Weeks 24, 25 & 26.5; 20-4-22
Hello friends,
Buona Pasqua!
[Disclaimer -- this is my longest newsletter yet!]
I did not open my laptop at all last weekend, nor most of this week -- what a way to be. I've been going from one social engagement to the next, all in-person, and almost all in Mondragone! A very welcome shift. However, I have an abundance of word pictures and actual pictures. So I'll be pushing reflections on social life to the next one, and instead sharing about the Reggia di Caserta, Easter customs, and how my daily life has changed in the last few weeks.
Much like the last time I wrote, I still feel as though I'm existing in two realities: the one where I am relishing in every moment of my life abroad, and the one where I feel terribly lonely and question my choice to spend so much time so far away from my in-person communities. I'm also shocked at the pace we're hurtling towards summer -- one of my best friends had her birthday 2 weeks ago (hi Sarah) which has been a good marker of springtime for me for the last 10 years now. And, more notably, this Sunday was exactly 6 months since I arrived, both day of the week and date. I feel both suspended in time (professionally, academically) and hyperaware of its passage (coming up on 2 years since graduation, having already passed the 2-year anniversary of our first lockdown).
Obligatory COVID update: cases are in fact increasing, we've got a few students out in each class, but more noticeably the teachers are absent. There are no substitutes, and the teachers who are healthy and present are very burnt out, which has ripples upon ripples upon ripples in the school as a whole. But politically the tone has shifted. On April 1 Italy decreased its restrictions for what felt like the first time since I arrived here. I'm not connected enough to Italian politics to comment or speculate on what brought about that shift, but I'm reading about similar trends in America.
Since the last time I wrote, I got to see my lovely lovely friend Giulia in Bologna. It was blissful to be in person with a friend. My other weekends have been a mix of day trips and overnights to Napoli, and social engagements here in Mondragone. Last week Giulia came to visit me in Mondragone, and we went to the Reggia di Caserta together! And then I had the full Mondragone Easter experience. Tomorrow we return to our normal schedule.
Some very very very smiley pictures with Giulia in Bologna from late March. It was the most beautiful early spring day -- 70, sunny, slight breeze.
We went and sat at Giardini Margherita with one of Giulia's other friends (who took this photo).
It felt like the Vassar quad on the first warm day, frisbees and all. Except the park is massive, and folks were not just undergrads.
We got DF gelato in honor of the first spring-like day. I got pistachio and chocolate.
I, as always, did not take any other photos in Bologna except this one. Giulia has this on her door, and I saw multiple tote bags with the same print. It's the logo of a bakery in Bologna -- "F*ck diets." The message holds true!
Word Pictures
Almost four weeks, there are many!
- High speed train to Bologna (most of my trips recently have been to the Southeast part of Italy, I've not taken a proper Freccia since December) -- sunset out the train window, cotton candy contrails over the silhouettes of the Apennine mountains.
- In Bologna, Giulia's friend Matteo was filming our conversations, on and off. Some snippets: sitting in a circle on Giulia's bed with her friends deciding where to go to eat; walking to the restaurant and asking each other what we'll be doing in 30 years (I said to go to the bookstore and look for my books, because I want to be a writer, regardless of whether I go into academia); sitting at the restaurant talking over our empty plates about relationships, monogamy, international travel, etc. Felt very quintessential mid-20s-traveling-abroad.
- I was going to show the movie Booksmart to my students. It was decided. As I was walking out the door, I texted the Fulbright ETA groupchat and quickly asked "This movie is high school appropriate, right?" I was prompty sent the link to the IMDB parental safety rating site, which says that they say the word "f*ck" 118 times. So that was a nope! We had a last minute change of plans. And I learned that I have no concept of what is and is not high school appropriate.
- Regina walked into my apartment one day when I left the door open to hang laundry out to dry. I've officially become part of the family.
- I also officially live in Mondragone! I have 3 people who I cross the street to avoid.
- Walking back home after a run on the beach mid-afternoon while Mondragone was in motion -- people coming back from working in the fields, getting out of the vans in the middle of the street; people driving home from work in other cities; young people on scooters weaving through traffic; people with grocery bags on their bikes; people standing outside bars with coffee and gelato; children being driven to soccer practice -- and me, right there in the middle of it, a part of it, walking home from my run with my jacket tied around my waist and my running shoes on.
