Okay, first of all, yes, gasp, I’d never watched Billy Madison. There’s a very simple explanation for this: I’m a fucking snob.

Well, in fairness to myself, I was a fucking snob. (I still am, about some things, but less about junky movies, I hope.) When Billy Madison hit theaters in February of 1995, I was midway through my freshman year of undergrad and at my absolute snobbiest, and I can all but hear myself snidely refusing to have anything to do with it. “Adam Sandler isn’t funny!” I insisted, and I meant it.