it makes me wonder, what the expected ratio of company to not-company is? And how my life fits into this culture, as someone who does not have many social connections here and spends far more time in the not-company category?
- Building on that one, there is also a culture of never letting guests pay. My in-person Mondragone social life was most active in the month of April, when folks who’d moved out were home for Easter break, and before my closest friend Serena moved away. At that point I’d been here for 6 months, and everybody was still insisting on paying. I playfully asked, Daiii, “Come on, how much longer?” Two people responded, in unison, “1 year,” knowing that I’d be leaving after 9 months. Sneaky!
- During this same, social time, when my friend Giulia came to visit me in Mondragone and Napoli, I organized an aperitivo for her (the one I was doing literal cartwheels after). It was me, Giulia, and Serena (my close friend who moved away) at first. Then a few minutes in I looked across the street and saw Antonio (the one who was introduced to me by another Fulbrighter who traveled to Paris and met him there), going for a walk, and texted him to join. Over the course of the hour and change, 2 other people who I’d previously been introduced to walked by, and stopped to chat with us. I felt so connected, so seen, so not in that bubble. And the conversation was wonderful. I am a gatherer of people, as my mom says about herself, and that part of me has been withering here in Mondragone. But it was flourishing in this moment. Listening to people who I’ve built relationships with introducing themselves to one another, thanks to me, tapped into something that I’d put up on a shelf. I was struck by the fact that everyone present had lived abroad, spoke multiple languages, and, for those who were from Mondragone, talked about how good it feels to be elsewhere. And, at the same time I was feeling that bliss, looking around at everyone and knowing that in a matter of days/weeks, I would be the only one left in Mondragone.
- Oh, a bonus word picture from that whole interaction. “Faccio business analyst.” “I work as a business analyst,” except the phrase “business analyst” is always said in English.
- I have been thinking a lot about age in relation to social life. Age and young adulthood manifest very differently here. For starters, I’ve noticed that friend groups are less delineated by age. Giulia’s friend group in Bologna ranges from 21 to 31 years old, and the age difference / difference in life experience rarely enters into the conversation. Similarly, my friends in Mondragone have ranged from 22-33 years old. To go back to what I said about “age difference / difference in life experiences,” I’m still processing all the different responsibilities and non-responsibilities (please excuse my jet-lagged brain for that) that people my age have. For example, most people in Italy do not finish their undergraduate degree until they are 23 or 24. Most then go on to get a Master’s, because the higher education system is broken down into the Triennale and the biennale. So it’s 3+2 for a “Bachelors” equivalent, before doing a Masters. So aside from the fact that very few people at the age of 24 have graduated, many of them also study near where they grew up. If possible, they live at home and commute (many people in Mondragone lived in Mondragone and commuted into Napoli for class). If not possible, they rent a student apartment with other students, but return home as often as possible. Many of them have little experience cooking, grocery shopping, cleaning, etc. (Not all, I do have a number of Italian friends who have been living on their own for a while). However, the most striking one is my friend Rosalba. Rosalba is 23, her parents own a café in Mondragone, she is finishing up her final exams for her Triennale, and she works and studies full-time. She lives with her parents and shares a room with her brother, who is in his 4th year of high school in Mondragone. Rosalba does not have many of the responsibilities that I did this time last year. However, after going to the Sunday market one day Rosalba said “Let me show you my house.” I was confused, because I’d had coffee with her family the week before. But she walked me a few blocks away, and unlocked the gate to an entire building that she owns! It was her grandfather’s, and when he passed away he left it to her. She is in the process of completely renovating it. And she rents out the first floor. So while Rosalba does not cook, clean, or live independently of her parents, and is still a full-time undergraduate student, Rosalba makes decisions about renovations and homeownership that are worth thousands of Euros (which she has, because she works and lives with her parents), in the way that very few American 23 year-olds would.
- Okay last one, TALKING WITH STRANGERS! I mentioned this after the trip to Liverpool, but I have so, so missed impromptu conversations with strangers. In Mondragone, I rarely strike up conversation with strangers because a) I feel stifled by my lack of anonymity, and 2) I have juuust enough of an accent that any random conversation inevitably turns into “You’re not from here, why are you here,” which does get old. But in my travels in the past few weeks, I’ve gotten to chat with folks in hostels, in cafes, on trains (I had an especially fun conversation on a very crowded regional train (classic) with a physical therapist from Rome. I’m sad it has been so difficult to access, and I will appreciate it so much more in the months and years to come.
Keeping with my theme of capturing things before they change... These fishermen are always out. They have nets on a tripod and are primarily fishing for
As promised, proof that they brought in a bulldozer - photos of the final product to come in the next newsletter.
My favorite tree from the other side.
A close-up.
Similar vibes to the playground from last time, except more chaotic? I am very confused why this dragon is even here, let alone placed so close to St. Anthony.
Continuing to marvel at the places that things grow here. Childlike but not childish.
Also continuing to marvel at tiny life!
The castle is also in bloom -- there were many picnickers so i did not get any more photos. [UPDATE: This photo was late April. 1 month later the path to the castle is completely overgrown, borderline impassable. Tall grass with snakes, hidden roots crossing underfoot. Eve said that the final stretch of the hike to the castle was the most she'd feared for her life since arriving in Italy, and she and Dave were both very shaken getting off of the van from the Mondragone train station!]
Dave's first words were "I'm a Philly driver, and I have a motorcycle, and I was scared for my life in that van." Considering that van is my gateway to the rest of Italy, this was very validating. Please also enjoy my phonetic spelling of "dobbiamo scendere qua," or "we need to get off at this stop."
Well, the van is not my *only* gateway to the rest of Italy. I did ride my bike to the train station last Sunday. It's a bit dangerous, so I was location sharing with a friend. Here I am making my way back to town on "unnamed road."
It's been a minute since I've sent a picture of Regina OR Lila, let alone one of them together!
This series of photos captures their dynamic well!
Here's that sunset I'd mentioned before.
I'm off to begin belated commencement activities here at Vassar! Looking forward to sharing reflections on my teaching experience in the next update.
Also want to note that this practice is serving me immensely in this moment by holding me accountable to building in slow time as I synthesize my reflections and writing and photos and experiences in an intentional way. Especially in these past few weeks, as things are ramping up.
Con tranquillita`,
Antonella
Appendix: Ground Rules
- This is a time for me of reconnecting with a number of practices that have been interrupted by the pandemic; by the 3-part-time-jobs, recent-humanities-grad, gig-economy work routine that I've just left; and by the inevitable ebb and flow of intersecting needs. This is just that -- a practice, a practice of connection, a practice of reflection, a practice of synthesis, a practice of perspective.
- This is not meant to replace my 1:1 interactions!
- This should serve me. There is no right or wrong way for me to structure these. Like my bullet journal, if the structure becomes cumbersome, it means my needs are shifting and I need to re-evaluate what I am including and how I am preparing to write.
- This is not a finished product, ever, by any standard. I will not fret over punctuation, word choice, or syntax. There are many spaces in my life where those things do matter, quite a lot, but they are not a priority here.
Here is the link to the archive of my past newsletters