- On a similar note, I'm now recognized around town for running. If I walk down the street that I usually run down, the old men outside the bars will ask why I'm not running. And sometimes when I walk home after my run they'll ask how many kilometers I ran.
- A quote from my co-teacher: "Quando stai fuori ci sono due cose da pensare: uscire e divertirti." That's, "When you're away from home, there are only two things to think of: going out and having fun." I really, really did not expect that from her.
- As some of you may know, I do not like watermelon. While at pranzo with my co-teacher and her family, I was in good company! She pulled out a watermelon, and none of us had any. Some of us also moved down to the other end of the table where we talked about the reasons why we do not like watermelon. I felt so seen. At this pranzo I was also offered homemade limoncello, made 3 days ago. Before pouring any, the Zia who'd made it spent 10 minutes cleaning the pulp off of the top with a paper towel. And a moment of reflection on smoking, from this same afternoon: the boyfriend of one of the daughters came inside from the grill complaining about smelling like smoke from the barbecue, but then smoked 2 cigarettes inside.
- My music students played me a recording of their most recent performance. Watching them imitate their conductor gave me flashbacks to high school choir (Sherre conducting Elijah Rock, if you know you know). And it made me realize that not singing in a choir or playing music in any formal capacity feels like having a limb cut off.
- I sent one of my American friends an excerpt of a book. This book happens to be written in Italian. Three hours later I realized that this friend does not speak Italian, and followed up with the translation.
- An absolutely blissful Thursday: all my classes happy to see me when I walked in; sitting on the floor in the hall between classes and being brought a chair by the hall monitor; going for the windiest and most cathartic run of my life (video proof of the wind); doing academic reading all day in preparation for a reading group and being GIDDY because I miss it; going for pizza with my friends in the evening and laughing so genuinely, feeling comfortable with them.
- In one day both seeing a dead cat on my way to school and being told a story about a dead PEACOCK (yes, I learned the word pavone in this context, absurd).
- Drinking wine on Zoom with Cassie and letting off some steam <3 "This is the stuff of life."
- Going to Napoli by myself for errands -- noticing a lightness as soon as I got off the train and not being sure if it was because a) I was not staying overnight and did not have a backpack, b) I was slightly nauseous/hungover from wine the night before, or c) I was relishing in the freedom of being alone in a city with no concrete plans for the first time in months.
- Having a mildly heated conversation with my co-teacher in front of the class about pedagogy. I referenced Dewey and the importance of experiential learning, as it relates to democracy. The teacher replied that Gramsci says that studying must be sacrifice, and therefore experiential learning is not sacrificial enough. I did not want these students to think that studying must always be painful, and so I pushed back. We were switching back and forth between English and Italian, and gosh I hope the students were following at least enough to hear a different viewpoint expressed! To know that it exists!
- More on this next week when I talk about social life, but I organized an aperitivo with 3 other people, none of whom knew each other. And I was so so full by the end, I was doing literal cartwheels on the street as we walked home.
- More on this next week too, but the men are getting more brazen with their catcalls and harassment as the weather gets nicer. Giulia and I were catcalled countless times during her visit. The first time I flipped him off and she shouted something. By the third/fourth time we would flip them off and shout in unison, and then laugh at coordination. As we walked around Napoli, we were translating and then practicing witty and pointed, though not necessarily profane, responses in Italian to catcalls. I feel prepared for summer. And I have so so so many more thoughts on this.
- I took a work call for a non profit in America on a moving train. It was very emblematic of my life right now.
- Giulia said I fit right in in Napoli. I think it's because the chaos reminds me of NYC, and just because I am more at ease in cities than in... Mondragone. She also said that I use "stare" more than "essere," so linguistically I'm officially from the South. (On that note, I'm really starting to pick up on the dialect! Enough so that today I heard a man tell me "You get more beautiful each time you walk by." Blegh! would have preferred not to understand that one).
- Giulia and I had dinner at a pizzeria that was recommended to her by a friend. We called to make the reservation for 8:30, and the person said "I'll put you down for 8, come at 8:30 and say you were running late." The restaurant (which is on the Michelin Guide?) was very nice, we were in this garden with music and plants and twinkling lights -- and then every so often a particularly loud motorino would go by and remind us we were in the middle of Napoli. There was a birthday and they played "tanti auguri" on the speaker for the entire restaurant 3 times on loop before someone realized it and changed the music. And then, right as we were wrapping up our meal, I looked across the patio and saw the daughter of one of my colleagues! She is the one who I hung out with my very first weekend here. We've not spoken since New Years, but it was wonderful to see her, what a coincidence. It made Napoli feel like home.
- I had Easter lunch with my host family. Classic Easter family chaos -- shouting, broken wine glasses, no space on the table and no space on the counter either, the cat jumping up on the table, the kids playing soccer in the house, grown men laughing until they cry from a tik tok of a Calabrese shepherd and his goat. I miss my family and our chaos. (Disclaimer, no idea if that link will work because I also do not have tik tok.)
- For Pasquetta, Easter Monday, we went to a barbecue/picnic situation in a nearby town, Falciano, at the base of the mountain. Our table was next to a large group of twenty- and thirty-something men who had had plenty to drink. At one point they were swinging each other around in the hammocks until they got dizzy. I had pulled out my journal to write, "Why are men like this," when one of the people who I was with turned to our table and said, "Tutti gli uomini sono scemi." So I wrote that in my journal instead.
- Hearing God's Plan (Drake) while at a bar and being viscerally taken back to Vassar TH parties in 2019.
Going out of order and doing Napoli pics before Caserta. Giulia took this panoramic photo from my favorite spot on the lungomare, feat. my face in the corner! It was an especially clear (and warm) day -- I ended up stripping down to my bralette to take of layers of clothing because we were sweating, and I definitely got a bit of a tan.
SPRINGTIME SPRINGTIME SPRINGTIME. Anyone who went to Vassar with me knows how much joy I derive from BLOSSOMING TREES. Here it is, Napoli edition (note that lovely Fed Up sticker on the lamppost to the left).
Continuing with the request for more food pictures -- this was our (GF) breakfast in Napoli.
Moving into the Reggia di Caserta -- selfie with Giulia in the giardini. They were closed because of heavy wind and reopened only 40 minutes before our train to Napoli, so we got to see only a fraction of the giardini. I will have to return myself!
And because of that, we spent a few hours lounging on the grass in front of the Reggia. It was a beautiful day, we had a picnic and tried to eat stir fry with small plastic spoons (which broke within minutes) and left us cackling and struggling to eat large pieces of red pepper with small spoons.
Mirror selfie with Giulia inside the Reggia -- I have not been to Versailles, but anyone from Southern Italy swears that this is more beautiful.
I took this by accident but I quite like it! There was much, much marble.
Including "gray Mondragone marble" -- who knew!!!
And the fireplace in question, in gray Mondragone marble.
They have an exhibit throughout the palace, Terrae Motus, featuring works about the 1980 earthquake. This was "Annunciazione" by Michelangelo Pistoletto.
This is in the chapel -- the columns are damaged from WWII.
This describes the damage to the chapel -- 7 paintings were lost in the bombings, and they specify that the bombs were American bombs, in the final sentence. More on this below!
This is the ceiling of the throne room, more on this below.
This is in the throne room, opposite the throne itself.
And this is in one of 4 antechambers to the throne room. More on these below.
Did I really travel somewhere historically significant if I didn't journal there? I was typing in my phone at first...
Then gave up and decided to write standing up in my actual journal. It was nearly illegible, but we made it work.
Reflections on the Reggia di Caserta
I was going to write some really long captions but decided to consolidate my thoughts here instead!
- Women -- Ah yes, starting off strong. This is what I was typing into my phone in the first photo. I was struck by the art in the throne room and its antechambers. There were so many moving, powerful depictions of women from mythology. They were strong, they were unwavering. They were beautiful but not in a delicate way, as contemporary beauty standards would dictate. But what was most striking was their prominence in the layout of the rooms -- far more prominent than any men depicted, save the frescoes on the ceilings. These women are mounted on the walls, and they are made of gold or marble. The eye is naturally drawn to them. And yet, in those rooms, the power was most often held by men. These women are behind, at the shoulders of, the men seated at throne or at the table in the diplomacy antechamber. These men in positions of power were looking, presumably, to these prominently placed female mythological figures, for guidance, for inspiration. But the women who were their contemporaries were rarely awarded the same credibility. The incongruence was striking to me. In one room, we've both acknowledged that nella storia antica, there was a time when women had positions of power and influence, when women could be "seers," AND we've also acknowledging that that time has passed (note the more contemporary ceiling frescoes with all the important men getting out of their carriages).
- Access to knowledge -- The library was very impressive. Obviously the books were hand-bound, and many of them were written in French. I am already often overwhelmed by the wealth of knowledge that I have access to, always. This made that overwhelm even stronger. But, I did appreciate the tangible reminder of the importance of the printing press (Imagined Communities, Benedict Anderson).
- American bombs -- The damage to the chapel was notable for me because most of the historical sites I've visited so far talk about damage sustained during WWII, but it has all been repaired. I also appreciated the mention, explicitly, of the American bombs that did the damage in 1943. This line stood out to me in the context of Russia's attack on Ukraine, and in the context of how this attack has brought up a larger discussion about which international conflicts we dedicate more airtime to in America. I'll be more explicit -- this line stood out to me because of how the decisions about which international conflicts we discuss in America directly reflect our stake in colonialism and imperialism. I have more thoughts, but it's midnight and I need to send this one off. Another time, perhaps.
- Feeling connected to Napoli -- This is what I was writing in the second photo, looking out the window. To the left I could see Vesuvius, and to the right I could see the hill behind Pozzuoli that I do not know the name of. I have been up Vesuvius, to Vomero, and visited a friend in Pozzuoli. I can also see all of these contours every time I go up the mountain in Mondragone, which I'm also very well acquainted with. I feel connected to the land itself -- not only to Napoli as a city with its own dialect and culture, but to the space between the mountains, to the paths that zig zag up them, to the shape of the coastline as it darts in and out of the gulfs from Gaeta to Pineta Rivera to Pozzuoli to Napoli and out to Sorrento. This was already a theme for me. In January 2019, I cried watching the brush go past the dirty train window as it took me to the airport. I felt a connection to the soil itself in a way that I've never felt in America. And that is only getting stronger as I attach memories and emotional experiences to the various spaces between the mountains.
Here they put up just as many lights for Easter as they do for Christmas -- except they are different!! This is the Basilica Santa Maria Incaldana, which I pass on my way to school every day.
Some more lights on my route to school. Is it weird to use the word Gothic to describe holiday lights?
On Saturday I was on my way home from reading on the beach and realized that the road to my home was blocked -- I assumed the worst, a medical emergency, a car/vespa accident. Nope, just the 4th procession of the weekend. I did find all of my students who play in the marching band, who were happy to see me!
These photos were not taken by me but were posted on Facebook by a colleague. This is the procession for the Festa of Santa Maria Incaldana, who is the patron saint of Mondragone. I included a photo in my last newsletter of the smart board after my students recounted the myth to me: After the church holding this portrait of S. Maria Incaldana burned down, Mondragone and another town were arguing over which town would get the painting. To settle the dispute, they attached the painting to a sled and sent two oxen, without human direction. The oxen chose Mondragone, and the myth says that they died in front of the church where the painting now lives. Every year they recreate the procession.
And these are the oxen pulling the painting. And here is a Facebook video of the procession.
The chocolate egg is a simbolo of Easter in Italy. This one was gifted to me by my co-teacher and I was struck by the amount of packaging.
Oh, and on Saturday the mountain caught on fire. Here it was at the beginning, spotted from my friend's car.
A few hours later from the lungomare -- the fire had covered a lot of ground.
Spotted from the courtyard of my home -- at this point the fire was almost out. In this photo you can see the helicopter flying overhead with water from the bay.
The day after while on a run. Folks in Mondragone said that it was a blessing that the mountain burned during Easter. I can definitely see the Biblical echoes! Although two days later, for Pasquetta, many people went up the mountains to barbecue and picnic -- yes, let's go light fires on top of the clearly very flammable mountain.
Storytime?
A handful of word pictures that had simply become too long and detailed to be word pictures
- Coming back from Bologna on the regional train. It was the most packed regional train I've ever been on. The conductor announced that the train wouldn't leave until everyone's ticket was checked -- for context, they almost never check tickets on regional trains, ever. There is no infrastructure for that, and it would have taken at least an hour. Immediately an argument broke out. A tired backpacker had sat on the console at the end of the row, and was pushed off by the woman on the last seat. She was adamant that he could not sit there (meanwhile there were people sitting on the steps and standing in the aisles). Many choice phrases were thrown back and forth. Two minutes later, there was another announcement that anyone getting off at the first 10 stops should go to a different train at a different platform. ENTER CHAOS. Disgruntled passengers were pushing past each other to get off the train, while others were eyeing up the newly opened seats. There was also confusion about whether people getting off at the tenth stop were supposed to change trains or not, and some people had misunderstood and thought that anyone getting off at the first ten stops was supposed to stay on the train. Utter chaos. But we ended up with only a 32 minute delay, when it was all said and done. Oh, and my ticket ultimately was not checked.
- A few weeks ago I did not feel well at school. When asked for my symptoms (which were not COVID-like) I replied headache, dizziness, and feeling like I might pass out. That last one really did me in. I've learned never to say that sentence at school, because next, I was walked to the "Sala Covid," which is an empty room with a single chair in it. There, all the hall monitors put on rubber gloves and took turns standing around me in case I passed out while my co-teacher was on the phone with the principal getting permission for me to go home sick (a 20-minute process). I wanted to go near the window for air, and since that made me a fall risk I then had to have TWO people standing around me with rubber gloves on. Additional details: prior to telling my teacher that I did not feel well, I was talking with the students in another class about how I had a headache and I accepted an unmarked white pill from a student. Oops! It was in a package though. Oh and the next day, at the other school building, I was told that the students in the classroom across from the Sala Covid wanted to know if I was feeling better the next day. These kids all talk to one another, and everyone knows everything!
- Another classic chaotic morning: My co-teacher who usually drives me to the other school was absent, so I texted my other co-teacher saying that I'd be late. I made the mistake of "asking permission" to leave my current lesson 5 minutes early, to divide the total lesson time I'd be missing between the two classes. I was told that I could not do that, and then I was told that another teacher would drive me. However, that teacher was caught up talking with the principal for 10 minutes (it would have been quicker to walk), and then needed to get documents from another teacher in another classroom. Then we got to her car and there was a motorino parked behind her, so we had to wait while the hall monitor located the student and had the student come and move it (at this point I would have been in class). Then we drove to the school and sat outside the car gate for the parking lot for 3 minutes, even though the human gate was open. (I had moved to get out of the car and was told to wait because it's more comfortable to park the car together? Her priority is obviously not maximizing lesson time.) And then I got inside, signed in, and got to the classroom. Four students immediately got up and walked out to go do work with another teacher, and the laptop was being used by a student. So I vamped for a few minutes, got the computer back and connected it to the projector, and finally got the movie started (with only 20 minutes left of class). Two minutes later, the teacher asked me if she can use the computer!?!?!
- On the last day of school, I walked 13K steps before 12 noon because of a miscommunication. I went to school at 8 am to find an empty classroom, I was informed that all the students were at the beach for a community service day, cleaning up plastic. So I walked across the entire length of Mondragone to meet my students at the beach. I then helped out with the beach cleanup, which involved more walking. And then, 2 hours later, I was informed that, in fact, not all the students were at the beach cleanup, and that I needed to go back to school to teach my last lesson of the day. In that lesson, nobody was paying attention because we were almost at break. I think they only thing they learned was to be very careful pronouncing "beaten" vs "bitten."
- On my way home from Napoli, the night of Good Friday, I missed my bus from the station to Mondragone because my train was late. After waiting at the station for 40 minutes, I get on the next one. I'm in the second row of the 12-seat van. Two people in the back row are blasting pop music, 2 different songs, from their phones, at the same time. Meanwhile the bus driver is having a shouting match in dialect with the man sitting directly behind me, who is shouting back, in dialect, into my ear. There is only one other person on the bus, in front of me, and he looks high. We're hurtling down this pothole-ridden, one-lane road, and needless to say I'm deeply uncomfortable. We get to Mondragone, and the bus driver slams on the brakes and does a U-turn in the middle of the road, cursing out the window at the other drivers the whole time. We then go completely off-course. I asked what was happening, and they explained that there is a procession for Good Friday and most of the streets in Mondragone are closed. The bus driver asked where everyone needed to go, and began to figure out the best route available with the streets we could access. I at this point ask what the procession is, which led to them asking me many questions -- because I'd given myself away as not being from Mondragone. When I explained Fulbright, the bus driver asked "Don't they teach English in America? Can't you teach there? Why'd you come all the way out here?"
A funny sign spotted at my friendly corner fruttivendolo -- "UGLY, VERY GOOD. DO NOT TOUCH."
Regina has taken to sleeping in front of my door. The little kitten has so much energy and Regina is simply not having it. Today I watched Lila take a running leap at a fern in the garden while Regina lay in the sun and watched.
Cats sitting in boxes is universal -- this is my co-teacher's cat.
A selfie during aperitivo on Palm Sunday. It was a gorgeous day and I was feeling very included in Mondragone social life.
While walking back from the gym a few weeks ago, I VERY EXCITEDLY purchased 2 kg of what I thought were the beans my Pappap grew. I found out after that they are not, in fact those beans. And I now have 1.5kg of these beans (which I do not like!) in my freezer. Let me know if you have any recipes!
A very absurd and out of the blue text message I received from another Fulbright ETA! Small small world. [To update on this, Antonio and I have gotten coffee and gone for many a walk along the lungomare. Small, small, small world!]
Some good ol' Easter chaos in the Fulbright groupchat -- after 45 minutes Ally's mom did make it out of the bathroom.
Two weekends ago I accepted an invitation to go out with my students, "abbasciamar," down by the sea. It was.... a very educational experience. I learned how to say "I'm drunk without drinking" in dialect. I also look very young, apparently -- I was given a virgin cocktail at a bar, and was asked which class I'm in when introduced to a friend who I do not teach. We walked in circles around the park near the beach, and I was very happily recognized by many of my other students -- "vedere ed essere visti." I did, though, accept the ride on the motorino. These kids do not walk anywhere, ever. Except to walk in circles abbasciamar.
These purple flowers are quickly becoming my favorite part of springtime in Mondragone. The dunes are completely covered with them. I have taken ~many~ photos of these flowers. I will include more of them in my next (shorter) newsletter. Here they are at 7 am, before they have opened for the day.
And here they are during that very windy, very cathartic run that I'd mentioned in my word pictures.
During our beach cleanup field trip, one of my students plucked this flower for me (with a trash-collecting picker, yum) and it is still alive and in my bathroom 8 days later!
Giulia took this one of me at the piazza while we were waiting for the sunset -- we had a ways to go.
And here is the Easter sunset. One of my favorites.
Phew! Wow, that one was a lot. I really do not want to perdere l'abitudine of writing these, especially because I think my reflections are deepening the longer I am here. I feel as though I am getting deeper into my own healing and reflecting space, and I'll be sharing some of those reflections in a "from the journal" next time. This upcoming week, COVID permitting, I'll be traveling to Liverpool with my wonderful friend Sarah who is flying in from America. Updates to come!
Nel frattempo, con tranquillita',
Antonella
Appendix: Ground Rules
In Restorative Circles, especially recurring ones, a key part of the practice is to revisit and consent to community norms at the beginning of each gathering. I will likely include these guidelines in each email (although maybe not right at the beginning every time), and it's very likely that they will evolve with me and with this newsletter throughout the next 10 months.
- This is a time for me of reconnecting with a number of practices that have been interrupted by the pandemic; by the 3-part-time-jobs, recent-humanities-grad, gig-economy work routine that I've just left; and by the inevitable ebb and flow of intersecting needs. This is just that -- a practice, a practice of connection, a practice of reflection, a practice of synthesis, a practice of perspective.
- This is not meant to replace my 1:1 interactions!
- This should serve me. There is no right or wrong way for me to structure these. Like my bullet journal, if the structure becomes cumbersome, it means my needs are shifting and I need to re-evaluate what I am including and how I am preparing to write.
- This is not a finished product, ever, by any standard. I will not fret over punctuation, word choice, or syntax. There are many spaces in my life where those things do matter, quite a lot, but they are not a priority here.
Here is the link to the archive of my past newsletters.
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